Topic: Does your deadname ever die?

[Jessica_Rose]

Once you legally change your name, I suggest you start informing the world about it as soon as possible. I changed my name nearly five years ago, and I moved to another state 18 months ago. I still get mail addressed to my deadname, sometimes from companies I have never done business with (even AARP). Email is just as bad, and I suggest setting up a new email address as soon as possible. I still check the email address I created under my deadname in case something important shows up, but I ignore just about everything which comes in on that address.

Other than responding to everyone with your new name (financial institutions, schools, utilities, stores, government entities, etc.) and submitting a 'change of address' with the postal service, what steps have you taken to 'kill' your deadname?

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Nadine Spirit]

I just don't know if my dead name ever will really die, but I don't think of it as mine anymore so it doesn't bug me quite so much. It's been about 4-5 years since my legal changeover and my wife just found another instance of my old name coming up. She went to a local auto shop and they still had my dead name on our account. Of course she changed it. But it did bring up that I am not sure if that name will ever totally disappear from my world. Oh and yeah, the snail mail, and email thing is annoying also. I too have setup a distinct account for my new name. But I do use my old account for all of my junk mail purposes.  I changed the name on it, but I think that some don't know that. 

[SarahEL]

Its one of 'those things' isn't it?... I mean you get the major stuff sorted but there is always weird things that crop up..

for example. in the UK, we have a grocer called ASDA (sort of like Walmart).. and they have this thing you can use to scan your shopping as you shop and then self-checkout quickly...
I set this up a few years ago, and you access it by typing you mobile number into a screen instore.. a handset then lights up and you use that to scan your goods... and on the handset it say 'Wellcome <deadname> start scanning"... ugh

So, to change it, I either need to re-register with a new telephone number.. or out myself by going to the customer services... and honestly it really is not a big deal... and so, I just ignore it.

[EllenW]

I do not think a deadname ever goes away once it is in a database. An example on how hard to change is from my pharmacy (a large chain store). Immediately after my legal name change, I changed the name on all my prescriptions. However, the automated voice system still left the message "this message is for <deadname> your prescription is ready for pick-up". I told the pharmacist, and everything was correct on their screens. She worked with the cooperate IT office. It was a bug in the system that took them six months to find.

Ellen

[Northern Star Girl]

One can do all of the legal name changes with government agencies, banks, credit cards, etc....
             BUT
(For me) 6 years later, the <dead name> will keep arriving in your Email (especially SPAM) and from the postal system with bulk mail, catalogs, solicitations, etc.

Not much can be done to eliminate all of it.

Danielle

[sarahc]

Nope, and it's never going to die, because I work in a regulated industry where all former names must be publicly disclosed, and my deadname will be out there for as long as there is the world wide web.

Sarah

[LauraPortiaFan]

At this point, I don't even care about it.

Once in a blue moon, I get junk mail with my birth name on it. I treat it the same way as I did when I would get mail from prior tenants of my apartment. Nothing more than junk mail from some dude who lived in this place way back when. No big deal.

[Allie Jayne]

I rarely get correspondence in my old name, but it never bothers me as I am proud of who I was and don’t want to lose that history. It can be annoying when I go to a store I haven’t shopped in for a few years and they ask for my phone number, which invariably brings up my old name and necessitates an explanation.

Hugs,

Allie

[LauraPortiaFan]

I rarely get correspondence in my old name, but it never bothers me as I am proud of who I was and don’t want to lose that history. It can be annoying when I go to a store I haven’t shopped in for a few years and they ask for my phone number, which invariably brings up my old name and necessitates an explanation.

Hugs,

Allie

For me, it's a little weird. I would get depressed about the decades of time that I lost. But, yeah, there's a lot of stuff from that past that does make me smile. It always revolves around music kinds of things. That sort of stuff I like to look back on. I can separate the gender dysphoria and how miserable to made me from the joy I got from discovering various bands, styles of music, etc.

[Lady Sarah]

I changed everything so long ago, nothing comes through the mail in deadname, or in internet databases. However, I found <deadname> online in online obituaries for adoptive family members. They hated me, and likely only put the deadname out of spite. Fortunately, no internet search shows that deadname existing.