Author Topic: Well, I went to a support group.  (Read 11682 times)

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Offline Alison

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Well, I went to a support group.
« on: September 05, 2005, 01:17:19 pm »
I went to a support group for significant others/family/friends/etc....

I was the only one that showed up...  :-[  I did have a nice chat with the leader, she was very sweet... but it didn't do much for the "I feel really alone in this position" fear..  I was really bummed, I was so looking forward to meeting 'peers' ... 

AllisonY2K

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2005, 03:05:33 pm »
:( I'm sorry to hear that. maybe others had first-meeting jitters?

Shelley

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2005, 03:15:01 pm »
That's really a shame Alison,

Don't give up. As Allison said people often hang back to see how it's going to go.

Its really important that our SO's have somewhere to go so I hope the group gets of the ground.

Shelley

AmyNYC

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2005, 09:14:33 pm »
Not that you are, but...

I wouldn't give up on the group.  I've been to group meetings (for TS's) where some months there's only one or two girls there other than the leader & me.  Other months there's upwards of thirty people.  Sometimes it really just depends on the month.

Amy

Cherrie

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2005, 05:20:23 am »
That is really quite sad.

There is nothing in my area for significant others. It is such a shame. I know there are plenty of people could do with someone to talk too or counciling and I have been searching for months but nothing.

No wonder there is so many problems and people hiding from who they really are.

Cherrie

AllisonY2K

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2005, 11:40:44 am »
our group has a meeting for spouses/SO's/loved ones/friends/family members about once every six months or so. it's a good meeting which can get a large amount of attendance. awkward for some I'm sure, having a large group and never being to a support group of this nature before.

at least you went and got to talk to the group leader...that's a good step! :)

stephanie_craxford

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2005, 04:46:34 pm »
Hello Allison,

Don't be too down hearted, right now you have a group of two, and that's better than nothing.  One reason could be that there aren't that many Trans with SO's where you are.  Was this a regularly scheduled meeting?

Chat later,

Steph

Cassandra

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2005, 11:08:45 am »
So close to the labor day holiday it could have been the regular members were just out of town. Dont give up, keep going. Maybe some like you went and found the same situation so they never returned. Maybe if you keep going others will start coming and stay. Most people don't like to be the first in something new.

In wispered tone: If you stay, they will come.

Good Luck,

Cassie

Offline Alison

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Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2005, 11:23:38 pm »
It was the first meeting,

I did figure it was simply that the word didn't get spread enough, but.. still... didn't do much for the morale...

I'll definetly go next month and try to drum up some buisness lol

Terri-Gene

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2005, 01:32:19 am »
First meeting?  It takes time for any new group to gain any steam, even established groups have trouble with attendence for reasons already given.  I remember visiting with a friend and her girlfriend in Concord and she mentioned a TG fundraiser luncheon scheduled for the next day and we decided to attend, bucks in hand.  We got up the next morning and of Course Roxxie and I were ready real quick in our jeans, tops and minimal makeup, but her girlfriend, being one of the girly girl types took forever getting dressed and we arrived at the meeting place a half hour late.  There was a sign on the door saying the meeting and the luncheon was canceled due to lack of interest.  And this less then 20 min.  from San Francisco.  I guess it may have had something to do with the fact money was involved or something.

Actually I got burned out on support groups years ago, as those I tried had very little for TS individuals and needs.  Most members seemed to view it simply as a chance to get dressed and show off to the other members.  I saw little purpose or true support in them.

Terri

Offline Alison

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Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2005, 11:49:38 pm »
Second meeting, still no attendance. lol..

its sorta a catch-22.... I'd advertise it to folks I know,  but... the biggest reason I want to go is to meet people in my position because I don't know any..

hopefully next month! :)

Shelley

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2005, 05:20:49 am »
Keep up the hope Alison I think it will be worth the wait.

