Author Topic: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull  (Read 1065 times)

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Offline Gigi Cooper

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Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« on: June 23, 2022, 05:38:02 am »
So the other day I dressed up, put on my Wig and makeup and took a few selfies in the bathroom mirror. Having not yet started hormones yet my face has not rounded/softened out. I thought I looked pretty good and decided to show the picture to the wife. She said i look awfull. She has always said I would never pass as a woman but it sure was a put down. Perhaps she can't see past the man she married. I think she is still trying to convince me this transitioning is a mistake but with her or without I must go on.

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2022, 06:00:48 am »
Perhaps she can't see past the man she married.

It can take a long time for those closest to you to see past the face they have known for decades. Although my wife was always kind when discussing my appearance, I was my own worst enemy. Just days after deciding to transition, I looked in the mirror and told myself that I was 'going to make one ugly woman'. It was only a few months ago when I realized I no longer saw my 'old' face staring back at me.

Sometimes being yourself isn't easy. It's as if the world doesn't like change and it fights against you. Although it may take years, be yourself. The world will adjust.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Gigi Cooper

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2022, 01:19:50 pm »
Thanks Jessica. It was a real downer hearing her say that and only glanced at the photo. Now she says if I ever have surgery she will file for a divorce, make your decision. I know its early on and she is struggling with this. Only time will tell what happens. 

Offline Jessica_Rose

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2022, 02:30:21 pm »
My wife was really upset with me, but I tried to take it slow and give her time. It's unfortunate that some spouses don't even want to try making things work. As mad as she was initially, my wife decided to hang around for a while. We remarried each other as two brides on June 2021. She and I are both much happier now.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Offline Northern Star Girl

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2022, 02:34:22 pm »
My wife was really upset with me, but I tried to take it slow and give her time. It's unfortunate that some spouses don't even want to try making things work. As mad as she was initially, my wife decided to hang around for a while. We remarried each other as two brides on June 2021. She and I are both much happier now.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

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Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2022, 03:05:18 pm »
My wife was really upset with me, but I tried to take it slow and give her time. It's unfortunate that some spouses don't even want to try making things work. As mad as she was initially, my wife decided to hang around for a while. We remarried each other as two brides on June 2021. She and I are both much happier now.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

You and Susan have a remarkable relationship and I am happy for you!!!

I have attended two bride weddings.


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
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Offline Rachel

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2022, 04:09:26 pm »
Hi, before HRT my then wife said I would be an ugly woman if I transitioned. I transitioned but had a lot of help along the way. We had lunch today and she is comfortable with us both being called and addressed female when out. I never brought it up to her or asked how I looked but she asked to see my new tankini today.
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Offline Gigi Cooper

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2022, 07:26:01 pm »
Thanks Rachel, She is trying to understand and recently has called me "Mam" to see what my reaction would be. She has had a few other slip ups usually followed by a grin. Hopefully I'll be starting HRT next month. Till then I'm dieting and have lost 15lb in the last month. Only time will tell what happens with the wife. Thank you for all the support.

Offline traci_k

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2022, 08:45:15 pm »
Hi Gigi,

No one in my family has yet seen en femme. However, I have been out on several occasions in my witch dress. (look left).While there was laughter, there were no disparaging remarks, and several guys said I looked pretty good.

As Jessica said though, we are our own worst critics. I too remember looking in the mirror and chuckling and said to myself, you're gonna be one ugly woman if you transition. The picture is pre-HRT. I still present predominantly male in public but since starting HRT and electrolysis, I'm presenting more androgynously, even wearing light eye shadow, liner, and mascara and haven't noticed any shocked reactions. I think in the time I've been on HRT, I'm noticing a softening in facial features. Meaning, I don't think I look as awful as I did.

One of the things that has stuck with me is what someone on YouTube said, you don't know how it's going to turn out. So if that's all that's holding you back, that's just fear.

Congrats with your wife accepting at least part ways. Transition isn't an overnight process. The best advice I received was take it slow. That works for me while others may have shorter timelines.

