Author Topic: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me  (Read 1605 times)

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Offline Karen_A

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Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« on: August 28, 2021, 06:32:54 pm »
I almost forgot… Today is exact 23 years since I had SRS at  Eastmoreland Hospital in Portland Oregon with Toby Meltzer.

The hospital does not exist any longer. it was bought by Reed College  which was next to it (the same school Steve jobs dropped out from, and then dropped  in on some classes) and they tore it down to extend the campus… I remember  walking through the grounds of Reed College during my convalescence and it was very nice.

Hard to believe it has been that long… I had no idea what my life would be afterwards … I certainly did not expect it to be essentially the same.. but it mostly has been!

While things have not gone anywhere near as I had hoped (some of which was never realistic), they turned out a lot better than I had feared in a number of ways.

Through everything I'm still standing. Given where I started from (very difficult situation growing up in many ways that left a lot of emotional scars and then needing to also deal with being TS with other issues that made that difficult) that is a lot!

- Karen
« Last Edit: August 28, 2021, 09:40:38 pm by Karen_A »

Offline Rachel

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2021, 07:11:03 pm »
Congratulations :) You definitely paved the way for us in the future. It must have been very difficult. 

I am only going on 5 years post op. Much is the same but much is different. There are still challenges and bigotry. I associate with a group that is very open minded and poly. Several of the guys expressed interest in dating but I do not know. Poly relationships can be difficult.
MTF in need of help link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133631.1980.html
MTF in need of help 2 link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,251825.0.html
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas FemLar 10/13/2020
Dr. Thomas laser vocal procedure 2/17/2021

Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2021, 07:33:28 pm »
You definitely paved the way for us in the future.

Thanks for the congrats!

But paved they way? No. Those are the ones who did it in the 70's and before I think. By my day TSes were a dime a dozen! ;)

I was also lucky to be born in a state which allowed birth certificate changes back then and that ability goes back to at least the 70's if not before, and to transition in a liberal T Friendly area.

-Karen
« Last Edit: August 29, 2021, 11:50:03 am by Karen_A »

Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2021, 07:50:58 pm »
BTW I wonder how many know the source of the thread title... I chose it because it seemed apropos to how I'm feeling.

-karen

Offline Rakel

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2021, 08:16:03 pm »
Hazy Shade of Winter by Simon and Garfunkle




_______________________________________________________________

Retired Pharmacist with over 40 years experience in Hospital and Retail Pharmacies.
I still keep my professional licence active and in good standing.


Offline Lady Grey

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2021, 11:48:22 pm »

I remember  walking through the grounds of Reed College during my convalescence and it was very nice.

How quaint. When I had my srs this year it was 2 nites rest in the hospital and out you go. Sick as a dog.
Times change.  But I digress. 

Congratulations on your anniversary.
post op

Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2021, 09:59:48 am »
How quaint. When I had my srs this year it was 2 nites rest in the hospital and out you go. Sick as a dog.
Times change.  But I digress. 

Where did you have SRS?

I no longer remember how long I stayed in the hospital, but I think it was at least a week... Partly it was the times but I think more  that Eastmorland was a very small community hospital and not very busy, so Meltzer was able to make a special deal with them. They let my spouse sleep in my room in a reclining chair so we did not have to also pay for a hotel.

In 1999 when I had FFS with Dr. O at Davies Medical center in San Francisco, I was "officially" out tof he hospital in 2 days afterwards as well, and that scared the heck out of me (FFS was MUCH rougher than SRS for me and my eyes were pretty much swollen shut when I had to move) which was like your experience recently with SRS.

I say officially because back then Davies had a floor that was not medically staffed, but was used to house families and relatives of patients visiting from out of state that was cheaper than the hotels there. It was called guest status...

Before Cocoon House existed DR. O arranged for his patients to recuperate there... But outside of him or his staff coming and checking on you, you were on your own. Again I don't recall how long I was on guest status, but it was at least a week and maybe 10 days.

Quote
Congratulations on your anniversary.

