Author Topic: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?  (Read 607 times)

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Offline Sarah Stevenson

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Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« on: July 03, 2021, 02:49:26 am »
Hi everyone

I have not been active on here since the end of last year and feel the rope is getting tighter around my neck with the whole gender crisis. I have been on hormones now for just over a year and still not fully out, my wife is aware of the gender identity problems I am having (unfortunately not the most supportive person which I fully understand) and is aware that I have and had been taking hormones, I am under care of an awesome transgender friendly clinical psychologist who is helping me work on letting my wife know my overall intentions and goals.

I wanted to come back to Susan's to try build myself a small support system as I feel so alone on this journey and as some of you know at 50 years old is Noooooooooooooooooooo fun at all.

I am in the process of writing 'the' letter to my lovely wife that will probably destroy her world also mine to and was wondering if anyone had anytime to give me an insight into their experiences on scenarios after they were well into their transition and did you feel completely regretful about your decision and come to realize that you have lost everything and there was no way you could ever get that back?

I have tried and tried to beat gender dysphoria for a year now and just have to be honest with my wife and myself. I have tried everything, hypnotherapy sessions, 3 psychologists, doctors, had a Male to Female transformation day which did not help but made me want it more and many more. I am terrified in what I am going through and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. If I were single it would be full steam ahead.

Many many thanks in advance.

Sarah Stevenson


Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2021, 06:37:34 am »
Dear Sarah, what you are feeling is normal. I used to be an angry person, one who would punch holes in the walls when I became enraged. My anger reached the point where it nearly cost my life, and the lives of my wife and daughter. In Dec 2016 I finally discovered the source of my anger, I was transgender. I realized that transitioning could cost me everyone I loved, but my only other options would eventually have the same result. Just a day or two after making the decision to move forward, I looked in the mirror and thought 'I'm going to make one ugly woman.' Still, I knew I had to try.

I did lose a few people I thought were friends, and one or two relatives don't talk to me anymore, but those who were truly my friends stayed by my side. My wife was probably the last one to realize that by transitioning I had become the person I was meant to be -- a much better person than the one she had married decades ago. In fact, on June 5th we were married for the second time -- this time as two brides.

I was 54 when I started my journey, later this month I turn 59. It is a long road, but for most of us the trip is well worth the costs. After all, what price can you put on your own life, on finally being able to release your soul from a lifetime of darkness?

My wife did not take it well at first, and we slept in separate bedrooms for many months. Eventually she saw the changes in my behavior, and she realized that I am now at peace with myself. I've asked he why she stayed by my side, and she always replies with 'because I love you.'

My only regret is that I wished I had done it nearly 20 years ago when I first considered it, but at the time I didn't understand why I felt the need so strongly. Please feel free to ask questions, IM me if they are personal. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Rebecca28

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Re: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2021, 07:45:05 am »
Sarah,

I am 49. I was married for 12 years. My x didn’t understand at all. Didn’t want to go to counseling. Sadly we divorced. Your wife will experience a lot of emotions as her world changes. If you work together. You can have a future together.

I had to live my truth and be genuine for the first time! My teenage daughters were very accepting. They have grown up with this. Have friends who are gay, bi, and trans. It’s not like 30 years ago when no one talked about this stuff.

Theres no question this path is difficult. My advice is this...

Your family and friends may surprise you by their acceptance and genuine love. I have been pleasantly surprised by some of the responses I have gotten. Even my own dad I didn’t think as a 78 year old would accept this. Yet he has been great.

I have lost friends over this. But those who remain are amazing and very supportive.

I am in this for the long haul. For ever tear I shed.. many tears of joy over flow even more!  One day at a time. Allow others to go on the journey with you! Your real friends..

Finally!  This helps me.. author unknown.. but something I think about!!

At birth, we boarded the train of life and met our parents, and we believed that they would always travel by our side. However, at some station, our parents would step down from the train, leaving us on life's journey alone.

As time goes by, some significant people will board the train: siblings, other children, friends, and even the love of our life.

Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.  Others will go so unnoticed that we won't realize that they vacated their seats! This train ride has been a mixture of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

A successful journey consists of having a good relationship with all passengers, requiring that we give the best of ourselves. The mystery that prevails is that we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. Thus, we must try to travel along the track of life in the best possible way -- loving, forgiving, giving, and sharing.

When the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty -- we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who continue to travel on the train of life.

Enjoy your journey with those you love!

You get one shot at life, be HAPPY. SCREW everyone else who can't accept you for you. They don't matter😊

Hugs, Rebecca

Offline Pammie

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Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2021, 07:59:32 am »
Sarah,

I am 49. I was married for 12 years. My x didn’t understand at all. Didn’t want to go to counseling. Sadly we divorced. Your wife will experience a lot of emotions as her world changes. If you work together. You can have a future together.

I had to live my truth and be genuine for the first time! My teenage daughters were very accepting. They have grown up with this. Have friends who are gay, bi, and trans. It’s not like 30 years ago when no one talked about this stuff.