Telling my wife didn't go as well. I just told her that I thought I was transgender. Being fundamentalist Christians, she would only let me see Christian counselors, and the best advice they had was to pray it away. We stayed together about 8 years or so as roommates. And I told I would absolutely not transition. We still divorced about 4 years ago and my son hasn't spoken to me for a couple years, even before starting HRT

Since I had pretty much lost that life, (married 21 years), 2 years ago I said <not allowed>, why not? Took a while to find a clinic and get on hormones, but I am pleasantly surprised. Will I ever be a gorgeous woman? No way. Passable? Who knows.

Sorry to hijack this thread but I thought some background might be helpful why someone who thought they would be ugly, would begin transitioning at 65. For me it was trying to get over thirty some years of depression and repressing who I wanted to be.

Thank you Jessica for sharing your story that it can work. I'm sure you and your wife had some hurdles to surmount. I'm guessing you cover that in your blog.

Gigi, remember, this IS a safe space. I've gotten 0 negative comments about my photo.

Best Wishes on your journey.

Hugs

Misty.

Traci Melissa Knight


Offline JennyIsMe

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2022, 09:51:22 pm »
when i began coming out to my wife, (and mind you, she still doesn't think i have, or that i am trans), she said "you would be an ugly woman".

and that was with her never seeing me in much outside of the bedroom.

Offline sandrauk

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2022, 09:48:35 am »
Not quite, but I  asked my daughter for her opinion on my clothes.

I knew what a muffin top was, but didn't realise how many of my clothes it applied to.

I needed to hear it, and took them all down the charity shop.

Good excuse to buy more.

Offline ChrissyRyan

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2022, 12:06:57 am »
I never had a loved one or close friend tell me that I am ugly however strangers have said some rather unkind, but probably not too far off base, comments about my appearance at times.  Not so much this past two years but that is likely because of the COVID-19 restrictions, wearing masks, and not because of my marginally better looks.

Advice given by females on outfits or appearance / colors not quite right for me was appreciated when I have got those but those were not made often, none really these past few years.  Plus that is not calling me ugly, just them being kind enough to say I could have done better with the clothing.  Do not get me wrong, I am quite conservative in dressing but as an example, sometimes colors I like look good but not really together in some specific combinations for a specific outfit.  Live and learn. 


Chrissy
Be a good example of good behavior.  Always be kinder than needed.  Be tender to others.  You are as beautiful as the thoughts you think and the words that you speak.   Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding.  Knowledge and action shown without love is not impressive.  If you look for the good in people you will find it. Healthy relationships are so important to good living.  Serve others.

Good living, joy, unity, love, and happiness can come from following these practices: Never let selfishness or conceit motivate you.  Regard others as more important than yourself.  Do not limit attention to only your interests, but include the interests of others

It is not usually about how fast you transition, it is about how well you transition.  
.

I am a brown eyed brunette.

Offline SarahEL

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2022, 05:19:32 am »
my best friend of 40+ years told me that I '..would be one hideous hag'...  and added that I could never pass as a woman and intimated that I would be the laughing stock of everyone around....
My ex wife was a little harsher in her criticism.. :)

I like to think they were both very wrong!
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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2022, 06:23:51 am »
Sara just shows how wrong they were. XX
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017


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Offline Gigi Cooper

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2022, 06:29:38 am »
I would say they were wrong Sarah, you are a beautiful woman. Thanks for the encouragement.
 I'm still waiting for an appointment with the Endo for HRT. Time moves so slowly when you want something bad. So many years of waiting to start now having to wait more is frustrating. 

Offline CaelaNotKayla

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Re: Has anyone ever had a loved one tell them they look awfull
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2022, 01:51:31 pm »
Gigi-

TBH the only one who has been that direct with me has been my GF.... everyone else has been generally complementary.   I know that I don't always pass, but hearing "You'll never be a girl" from someone who you hold so dear is a very sharp dagger....

Now what you do with that is entirely up you.... I found that it drove me to embrace my own senses more, and let go of a few more of those walls that I put up for myself.   In the end it's about our self-worth, our self-confidence, not how anyone else thinks or feels about us.  Life is too short for us not to be our authentic selves.

Hugs!!

Caela
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