Topic: Curious Individual needing advice

[Cwillytr]

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the right group but I’m going to give it a go. I’m a 24 y/o cisgender male as of now and lately I have been more and more curious about myself. I’ve recently wondered what it would be like to be with a man. However, I have at times pictured myself as a woman in these thoughts as well as just a “femboy”. Additionally, I have grown more attractive to feminine looking males, but I believe it may just be due to jealously of them living a life that I may want myself. I’ve started to try more feminine things lately including painting my nails and wearing female clothing. I am curious if there are others like me who have gone through similar situations and have advice for me.

[tgirlamg]

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the right group but I’m going to give it a go. I’m a 24 y/o cisgender male as of now and lately I have been more and more curious about myself. I’ve recently wondered what it would be like to be with a man. However, I have at times pictured myself as a woman in these thoughts as well as just a “femboy”. Additionally, I have grown more attractive to feminine looking males, but I believe it may just be due to jealously of them living a life that I may want myself. I’ve started to try more feminine things lately including painting my nails and wearing female clothing. I am curious if there are others like me who have gone through similar situations and have advice for me.

Welcome Aboard @Cwillytr

We can be quite skilled at hiding aspects of ourself until we come to a place in life where we are better equipped to deal with them or the urgency of self exploration becomes much harder to suppress… you may find some thoughts in my reply #2 in this thread resonate somewhat for you… or not!

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,259814.msg2465130.html#msg2465130

I’m just out the door right now but will reply with some more thoughts later today!

All good things to you!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[TXSara]

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the right group but I’m going to give it a go. I’m a 24 y/o cisgender male as of now and lately I have been more and more curious about myself. I’ve recently wondered what it would be like to be with a man. However, I have at times pictured myself as a woman in these thoughts as well as just a “femboy”. Additionally, I have grown more attractive to feminine looking males, but I believe it may just be due to jealously of them living a life that I may want myself. I’ve started to try more feminine things lately including painting my nails and wearing female clothing. I am curious if there are others like me who have gone through similar situations and have advice for me.

Hi Cwillytr!

I don't know if I'll be able to help you very much, but I'll try. 

My situation is not exactly like yours in that I have never been attracted to men (until MAYBE recently... it's a long story.  I still don't know where I'm going to end up landing on the sexual preference scale.  Estrogen is one heck of a drug.) 

For me, my gender dysphoria has been marked by a weird "instinct" that drives me to be and desire to be more and more feminine.  It started when I was very young.  I always thought it was some sort of weird kink or something, so I just pushed it away as much as I possibly could.  Once I got into my mid-forties, though, it became too difficult to stop.  I started looking into support groups and eventually came to the realization that I was (and always had been) transgender.

Here's the thing, though.  We're all different.  You and I don't fit into the exact same place in the puzzle.  That's cool.  There may be others here that fit exactly what you're going through. 

If I were going to make a wild guess based on what you have said, I would hypothesize that you may have homosexual tendencies and you are projecting the female role onto yourself because you have been trained in a "heteronormal" society.  DO NOT TAKE MY GUT INSTINCT AS GOSPEL TRUTH, though...  I could be WAAY OFF.  It just seems to me like your situation is more of a sexual preference thing than a gender identity thing.

Hope it helps,

~Sara

[Cwillytr]

Welcome Aboard @Cwillytr

We can be quite skilled at hiding aspects of ourself until we come to a place in life where we are better equipped to deal with them or the urgency of self exploration becomes much harder to suppress… you may find some thoughts in my reply #2 in this thread resonate somewhat for you… or not!

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,259814.msg2465130.html#msg2465130

I’m just out the door right now but will reply with some more thoughts later today!

All good things to you!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

Ashley,

Hi!! Thank you so much for the kind words. The link however wasn’t working for me :/. Also, I forgot to mention it but you can call me Nicky and i don’t mind to be referred to by female pronouns or they/them.

[Cwillytr]

Hi Cwillytr!

I don't know if I'll be able to help you very much, but I'll try. 

My situation is not exactly like yours in that I have never been attracted to men (until MAYBE recently... it's a long story.  I still don't know where I'm going to end up landing on the sexual preference scale.  Estrogen is one heck of a drug.) 

For me, my gender dysphoria has been marked by a weird "instinct" that drives me to be and desire to be more and more feminine.  It started when I was very young.  I always thought it was some sort of weird kink or something, so I just pushed it away as much as I possibly could.  Once I got into my mid-forties, though, it became too difficult to stop.  I started looking into support groups and eventually came to the realization that I was (and always had been) transgender.