Theres no question this path is difficult. My advice is this...

Your family and friends may surprise you by their acceptance and genuine love. I have been pleasantly surprised by some of the responses I have gotten. Even my own dad I didn’t think as a 78 year old would accept this. Yet he has been great.

I have lost friends over this. But those who remain are amazing and very supportive.

I am in this for the long haul. For ever tear I shed.. many tears of joy over flow even more!  One day at a time. Allow others to go on the journey with you! Your real friends..

Finally!  This helps me.. author unknown.. but something I think about!!

At birth, we boarded the train of life and met our parents, and we believed that they would always travel by our side. However, at some station, our parents would step down from the train, leaving us on life's journey alone.

As time goes by, some significant people will board the train: siblings, other children, friends, and even the love of our life.

Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.  Others will go so unnoticed that we won't realize that they vacated their seats! This train ride has been a mixture of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

A successful journey consists of having a good relationship with all passengers, requiring that we give the best of ourselves. The mystery that prevails is that we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. Thus, we must try to travel along the track of life in the best possible way -- loving, forgiving, giving, and sharing.

When the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty -- we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who continue to travel on the train of life.

Enjoy your journey with those you love!

You get one shot at life, be HAPPY. SCREW everyone else who can't accept you for you. They don't matter

Hugs, Rebecca
I also love that analogy, can’t remember where I read it first or who wrote it either
What I would say is it’s also important to prepare for the fact that it’s usually much harder for your loved ones than it will be for you and they will need help, support, understanding and time and some may be resistant for many years. I have not regretted transition for one nano second!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
« Last Edit: July 03, 2021, 11:21:15 am by Pammie »

Offline Rakel

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Re: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2021, 09:13:31 am »
The decision to transition is not an easy one. For myself, the most important cost was the effect my transition had on my family. Not everybody is accepting of our decisions to transition. I gave my condition very serious thought for over 10 years. I joined Susan's Place in 2008, but only made the decision to transition in 2015.

A person must be totally committed to whatever they need to relieve their dysphoria before public announcement because once the cat is out of the bag, it will never go back in. If you announce a desire to transition today and later decide that transition is not for you, then those around you will always remember your announcement. This will effect how they will relate to you for a long time.

I urge caution before making a public announcement.




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Retired Pharmacist with over 40 years experience in Hospital and Retail Pharmacies.
I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Offline Allie Jayne

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Re: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2021, 05:43:24 pm »
Sarah, yes, it is a mistake, but not one that you made! Your gender ID happened to you while you were a developing foetus, and dysphoria is forcing you to respond to your gender ID. If you resist long enough, it will destroy your health, I know from experience. You need to realise you have a serious health condition which needs treatment, and let you wife and others know that you didn’t choose to have this condition, but you must deal with it to survive. Make your wife a partner in your survival plan, and assure her that you are not choosing to take this difficult path.

I have found that when people realise this is a medical condition you are born with, they are much more accepting and supportive, but if they believe this is something you decided to do as it makes you feel good, don’t expect support. If you hope to keep your relationship alive, you both have to transition together, and she has to be involved in developing your treatment. I wish you luck, as this will be a hard road for both of you!

Hugs,

Allie

Offline Nadine Spirit

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Re: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2021, 08:14:23 am »
...... and did you feel completely regretful about your decision and come to realize that you have lost everything and there was no way you could ever get that back?


No, I have never for one moment ever regretted my decision to transition.  Oh it has been hard, I have been harassed, I am discriminated against by my employer, and my wife and I have spent countless hours discussing our transition, (she is not trans, but when married and one transitions and the marriage survives, you both transition.) There has also been large costs, losing some friends, and actual monetary costs like about $30K in electro, ugh! 

But not once have I ever regretted taking this path.  I have regret I didn't start sooner, but not any regret that I finally accepted that I was born this way.   

Offline Sarah Stevenson

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Re: Transitioning, then realizing it was a big mistake?
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2021, 06:55:42 pm »
Hi All

I want to thank each and everyone of you for taking your precious time to reply to my post and give me an insight into your stories, I very much appreciate it.

I guess I am finally coming to the realization that if I don't continue with my transition and keep worrying about the feelings of others it's either going to put me in a mental institution with my very own padded room or kill me.

I have been sitting on the fence for so long and trying not to face up to this realization and worry too much about trying not to hurt my lovely wife and worrying about "looking in the mirror and thought I'm going to make one ugly woman" as Jessica Rose quoted but the more and more the months go past the more and more I see my real self.

It's 3 weeks till I meet with my psychologist again and to discuss the letter that she asked me to write to my wife, then the cat will be truly out of the bag with all of my intentions, goals and aspirations, so my wife can then make plans and decisions based upon what she reads. This will be a huge weight lifted of my shoulders even though I know it's going to be heartbreaking when she turns and say's "I want a divorce".

At least If this happens I will be free to get the ball rolling and rebook all the appointments such as electrolysis etc. rebooked.

Thank you all again for your words.

Love

Sarah Stevenson - Sunshine Coast - Australia

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