Shelley

stephanie_craxford

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2005, 09:32:19 am »
Hello Alison,

Why not advertise the next meeting in local newspapers, or post ads in the post office etc...  It may help, as you need people for the "word of mouth" method to work, and as you mentioned you don't know any.

Chat later,

Steph

Leah

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2005, 02:03:52 pm »
Hi,
I found out about my husband's hidden secret about five years ago going on six actually. We had been married amost 20 years. I am 52 now and he is turning 59. During this time since he told me, he and I found it very hard to find people on either side to talk openly. It as been quite a journey of seeking information and support. Continue to read on and you will see what almost six years has produced.

You have to search for the conection. I think it would be great if the TG groups held meeting for their partners and families at the same time they held theirs. Maybe in a different room is what I thought until this past weekend. I'll relate on this topic below. I have such great open channels of communication with my husband there is nothing we don't speak of now. No Topic is off limits any more.

My husband had been trying to find other TG's for help and direction for about a month when he came across This site it has been a great boomerang site for helping direct and meet others.

We went to visit a person in Pueblo, Co. that he met on the interenet. She shared living her life for so many years in secret and coming out and the seperation and devorce. She had sons and grand children that she sees from time to time. She had just completed SRS. Sexual Reasignment Surgery. Still in the six weeks recovery period.

That person gave us information on another couple that were living in a very small town ect., similar to ours situations maybe. She also told us of an event coming up called Gold-Rush in Denver. We went and on the way home we stopped off to meet the couple.

The Gold Rush had Great lectures from DR.'s, Surgon and even a person speaking from being a Tgal of several years. They gave bits of encouragement to us signifigant others off and on in their talks. That was all. Nothing very directly to us.

The couple we drove to see on the way home was very much different from our situation. They drank, we don't,  the TG only dressed in private and took on the part of the woman of the house. The signifigant other was just there and seemed to just become a girl friend for the day. Maybe giving off an air of tolorating the situation. They were not interested in us and our situation. The TG was not interested in going farther to change over to female, just the dressing and roll playing on an occassional basis. They had a daughter that they had not told the ins and outs to.

Then my husband found another perosn on the internet. This one was a Therapist from Florida. He and his wife met more of the similartities of our situation. He was on the hormones and the SRS was already finished. She then earned money from referrals to the Thailand Surgon. Her wife and I spoke on the phone a couple of times and had very good conversations. She shared the concerns of her family and the effects it had on them, their children and grandchildren. She shared how her life had been changed without her having control over the changes. They were in public eye at dinner parties and at the office where they both worked, she the Receptionist for her signifigant other the Therapist. She shared how the man she once had been married to was not that person anymore. They do change. moods change, physichle changes and desires change according to her.

Our situation is a little different than others we hear about. My husband wants SRS and will have it with in the next year if the plan goes with out a hitch. He is completely repulsed by the male body and has not shared it for almost 7 years. Before that time period he only shared it about once every few months. I had no idea why. I thought it was something to do with me. My shape, my size, my way of responding to his touch ect. During the past 2 years or so prior to his telling me I had spoke to 2 of my three sons about it thinking he was ill and wouldn't go to a Dr. They said "good greif mom he's over 50 years old, face that part of your lives is coming to an end."Boy do they have a suprise waiting for them when they reach older years! They will still have the desires. No we are more intimate than we ever were in our married life. Not having to perform as a man lifted such burdens from him he is touching and caressing daily. We us other methods of intimicay that are very satisfying. Better than before!

My husband and I were begining to feel that all TG's were self centered and paranoid. We wrote an email about it to the 20 or so post op patients on a Dr's webpage that we had been thinking of going to for his SRS surgery. We got 3 responces and some very good explanations for why people had not responded before. Some little things we had over looked. We have visited back and forth by email and some phone calls for the past couple months now. They have been very helpful and very informative. Even a little scarey for me to find out the few couples that stay couples after the TG comes out. My husband and I have a very good relationship and communicate very well our dream and desires. We talk about everything my fears, my feelings, his fears and feeling. I hope that will be enough when his SRS is completed to stay together. At any rate I want him to go through with what ever it is he needs to. He has lived so long as something he was really not meant to be. He needs to have the wondeful experiance of being as much female as he can be.

