Legal name

[Diane Elizabeth]

   Has anyone gone into RLE without legally changing their name and gender?   If so how was it getting people to call/ refer you as the person you are living as?

[JungianZoe]

I did just that and it wasn't too terribly difficult.  Work was the hardest part because I was legally obligated to write my old name on all official forms (turned in for government grants) and my office was legally obligated to use my name on all official forms, some of which were publicly posted.  It was frustrating because my coworkers couldn't get my name or pronouns right at all under those circumstances, which led to me being outed in front of a crowd of 75 people.  NOT fun.

Friends were totally good with name/pronouns right away, except for one who now has my name right, but can never pronounce it (I hate hearing my name pronounced like "hoe").  My mom and stepdad were the tough ones, as they didn't really start trying until my name change became legal and I showed them the papers.  Now they're making an effort and I love them for it.  Part of it may also have to do with the fact that my legal last name is now the same as theirs.  They know that I'm serious about changing my life and the externalities of my identity.

[EmilyElizabeth]

I haven't changed my name yet, but I will likely do that when I get back to my hometown next week.

[April Dawne]

In a sense, I was pretty much full time long before I lost my job. I was me after hours and on weekends, and was called April by people (at least the ones who accepted it or didn't know otherwise) during that time. My name change didn't go through legally until January but I was being called April as early as the summer of 2010 by most people I knew.

Certain family members are still resistant, even though it's now all legal and reflected on my driver's license. I've decided that those who refuse to respect the fact that I have made this positive change for myself no longer have a place in my life.

[JessicaR]

I started living "as me" (RLE) about 5 months before I legally changed my name.

   For family and friends, even though I had come out several months before, I firmly but politely reiterated that I identified as female and, from that point on, I would require that
they start using "she" and "her." I also stated that, from that point on, I would no longer respond to or even acknowledge being called by my old name, that I was then Jessica Leah.
At this point, you really have to resist the temptation to be over-tolerant. Don't ever say things like, "I would like it if you called me, "<pronoun>," or if you're comfortable with calling
me, "<new name>," you can. Be direct... even blunt, but still polite and with a smile. Family is toughest and they're going to slip.... often at first. Correct them every time! If you don't,
they're going to take advantage of your avoiding the conflict. This can be especially troublesome in social situations when you're being introduced or referred to in a conversation. For
example, if walking with your Mom and she happens to meet a friend.. be proactive and introduce yourself rather than let your Mom introduce you or refer to you incorrectly.  This
part of transition is hard work with family and takes time but you can't back down. You may find that some that have known you may just outright refuse to accept the change;
that's when you have to be strong enough to turn away from them... If they don't have enough respect for you to call you by your name or by appropriate pronouns, they're not
worth keeping as friends. Same for family.
  Unfortunately, for employers, it's really up to them until you make it legal. I sat down with my HR manager (always with a trusted witness present) and told her that I would
appreciate being issued a new name badge and to "unofficially" change my name at work. They complied but every employer is different; If they refuse, there's unfortunately little
you can do until you make it legal. At work, I took a very open and honest approach. Whenever someone had questions or issues with me, I addressed them openly. I can't say that
such an approach would work for everyone in every situation but it worked for me. About 140 coworkers witnessed my social transition over a 6 month period and only one ever
gave me grief. I really feel that being very open to discussing my transition and a healthy sense of humor about it helped make my transition at work as successful as it was.

[Debra]

I was RLE outside of work for 3 months before changing my name and 4 months before actually going full time at work. Not quite the same though

[girl_ashley]

In Feb 2010, I started HRT.  On Feb 2011, I went "full-time".  At the beginning of April 2011, I got SRS.  A couple of weeks ago I submitted some paperwork to get my gender marker changed on my driver's license.  All of this and I still have yet to change my name.

Suffice to say, it's not problem at all to not change your name until you are ready, even if it's after SRS.

[Annah]

   Has anyone gone into RLE without legally changing their name and gender?   If so how was it getting people to call/ refer you as the person you are living as?

I was in RLE for about 4 months before my name became legal. I even got a part time job at JC Penneys under my old name while I presented as Annah. It wasn't too bad. I simply told the HR director and Store manager so no funny things pop up on my background check.

They did my name, my schedule, my number all under Annah.

My Seminary even put me under Annah too. But all of this was not without some effort. For example, before my name became legal, my Seminary ID Card said R. Annah Hinman (R for Robert).

[Colleen Ireland]

I'm full-time now, but only about 3 months on HRT, and no legal name change yet (I just submitted my application this past week).  At work, everyone calls me Colleen, and my ID badge, cubicle nameplate, and email address all reflect that, but anything connected to Payroll or HR carries my legal name.  The only time THAT'S been a problem was when I needed a password reset, and the dink on the phone kept misunderstanding what I needed, and it turned into a half-hour phone call during which I had to endure endless 'Sir's.  After that, I felt like crying.  But mostly it's not a problem.