Here's the thing, though.  We're all different.  You and I don't fit into the exact same place in the puzzle.  That's cool.  There may be others here that fit exactly what you're going through. 

If I were going to make a wild guess based on what you have said, I would hypothesize that you may have homosexual tendencies and you are projecting the female role onto yourself because you have been trained in a "heteronormal" society.  DO NOT TAKE MY GUT INSTINCT AS GOSPEL TRUTH, though...  I could be WAAY OFF.  It just seems to me like your situation is more of a sexual preference thing than a gender identity thing.

Hope it helps,

~Sara

Sara,

Hi thank you so much for the kind words girl!! I do believe that I more than likely am starting to project feminine homosexual tendencies upon myself. But I also feel envious of females when I see their bodies and what they get to wear and being able to be with men. I’ve had thoughts before in the past of “what if” I was a woman and I was happy. But of course I may not fully know until I try things or try to be with a man and see what how comfortable presenting myself as can be. Also, I forgot to mention you can call me Nicky and don’t mind female pronouns or neutral ones.

[tgirlamg]

Ashley,

Hi!! Thank you so much for the kind words. The link however wasn’t working for me :/. Also, I forgot to mention it but you can call me Nicky and i don’t mind to be referred to by female pronouns or they/them.

Hi Nicky!

Here is a quick cut / paste from the linked thread which is under General Discussion> Health > Sexuality tabs and the thread title is “ Uncomfortable Around Men…”

Reply #2

Hey Little Sister!

I definitely flipped the script as Gertrude describes!… After a lifetime of  what I thought was a healthy attraction to women and romantic relationships with women…. I ended up marrying a man!🌻

In retrospect… what I had always believed was my healthy attraction to women was more just wanting to be around them and I think the greatest loves of my life were just the women I most wanted to be deep inside… so deep that all these feelings were inaccessible to me at the time🌻

I never considered myself to be homosexual as a male and didn’t feel any desire to be with a man… as a man…. However, much of my fantasy thoughts were of being with a man… as a woman… Although, I still didn’t find the thought of a man as a partner in life an attractive idea🌻

Things all changed early in my transition when I decided I would try out dating men and I found that I took to it like a duck to water…the experience unlocked many doors that had been closed all my life… waiting for me to be prepared for what was behind them… My attraction to women just kind of did a slow fade from that moment forward… perhaps replaced with a bit of envy… when I saw girls to whom I would have previously been attracted to, my thoughts were more… “wish I had her body, face, skin etc…”🌻

This process of transition is indeed… transformative!… The things we think we know about ourself at the beginning… are not always a reflection of the truths of who we are at the core of the self that we seek to finally un-earth!🌻

It is like our life is made of puzzle pieces we buried in the ground, as best we could, early in life and tried to forget about… eventually the pieces pop out of the ground and demand we put them together… we then find that the picture they form is more beautiful than we ever imagined and we always wish at that time…we had put them together long ago!🌻

Go into all this stuff with an open heart.. an open mind … fearless honesty with yourself and hope in your heart little sister!🌻

Amazing discoveries await you!

Onward!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[tgirlamg]

Hey Nicky!

You may also want to read this paper by Anne Vitale and pay special attention to the individuals she refers to as Group 3… It is well worth your time!

https://www.avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5

Later!

A 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[Sephirah]

Hey, sweetie.

Rather than telling you stuff or giving advice, I'd like to ask a question if that's okay?

I’ve started to try more feminine things lately including painting my nails and wearing female clothing.

How did this make you feel? Forget the sexuality part for a moment. When you did this... how did you feel about you as a person? When you saw yourself in your mind, and thought about yourself, what did you experience?

[Cwillytr]

Hey, sweetie.

Rather than telling you stuff or giving advice, I'd like to ask a question if that's okay?

How did this make you feel? Forget the sexuality part for a moment. When you did this... how did you feel about you as a person? When you saw yourself in your mind, and thought about yourself, what did you experience?

It made me feel good I painted my toenails red and I just felt good about myself. I shaved my legs too to really add to it and I just couldn’t help but think how good it felt and how natural it looked. I’ve also been wearing panties and it felt good and comfortable.

[Sephirah]

It made me feel good I painted my toenails red and I just felt good about myself. I shaved my legs too to really add to it and I just couldn’t help but think how good it felt and how natural it looked. I’ve also been wearing panties and it felt good and comfortable.