Thanks... I really don't know where the years went.
-Karen
« Last Edit: August 29, 2021, 12:23:34 pm by Karen_A »

Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2021, 12:20:18 pm »
I am only going on 5 years post op. Much is the same but much is different.

Well somethings are different for me, but outside of the changes that aging brings,  nothing significant has changed from before SRS or transition itself really. Much of that is because I stayed married from before, stayed working in the same field (and 10 years at my pre-transition job) , still live in the same house as before, don't pass that well (which was important to me) , am not an outgoing person (And not wanting to socialize while readable).

Thinking about the the latter and my age is where the title to the thread came from. the opening words are:

Quote
Time, time time, see what's become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities
I was so hard to please
Don't look around
The leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter

When an anniversary like this comes up, and being of retirement age (I am still working however), thoughts and feeling like that tend to come to mind.

Quote
There are still challenges and bigotry.

I have experienced  some  bigotry over the years but not a lot... part of the reason it was not a lot , beside living in pretty accepting area,  is being a homebody I suspect.

Quote
I associate with a group that is very open minded and poly. Several of the guys expressed interest in dating but I do not know. Poly relationships can be difficult.

Staying married from before means I have never had a sexual relationship as a woman... I know having someone who loves me and I care a lot about is much more important than sex...

But I can't help wishing I had the experience of having a man be attracted to me as woman and making love to me... While i suspect the reality would not live up my imagination, i very would have like to have had a het romantic relationship... If my marriage had not survived and I was more passable (and better looking) , I would have definitely tried to live the life of a het woman with the right guy.

But that is not my life, and I have a lot to grateful for as is.

-Karen
 
« Last Edit: August 29, 2021, 03:54:07 pm by Karen_A »

Offline sarahc

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2021, 01:22:55 pm »
Where did you have SRS?

I no longer remember how long I stayed in the hospital, but I think it was at least a week... Partly it was the times but I think more  that Eastmorland was a very small community hospital and not very busy, so Meltzer was able to make a special deal with them. They let my spouse sleep in my room in a reclining chair so we did not have to also pay for a hotel.


My understanding is that Meltzer still requires patients to stay for nine days in the hospital (which to me sounds insane if there aren’t complications). I guess his view is that there are enough instances of complications that it makes sense to just keep people admitted.

Sarah
----
48 years young.
Known that I am trans since...forever.
First therapy session / decided to transition / hair removal: October 2018
HRT: January 2019 (journal https://www.susans.org/forums/index.phpVF/topic,244009.0.html)
VFS: September 2019; three-month report here
Full-time: April 2020
FFS: August 2020
SRS: January 2021

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2021, 01:33:13 pm »
This line has me admiring you: "But that is not my life, and I have a lot to grateful for as is."

Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2021, 04:28:14 pm »
This line has me admiring you: "But that is not my life, and I have a lot to grateful for as is."

Don't admire me too much. I am not that noble... I know I have had a much easier time and have lot more than many who have walked this path, and luckier overall than more than a few in other ways.

But while I am not really sure how to put the feelings into words, at times if dwell on things, I can still feel like I never lived or that my transition was a failure or I never really grew into myself ... Not exactly any of that, but as I said the right words are hard for me to find.

I guess that is residual dysphoria.

I am pretty sure that given everything,  I made the right decisions for my situation both for myself and my spouse, but that does not always help...

I don't stay in that place too long these days as I once did, but every once in a while I will find myself there for awhile with tears flowing.

-Karen

Pammie

Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2021, 04:57:33 pm »
Don't admire me too much. I am not that noble... I know I have had a much easier time and have lot more than many who have walked this path, and luckier overall than more than a few in other ways.

But while I am not really sure how to put the feelings into words, at times if dwell on things, I can still feel like I never lived or that my transition was a failure or I never really grew into myself ... Not exactly any of that, but as I said the right words are hard for me to find.

I guess that is residual dysphoria.

I am pretty sure that given everything,  I made the right decisions for my situation both for myself and my spouse, but that does not always help...