About a month ago my husband found another group in Albaqurque, NM. They had a webpage of their own and it tells what the topic of the weekly meeting is going to be. We went this past weekend. The meeting was on Friday evening. The Tg meeting included signifigant others. There were only about 3 other signifigant others present and then myself made 4. The meeting this  time was a 1953 film directed by Ed Wood entitled 'Glen or Glenda". Very good film. The group sat on sofa's and layed on pillow's eating popcorn while they watched the movie much as you would in your own home. The meeting was held in a church family room. There were 26 total in attendance. They were so comfortable, and very talkative, which inturn made us feel very comfortable and welcome. They pasted an offering basket for donations for the room fee. The group as a whole were very willing to help and talk about everything we brought up. 12 of us went out to get a bite to eat after the meeting. There we got to visit for about an hour more and really had a great time. Out of the 26 there were only 3 new comers or first timers. So it was worth the seven hour drive from our home.

So when other's email you telling you to not give up on the group for support take the advise to heart. Keep searching. Keep seaking out the answers you need. We are centrally located. Just 200 to 500 miles from any town of any real size to it.  So we knew we would have to go to them for a group for support.

Feel free to contact me about anything and I'll do what I can to help with what ever it is you seek.

Warmest Regards,
Leah


Offline Susan

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Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2005, 02:34:43 pm »
You have to search for the conection. I think it would be great if the TG groups held meeting for their partners and families at the same time they held theirs. Maybe in a different room is what I thought until this past weekend. I'll relate on this topic below. I have such great open channels of communication with my husband there is nothing we don't speak of now. No Topic is off limits any more.


Many support groups do hold separate meetings for the SO's some do them on the same day and others do them on different days. You should suggest your current support group consider doing something similar.

My husband had been trying to find other TG's for help and direction for about a month when he came across This site it has been a great boomerang site for helping direct and meet others.

Thank you, You both are why this site is here :)

She also told us of an event coming up called Gold-Rush in Denver. We went and on the way home we stopped off to meet the couple.

The Gold Rush had Great lectures from DR.'s, Surgon and even a person speaking from being a Tgal of several years. They gave bits of encouragement to us signifigant others off and on in their talks. That was all. Nothing very directly to us.


You should speak to the organizers about correcting this important oversight in future events they hold. If no one ever raises the suggestion they may not think of it during their planning sessions.


She then earned money from referrals to the Thailand Surgon.

I hope she's totally happy with her surgery if not then referring people to that surgeon would be unethical. I wonder how many customers the surgeons get from my SRS Surgeon pages.

My husband and I were begining to feel that all TG's were self centered and paranoid.

We all are a bit of self centered and all transgender are paranoid to a lesser or greater extent. It comes with the territory . Fear is a cruel mistress and one that all <not allowed> have faced. Even after surgery a post-op may still be paranoid about exposure if they weren't during their name change process. Many <not allowed> move after surgery to begin a new life in a slightly different closet called stealth. Always fearing that they will be discovered and outed one day.


My husband and I have a very good relationship and communicate very well our dream and desires.  We talk about everything my fears, my feelings, his fears and feeling. I hope that will be enough when his SRS is completed to stay together. At any rate I want him to go through with what ever it is he needs to. He has lived so long as something he was really not meant to be. He needs to have the wondeful experiance of being as much female as he can be.

Communication is the foundation of a good relationship and your spouse is very lucky to have a loving and understanding wife such as yourself. I hope they realize that and take the time to thank you for it every single day. As for after surgery take it a step at a time. Remember there are many more ways to be intimate than just penetration.