Okay sweetie. Thank you for your answer. *hugs*

The advice I'm going to give you is this: try and get in touch with a professional who you can talk to face to face and discuss this. Someone trained in gender issues. I have a gut feeling that the way you feel isn't linked to sexuality, or who you are or aren't attracted to. I think it goes deeper than that. And I think it's something you need to find your own answers for.

You need to examine why you felt good about yourself, and what it means for you. When you take other people out of the equation and focus on you and how you feel about you, that's what matters most.

I think that you can find your own answers, sweetie. For who you are. Not linked to sexuality. That will fall into place as a consequence of understanding yourself, okay?

You can do this, I believe in you. <3 Focus on who you are first, and the rest of the world will become apparent relative to that.

[Devlyn]

Hi everyone, I’m not sure if this is the right group but I’m going to give it a go. I’m a 24 y/o cisgender male as of now and lately I have been more and more curious about myself. I’ve recently wondered what it would be like to be with a man. However, I have at times pictured myself as a woman in these thoughts as well as just a “femboy”. Additionally, I have grown more attractive to feminine looking males, but I believe it may just be due to jealously of them living a life that I may want myself. I’ve started to try more feminine things lately including painting my nails and wearing female clothing. I am curious if there are others like me who have gone through similar situations and have advice for me.

Hi Cwillytr, welcome to Susan's Place! You'll make lots of friends here. 

You can't follow the link yet because the Sexuality subforum is a post count restricted area. That will open up to you as you make more posts. Here's the welcome pamphlet we give to all new members. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Northern Star Girl]

@Cwillytr
Dear Cwillytr

***  Another thing ............

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to to briefly tell our
members a little about yourself so that they will be aware of your arrival here on Susan's Place.

Since the greeting and welcoming stuff is all done, I will hand this
thread back to you and others so the conversation can continue.

Wishing you well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

***NOTE:  Until you reach 15 postings you will not be able to send Forums private messages, so if you have any questions you can feel free to contact me via my Email at northernstargirl@susans.org

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place and the Forums
Warm regards,
Danielle  northernstargirl@susans.org
Global Moderator

[Cwillytr]

Hi Cwillytr, welcome to Susan's Place! You'll make lots of friends here. 

You can't follow the link yet because the Sexuality subforum is a post count restricted area. That will open up to you as you make more posts. Here's the welcome pamphlet we give to all new members. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Thank you for the welcome!! Also, yes I will look to get involved with that forum when the time comes as my sexuality is also seemingly changing as well as I have only been with straight women in my life, but as has been said am starting to become more in touch with my feminine side and in turn believe that I may be more attracted to men.

XOXO, Nicky

[Cwillytr]

@Cwillytr
Dear Cwillytr

***  Another thing ............

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to to briefly tell our
members a little about yourself so that they will be aware of your arrival here on Susan's Place.

Since the greeting and welcoming stuff is all done, I will hand this
thread back to you and others so the conversation can continue.

Wishing you well as you continue to be involved in the forums.

***NOTE:  Until you reach 15 postings you will not be able to send Forums private messages, so if you have any questions you can feel free to contact me via my Email at northernstargirl@susans.org

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place and the Forums
Warm regards,
Danielle  northernstargirl@susans.org
Global Moderator

Danielle,

Thank you so much for the welcome girl!! I feel the love and welcome here!

[Cwillytr]

Okay sweetie. Thank you for your answer. *hugs*

The advice I'm going to give you is this: try and get in touch with a professional who you can talk to face to face and discuss this. Someone trained in gender issues. I have a gut feeling that the way you feel isn't linked to sexuality, or who you are or aren't attracted to. I think it goes deeper than that. And I think it's something you need to find your own answers for.

You need to examine why you felt good about yourself, and what it means for you. When you take other people out of the equation and focus on you and how you feel about you, that's what matters most.

I think that you can find your own answers, sweetie. For who you are. Not linked to sexuality. That will fall into place as a consequence of understanding yourself, okay?

You can do this, I believe in you. <3 Focus on who you are first, and the rest of the world will become apparent relative to that.

I do believe that you have a good point in saying that I need t find out more about that side of me and why it felt good. Although I do think I need to explore the other side of my sexuality as well as more and more I find myself thinking about what it would be like as well as it occurring in my dreams.

XOXO, NICKY