I don't stay in that place too long these days as I once did, but every once in a while I will find myself there for awhile with tears flowing.

-Karen
I think one of the challenges we have is that we tend to have an unrealistic expectation of how we will look when we do get to present full time in our gender identity (those of us that can and want to)  - few women are beautiful and most of us just make the best of what we have and get on with life. I was an unremarkable guy once (a million years ago) and now as my real self im an unremarkable woman as I should always have been. I see me in the mirror and that works for me - well, it will entirely when I get my GCS.


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Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #12 on: August 29, 2021, 09:59:34 pm »
I think one of the challenges we have is that we tend to have an unrealistic expectation of how we will look when we do get to present full time in our gender identity

That was never me.

-Karen

Offline Lady Grey

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2021, 11:25:27 pm »
I had my surgery with Doctor Heyer at Denver General (I call it that but it has been known as Denver Health for quite a while now). 
She did a great job (she was trained by Dr. Marcie Bowers).  They have a really good program, but from what I understand it's more hospital policy these days. They don't want you to catch anything while you're there.
My FFS was a 6 hour surgery and I was released as an out patient afterwards, again the Doctor didn't want his patients to catch anything at the hospital.  First night after my FFS was PRETTY ROUGH.
post op

Offline warlockmaker

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2021, 06:43:03 am »
I also expected great change but in the end it seemed just natural. In the end it was the peace of mind that has been the greatest gift.

I finally  understand the amount of prejudice and lack of respect from males and how females are 2nd class citizens. its changing but it will take many more decades.

Congratualtions on 23rd anniversary.
When we first start our journey the perception and moral values all dramatically change in wonderment. As we evolve further it all becomes normal again but the journey has changed us forever.

SRS January 21st,  2558 (Buddhist calander), 2015

Offline Oldandcreaky

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2021, 08:48:16 am »
Don't admire me too much. I am not that noble... I know I have had a much easier time and have lot more than many who have walked this path, and luckier overall than more than a few in other ways.

But while I am not really sure how to put the feelings into words, at times if dwell on things, I can still feel like I never lived or that my transition was a failure or I never really grew into myself ... Not exactly any of that, but as I said the right words are hard for me to find.

I guess that is residual dysphoria.

I am pretty sure that given everything,  I made the right decisions for my situation both for myself and my spouse, but that does not always help...

I don't stay in that place too long these days as I once did, but every once in a while I will find myself there for awhile with tears flowing.

-Karen

Gratitude AND humility: There's no pairing more comely.

Pammie

Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #16 on: August 30, 2021, 09:36:17 am »
That was never me.

-Karen
Oh ok, sorry! Ur comments about how life might have been different if you were more passable and better looking sounds like that.


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Offline Maid Marion

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #17 on: August 30, 2021, 11:30:35 am »
I finally  understand the amount of prejudice and lack of respect from males and how females are 2nd class citizens. its changing but it will take many more decades.
I've often been identified as female over the phone, even before my voice training.
I've found it much easier to deal with the lack of respect when I'm dressed as a woman.
I see it coming instead of getting blindsided

Congratulations to Karen on the 23 yrs.  My world is a lot easier for me now than it was twenty years ago.

Marion

Offline Karen_A

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Re: Time, Time, Time.... See whats become of me
« Reply #18 on: August 30, 2021, 04:31:16 pm »
Oh ok, sorry! Ur comments about how life might have been different if you were more passable and better looking sounds like that.

It's true i never had unrealistic expectations and it's also true that my life would have been very different if my physical characteristics had been more fortunate. Why should those things be in conflict?

 I spent years agonizing about transitioning because blending well enough did not seem likely  ... Not because I needed to be beautiful  or pretty, but because I just wanted to have a reasonably  normal life without the asterisk always hanging over me all the time. If looking in the mirror if I saw something that, with a bit of luck with HRT, looked like I could get to being able to count on not getting read, it would have changed the course of my life.

I eventually got to place where I had to try regardless, and hestitantly started the process in my late 30s.

-Karen

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