Topic: Is there anyone here that cares more about a physical transition than social one

[mako9802]

Maybe thats a odd question.  For me like I said I currently identify as a “androgyne” and for me my discomfort was mainly about my image in the mirror and the body I have.  I want to look in the mirror and see something that appears to be female or at least androgynous.  I dont want to appear to be male.  I hate seeing something that is clearly masculine.  But as i said before I didn’t hate all things in my me life it was me wanting and desiring for something else.  I know for me probably its a bunch of learned behavior.  I was raised strictly in a masculine manor and some things are hard to unlearn.  But I always as long as i could remember had a pull or a desire to go in the other direction.  Anyone else have anything like this going on?

[sarahc]

I think what you’re feeling is pretty common. For me, my post-transition life isn’t that different from my pre-transition life. And my personality isn’t that different either. But I am much, much happier being me. I think that viewpoint is held by many people here on Susan’s.

When I think about social transition, I don’t necessary think that social transition is about how we change during transition…it’s more about how others adapt (or don’t adapt) to our physical changes. And to the extent others don’t adapt well, how do we manage that situation? All of us need to have people in our lives post-transition, and most of us also need to work with others to earn a living. Social transition is about figuring out how that is going to happen.

Sarah

[Nora Kay]

I actually don’t know. But I am a mechanic by trade and I doubt I will give up working on cars. Most of the things in my life are what a so called male would do or like. And there is no way I am giving up the things I like to do. I’ll still be going to hockey games, collecting guns and air guns. I barely go to the shooting range. But I like to collect. More than half I don’t even have ammo for. More of a tomboy if you could call me that at my age. But don’t get me wrong. I love a day at the spa. I mean who doesn’t.

[Courtney G]

(I'm new here - please read my introduction thread and chime in)

I very much want/need a fem body, but it's just for me, really. I want to see a female shape in the mirror but I don't even know how to imaging presenting as male. I'd be a tomboy, at best. I just want curves and want my body hair gone. I just started seeing a therapist and I've already started a minor level of transition, but I wouldn't begin to know how to present as female. Fishing, working on cars, and stuff has always been me. I've lose some strength, though, which is weird.

I have this idea that I'll just transition my body and stay stealth indefinitely, but who knows?

[Maid Marion]

Maybe the issue is the loss of male privilege?
Maybe the ideal situation would be to look fem while not losing any social status?

[Jessica_K]

To me the social part of the transition is just as important as the physical. I relate to women. I realised very recently how much when meeting a neighbour while we put our bins out. As I was at home I was not dressed as myself (lots told on this in other threads) but even so we spent about an hour chatting “woman” to woman.

I still have some male dominated activities, watching sport and building HiFi but women do them too just in lower numbers. Same with fishing etc though I do not do them myself I know women that do.

We are all different and we all have our own transition

Jessica xx

[Courtney G]

Maybe the issue is the loss of male privilege?
Maybe the ideal situation would be to look fem while not losing any social status?

For me, that is a factor. I don't like my male privilege per se, and I don't feel I abuse it (I'm a feminist) but I know it's there and there's a little part of my brain that doesn't want to lose it, I'm willing to admit. I think the ideal situation for women would be to be women, but gain that social status, so of course, anyone who is self-aware might know that there's something to be lost (sadly) in the transition. It's not just a gender transition; it's (unfortunately) a downgrade in social status! 

To me the social part of the transition is just as important as the physical. I relate to women. I realised very recently how much when meeting a neighbour while we put our bins out. As I was at home I was not dressed as myself (lots told on this in other threads) but even so we spent about an hour chatting “woman” to woman.

I still have some male dominated activities, watching sport and building HiFi but women do them too just in lower numbers. Same with fishing etc though I do not do them myself I know women that do.

I very much relate to women. My closest pals have tended to be/are women. I don't feel I relate to most men at all. But I'm a rough and tumble male as far as activities go, and I enjoy being carefree about my presentation...maybe that will change. In a perfect world, I could shrug off a gender role, men would leave alone, and women would welcome me into their fold, but I know that's just a dream. I'd joked with myself that I'm a butch lesbian in a man's body. Maybe that really is the case.

[Rakel]

... But I'm a rough and tumble male as far as activities go, and I enjoy being carefree about my presentation...maybe that will change. ...

Many of us tried to man-up as we were told to just deny our inner feelings. I did this for over 50 years and for those 50 years, I was miserable inside. I still do a few of those activities that I did in my previous life because I really enjoyed doing those things. I am free to pick and chose what I will do. I am not limited by any thought of what is proper or too manley for a woman. I do as I will and that includes my presentation as to clothes and make-up. Sometimes I get dressed up and other times, I am casual. My choice. 