In the meantime, I've (re-)introduced myself to most of my health-care professionals (GP, Dentist, cardiologist, etc.), and I've even sold and bought a house.  Each time I need to deal with a person (such as a real-estate agent, lawyer, etc.) who needs to know my legal name, I just explain the situation in a forthright manner, and everyone so far has treated me with the utmost respect.  I've bought things in stores with my credit card (which has my old name), and no problem, not even curious looks.  Once in a while, I get a double-take, like when I went for bloodwork, and the form had my old name on it, and the nurse came over to the cubicle where I was, sat down, looked at the form, and thought she'd got the wrong form.  Almost went back to see what the mixup was.  I enjoy times like that - it lets me know I'm PASSING.

But no, I haven't had any problems at all with it.  The house purchase closes on July 29, I'm hoping the name change is official before then so I can get the deed in the right name...

[JessicaR]

Colleen, you just brought a whole collection of memories back to mind....

    Those little incidents that you describe are so validating! I remember having to go to the emergency room early on into transition, before the name change...
and even with the male name right in front of them it was:

"Is there any chance that you're pregnant?"

No

".....and when was your last period?"

If they only knew how good those innocent little questions made us feel :-)

[Ann Onymous]

   Has anyone gone into RLE without legally changing their name and gender?   If so how was it getting people to call/ refer you as the person you are living as?

Define legally?  And yeah, that was somewhat of a serious question...I'm mumble-something years post-op and had gotten SS, DL and BC changed without ever having to go to court on a name change.

Once the SS card was changed, everything else just fell into place across the late 80's and early 90's as it related to documentation. 

The employer I had at the time never asked for court orders or anything other than to look at my SS card and my DL.  Since those were changed and correct, they reissued the agency ID and made the corresponding changes in the records during a period of time I took off (I had more than a month of time I needed to burn anyhow). 

[JungianZoe]

Define legally?  And yeah, that was somewhat of a serious question...I'm mumble-something years post-op and had gotten SS, DL and BC changed without ever having to go to court on a name change.

Lucky!!   Now, you can't do anything without going through an entire process before changing SS and DL.  In the state of Colorado, that requires getting two fingerprint cards, sending one to the FBI for a federal criminal history check, and one to the CBI for a state criminal history check.  When you get the results of your checks back, you have to take them in to your county court and fill out four papers to petition the name change.  Then you have to go before a judge (in a packed courtroom at times) and verbally state your name, what you're changing your name to, and say aloud everything you filled out on the papers, all while under oath.

If the judge approves the petition, you then have to publish your name change in the paper three times unless you can prove a domestic abuse situation (in which case, the publication requirement is waived).  The day after the final publication, you must take the entire newspaper back to the courthouse where the clerk stamps the petition and makes your name change "legal."  In my county, they gave me three original copies of the order.  Then, you have to take those original copies to SS to get a new card.  Twenty-four hours after you do SS, you can go to the DMV for your new DL, but you once again need to take in the official copy of the order, your previous license, and now, because of the RealID stuff, another piece of mail with your address on it (dumbest requirement in the world if you ask me).

Even more fun, if you want your gender marker changed, you have to wait in line once to get a form from a clerk, which your doctor has to fill out stating your new gender.  Then you have to wait in line again to give that form to the DMV for your new license.  Lost four hours of last week to waiting at the DMV, but the results are worth it.

In all, the process took about 2.5 months: 6 weeks waiting for FBI's check to arrive, and 3 weeks for newspaper publication were the longest steps.

[Ann Onymous]

Lucky!!   Now, you can't do anything without going through an entire process before changing SS and DL.  In the state of Colorado, that requires getting two fingerprint cards, sending one to the FBI for a federal criminal history check, and one to the CBI for a state criminal history check.  When you get the results of your checks back, you have to take them in to your county court and fill out four papers to petition the name change.  Then you have to go before a judge (in a packed courtroom at times) and verbally state your name, what you're changing your name to, and say aloud everything you filled out on the papers, all while under oath.

If the judge approves the petition, you then have to publish your name change in the paper three times unless you can prove a domestic abuse situation (in which case, the publication requirement is waived).  The day after the final publication, you must take the entire newspaper back to the courthouse where the clerk stamps the petition and makes your name change "legal."  In my county, they gave me three original copies of the order.  Then, you have to take those original copies to SS to get a new card.  Twenty-four hours after you do SS, you can go to the DMV for your new DL, but you once again need to take in the official copy of the order, your previous license, and now, because of the RealID stuff, another piece of mail with your address on it (dumbest requirement in the world if you ask me).

Even more fun, if you want your gender marker changed, you have to wait in line once to get a form from a clerk, which your doctor has to fill out stating your new gender.  Then you have to wait in line again to give that form to the DMV for your new license.  Lost four hours of last week to waiting at the DMV, but the results are worth it.

In all, the process took about 2.5 months: 6 weeks waiting for FBI's check to arrive, and 3 weeks for newspaper publication were the longest steps.

oh trust me, I know what the Family Code requires had I gone through that process...I just lucked out all the way around and had the advantage of hitting up a VERY small DL office that processed the administrative change and then just as quickly changed the gender marker when I brought a citation in a few weeks later where the Trooper had been kind enough to note an *ahem* error in the recently renewed license. 

The other obvious advantage for me is that the lack of court appearance means there is no paper trail that is easily located...what might still exist is not available via public records request and may not even exist if there was a subpoena duces tecum served upon the agency.

[Josh]

My name aint changed yet and im fulltime.