About a month ago my husband found another group in Albaqurque, NM. They had a webpage of their own and it tells what the topic of the weekly meeting is going to be. We went this past weekend. The meeting was on Friday evening. The Tg meeting included signifigant others. There were only about 3 other signifigant others present and then myself made 4. The meeting this  time was a 1953 film directed by Ed Wood entitled 'Glen or Glenda". Very good film. The group sat on sofa's and layed on pillow's eating popcorn while they watched the movie much as you would in your own home. The meeting was held in a church family room. There were 26 total in attendance. They were so comfortable, and very talkative, which inturn made us feel very comfortable and welcome. They pasted an offering basket for donations for the room fee. The group as a whole were very willing to help and talk about everything we brought up. 12 of us went out to get a bite to eat after the meeting. There we got to visit for about an hour more and really had a great time. Out of the 26 there were only 3 new comers or first timers. So it was worth the seven hour drive from our home.

They sound like a great support group.

So when other's email you telling you to not give up on the group for support take the advise to heart. Keep searching. Keep seaking out the answers you need. We are centrally located. Just 200 to 500 miles from any town of any real size to it.  So we knew we would have to go to them for a group for support.

People need to realize that if you can't find a group that you like then you should think seriously about starting one. It's a lot of work but I can promise you if you are looking others are too and they are feeling just as lost and alone as you are! It's like they said in field of dreams... If you build it they will come!

I am happy you decided to join our family Leah you are a welcome addition! Invite your spouse to participate as well She is one of us and so are you! :)
Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! You can also view the donor wall of fame.

Leah

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2005, 03:51:16 pm »
Oops...
My husband is Leah now. I'm Peggiann.
I'm not sure how we messed up the sign in. Leah thought he was supposed to sign in and we both could just visit in from there.

I guess now that Leah has chosen a name and has started using it I should refer to her as she and her when talking on here but this part is still new to me too. She introduced herself as Leah for the first time at the group meeting this past weekend. Which I must say was a wonderful weekend. So close campanionship and such a beautiful drive to enjoy it in too. The Fall Foliage was at it's peak in colors. Simply lovely. We went shopping and Leah dressed for going out in public and looked great too. Looking for shoes seems to be a big hurdle for her. I thought I had trouble. I wear an 11 or sometimes 12, but Leah will take probably a 14 1/2 to 15. We had drove on down to Jaurez, Mexico. There we were able to find a store that had Boots that worked for her. 

I guess maybe we should tell our story on here somewhere and share what else we are proceeding with and at what stage we are and how to help each other through what we are experiencing now.

I wrote the last one after Leah had logged on and showed me this part of the site.

Warmest Rgards,
Peggiann

Offline Susan

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Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #16 on: November 16, 2005, 04:05:11 pm »
I guess maybe we should tell our story on here somewhere and share what else we are proceeding with and at what stage we are and how to help each other through what we are experiencing now.

Warmest Rgards,
Peggiann

That's what the introduction forum is for :) Have at it
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Shelley

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2005, 04:54:29 am »
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Leah and Peggian. For many of us there are two sides to the process and hearing it from the point of view of an SO helps a lot.

We have a number of SO's who post here and I have to say that their stories are as important, I believe, as those of the TG partner. How we fit into a relationship as a TG is very reliant on how our partners communicate what they need to us. If we don't know and rely only on guessing there is always the chance of misunderstanding.

So again thankyou and welcome to Susan's.

Shelley

stephanie_craxford

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2005, 06:15:40 am »
As Shelley has said have the support of our significant others is crucial if our transition is to be a success.  I've said this before but if couples plan to stay to together then the transition affects both just as much, this includes all the mental and emotional stressors, and the coming out to family and friends, just to mention a few.

So welcome to Susan's, but as Susan said, why not head over to the introductions and make it official

beth

Re: Well, I went to a support group.
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2005, 06:16:48 pm »
             Hello Leah and Peggiann,


                   Thanks for sharing parts of your life with us. I look forward to hearing many more interesting things from you both. Welcome to Susan's.



beth

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