I've thought of doing this many times, of course I'd be to scared of the pain and ending up so scarred that I would never even want to remove my shirt, even in front of myself. Rather I always wished I had breast cancer, in fact I sickly fantasized about it since these things developed. Breast cancer even runs in my family. I know how it feels to be at that point where your wishing the worst upon yourself or thinking bad thoughts just to have those things gone. No more binding, no more pain, you can go shirtless, pass better, and look at yourself and actually be happy with what you've got.
I read once about a man who said his leg wasn't part of him, his brain just didn't register it. So he froze his leg until getting frostbite and they had to cut it off. I constantly thought, what if I did the same, but the risks are all just to high. These thoughts are tempting, even scary when you really look at them, but it's just another part of our life, a part of what ends up making us who we are, and as strong as we are. I write things like this as well, in the heat of the moment. I honestly come close to convincing myself I could actually do it. I think what if I die and I have to have these things on my body until I decay? I may not care if I am dead but the thought bothers me while being alive. The only way I can think of to even cope with this is knowing one day I'm going to get my operation with one of the bests and maybe in the 1-2 years I have to wait for it, he'll be even better at it, leaving me with something I have only ever had in my fantasies.
Anyways, good luck with coping. I know it's ->-bleeped-<- sometimes, or basically all the time since they don't exactly hide of sight, but one day they will be gone.