[mako9802]

“I want and need a female body”…Omg are you me?  I NEED THAT AS WELL.  Everything she has I wish I had.   Like I so wish I was “thick” and curvy.  I want that.  I was hoping I would get more curvy from HRT but so far no

[Courtney G]

“I want and need a female body”…Omg are you me?  I NEED THAT AS WELL.  Everything she has I wish I had.   Like I so wish I was “thick” and curvy.  I want that.  I was hoping I would get more curvy from HRT but so far no

Lol

[Northern Star Girl]

          Physical Transition  and   Social Transition

Personally for me, as I was in the beginning stages of my journey I found that the Physical and the Social aspects were inseparable.     In my mind and in my experience, without one, the other was irrelevant.


Danielle

[Courtney G]

Personally for me, as I was in the beginning stages of my journey I found that the Physical and the Social aspects were inseparable.     In my mind and in my experience, without one, the other was irrelevant.

This scares me. One (the physical) feels MUCH easier than the other. I can’t imagine the difficulties of a social transition. Hiding some curves and <not allowed> would be a challenge, but a comparatively minor one.

[mako9802]

It can be very hard especially if you dont do everything to a T.  The way people think you should.  Social transition requires a certain level of gender performance even if you may not want to.  You kind of have to or you get labeled as a faker or that you are still a “man”.  If you take too long to get to a “point” you will be labeled a “man”.  People treat this like a sprint, and maybe for some it needed to be a sprint.  But for me I chose a marathon.  Kinda a marthon relay race with me doing one step at a time.  Another thing if you can “pass” but dont again get to the “point” quick enough in peoples mind they think you are a faker….or a trender or something…you have got to march in lockstep with the community or else…

[Courtney G]

It can be very hard especially if you dont do everything to a T.  The way people think you should.  Social transition requires a certain level of gender performance even if you may not want to.  You kind of have to or you get labeled as a faker or that you are still a “man”.  If you take too long to get to a “point” you will be labeled a “man”.  People treat this like a sprint, and maybe for some it needed to be a sprint.  But for me I chose a marathon.  Kinda a marthon relay race with me doing one step at a time.  Another thing if you can “pass” but dont again get to the “point” quick enough in peoples mind they think you are a faker….or a trender or something…you have got to march in lockstep with the community or else…

My thought was to allow my body to change through GAHT which presenting as male, and possibly get to a place where I start to fail as a male, then move to a more androgynous presentation - sort of an organic transition into something "else".

[mako9802]

My thought was to allow my body to change through GAHT which presenting as male, and possibly get to a place where I start to fail as a male, then move to a more androgynous presentation - sort of an organic transition into something "else".

Thats what I thought.  Nope it doesn’t work that way.  At least for me it did not.  If HRT femininizes you to a point but you are still presenting male for your own reasons people will start to think you are a freak or a pervert.  Some trans women not all will try to undermine you if you dont do things the way they want.   If you arent traditionally feminine acting you are gonna have problems,  I know I did.  Its for me been a disaster but I am going to keep on keeping on.  Nothing or nobody will make me do anything I may not want to do.  I did this for me, so I could be free.  Thats it…male female or in between I dont care.   

[Courtney G]

Thoughts:
1. At this point, I’m already a freak.
2. I guess HRT might feminize me to the point that I can’t present as male any more without totally confusing people. At that point, I’m going to lose the friends I need to lose and keep the ones who are real
3. I don’t give a damn whether other trans people approve of how I’m doing it. I’d be miserable if I even tried to conform to some kind of (trans)gender norms, because I’m not normal

“male female or in between I dont care.”
- I’m with you on this.

[mako9802]

God I wish more people thought like you and I did.  There are too many “rules”.  I did this to free myself of rules.  Not to be slapped with another set of rules. 

[Maid Marion]

Most people can't help but judge you by the way you look. 
Especially in casual settings when the interactions are brief.

Which means you are much better off if "you look good."

For stuff like business meetings you may have more leeway if you are someone of importance.
Or even less, depending on the culture of the business.
There is an NFL coach named Bill that is well known for his informal dress.  He isn't worried about his job.

Marion

[M-CH_]

Informal? You mean his dresses end above the knee?

[Ellie_Jean]

Personally, I'm trying to transition physically before trying to transition socially as well, mostly just because I have social anxiety disorder because I can be painfully socially awkward at times lol. 😅

But yes; physical transition has always been more important to me than social transition because the social transition will happen all on it's own eventually lol.