Topic: I have a horrible character based on me. (TW: transphobia, homophobia)

[AngelofArt]

I don't know if what I feel upset about counts as discrimination. But, it feels like discrimination. A former friend of mine published a book, and there is a character who is based on me. In her story, I was consistently misgendered. She brought up that I wanted to be called by a certain name, because it was more masculine. And that name never came up again. She referred to the character using a feminine name, which was subtly derived from my legal name. This character also gets accused of not being asexual and of being homosexual. And this character is a pervert and gets murdered as revenge for it. I feel disturbed that this transphobic homophobic caricature of a character was based on me. It seems so cruel. And I feel powerless, because I can't do anything about it. I read her book months ago and I still get panic attacks about it.

It also hurts, because I really care about this person. I still wish that we could resolve the misunderstanding that ended our friendship. And I am confused by the apparent transphobia. She had always seemed accepting of my gender identity before. She even used to call me her brother. And she has always claimed to be an generally accepting person.

[Rakel]

Dear AngelofArt,

I feel for your situation. It is not a comfortable place to be. Being misgendered hurts enough by itself, but being the subject of a novel who get murdered is just plain despicable actions by the author.

If the author meant to hurt you, they very much did this. The only way I know to overcome this is to move on. There are nicer people in the world. You just need to go out and find some of the nice ones.

________________________________________________________________________________________

I did notice that this is your first post here on Susan's Place. We give all new people here our usual Welcome with links to some important information. I will post the links below.

Susan's Place is a supportive website for everyone with any type of gender issue. We have many members here who are underage and we need to keep Susan's Place safe and family friendly for these members. To accomplish this we are moderated and offensive posts are edited or removed. We have Terms of Service that define our moderation. The Terms of Service will be in the links below as well as other important information.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find supportive, helpful people here.

Also, if you have a moment to spare, please consider stopping by our Introductions Forum and tell us a little about yourself.

Take care. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[AngelofArt]

Thank you, for your reply, Rakel.

This book really scares me, because of how much it resembles a hate crime. My former friend based the murderer on herself, and based two of the murder victims on me and a friend of mine. My character is misgendered and presented as a pervert, after having already been killed. It was brutal to read. And I don't know whether to take it as just a mean spirited story, or if I should worry for my and my friend's safety.

And I don't understand why she hates me so much. I thought of her as a sister. And we had a misunderstanding, because I wanted to draw a few pictures of her. But, after seeing what she wrote, I don't believe the drawings are the real reason for why she got so mad at me.

I am also struggling with my sexual orientation. Before all of this happened, I was happy with being asexual. But, now it is almost like I don't feel welcome in my orientation anymore. My former friend's claim that I am just a repressed homosexual really hurt, especially because it came from another asexual person. I know that my gender identity and sexual orientation are true regardless of the acceptance of others. But, it still hurts.

[Sephirah]

Thank you, for your reply, Rakel.

This book really scares me, because of how much it resembles a hate crime. My former friend based the murderer on herself, and based two of the murder victims on me and a friend of mine. My character is misgendered and presented as a pervert, after having already been killed. It was brutal to read. And I don't know whether to take it as just a mean spirited story, or if I should worry for my and my friend's safety.

And I don't understand why she hates me so much. I thought of her as a sister. And we had a misunderstanding, because I wanted to draw a few pictures of her. But, after seeing what she wrote, I don't believe the drawings are the real reason for why she got so mad at me.

I am also struggling with my sexual orientation. Before all of this happened, I was happy with being asexual. But, now it is almost like I don't feel welcome in my orientation anymore. My former friend's claim that I am just a repressed homosexual really hurt, especially because it came from another asexual person. I know that my gender identity and sexual orientation are true regardless of the acceptance of others. But, it still hurts.

Angel, don't give this person the power to define you, sweetie. This is clearly a manifestation of the issues they have themselves. And should be taken as such.

You don't need this person in your life if they make you feel this way. You need to find people who make you feel good about yourself. Not question or hate yourself. That isn't the right way to live. And leads to a very dark, self destructive path.

No one gets to tell you how to feel, Angel. No one. Everyone is equally screwed up. We all have our issues. People just deal with it differently. Authors use people they know to give substance to their work. As a writer myself, I know this. It's part of the creative process. But it gets twisted to fit the story they want to tell.

Angel, don't let someone else tell you who you are, or should be, based on the ideas they have. That isn't you. You know it isn't you. It's the machinations going on in someone else's head. The best thing you can do to get away from this is to distance yourself from it. Just be you. The you that you want to be. This person used you for your thoughts and feelings. And twisted them to fit a narrative.

You don't need them around, okay? You get to decide who you are. Hold on to that.