Please, stop outing me.

[azSam]

I like that too 

[April Dawne]

I also thought of PARADE-- People Against Reckless Affiliation Disclosure Everywhere

[cynthialee]

I got alot of 'This is my sister Cyndi, she ussed to be my brother', when I was at my brothers place last weekend.

[Kim 526]

Hi,

I transitioned 3 months before I started a new job. The HR folks were approached by the GLBT group (I knew a member of that group from before I started at the company), and they had a sit-down with the department manager & supervisors to plan out my arrival before the fact. So I was pretty much outed before I got there, but it was no big deal - I'm 6'0" (or 5'12" as I prefer saying  ) and I didn't kid myself that I'd be as stealth as some of my smaller friends were. I'm just myself & everything's fine. That was 11 1/2 years ago. Work's still going great! I am valued for my intelligence, good work habits, and team skills, which is the way it should be.

Kim

[rachel_eliason]

For the most part I am about as open as people come. I had the comforting problem that I didn't lose any friends or family in my transtion.
Which means almost all my friends have known me in my former life.
The only place I have problem is at work. When I am at work I am a nurse; nothing more or less. My co-workers are really good about my
name change, but they screw up the pronouns regularly, which is really confusing for the patients. "Rachel is your nurse tonight, Ill tell him about that."
It is annoying. I've talked to a few of them and they swear they are trying, but it slips out.

[girl_ashley]

In DC, it is illegal for someone to out you without your permission.  No matter what the circumstance for the outing or method.

[Hikari]

In DC, it is illegal for someone to out you without your permission.  No matter what the circumstance for the outing or method.

I never knew about that, I know that they are pretty progressive though, it is amazing that you could get fired in Arlington, and 5 mintues away the government in DC is willing to protect your bathroom rights (even if they haven't done the best job at it). It is amazing how much difference an imaginary line makes.

[azSam]

Well it seems I may have a job at disney, I posted about this on facebook. Unfortunately, I've had to delete several comments talking about "trans" or "->-bleeped-<-", such as "the whole ->-bleeped-<- community is going to start working there".

This is what I'm talking about, unnecessary outing. There are several people on my facebook that I'm not out to, but this is news that I think everyone can join in on, and when people out me for no good reason like that I get very frustrated.

I'm not ashamed of being trans, but once people know that your trans it's always in their head and so many of your conversations with them become about your trans-ness, and it's exhausting. I don't think it's selfish to want some normalcy in one's life.

[jamie nicole]

Well it seems I may have a job at disney, I posted about this on facebook. Unfortunately, I've had to delete several comments talking about "trans" or "->-bleeped-<-", such as "the whole ->-bleeped-<- community is going to start working there".

This is what I'm talking about, unnecessary outing. There are several people on my facebook that I'm not out to, but this is news that I think everyone can join in on, and when people out me for no good reason like that I get very frustrated.

I'm not ashamed of being trans, but once people know that your trans it's always in their head and so many of your conversations with them become about your trans-ness, and it's exhausting. I don't think it's selfish to want some normalcy in one's life.

but then again, how can we ever educate the general public for something that is so misunderstood?

[azSam]

I'm always happy to educate, but there is no reason that every single person I meet has to know I'm trans. My trans-identity doesn't need to be a part of every aspect of my life.

Edit -

There is also age to take into account. A lot of late transitioners are comfortable in their social setting and a lot of times they're comfortable in their relationship status as well and don't really mind being out and open to everyone. Being young, my social identity is still malleable. I seek relationships and friendships on nearly a daily basis and I'm always meeting new people. Wanting a normal life style, one free of the trans-label isn't wrong or selfish. It get's exhausting for everything to be about your trans identity. I can't even go into a pool, in my bathing suite without some (trying really hard to avoid vulgarities) jerk looking at my tuck to see if my balls are hanging out.

So yeah, I want some amount of stealth in my life.

[JungianZoe]

I'm always happy to educate, but there is no reason that every single person I meet has to know I'm trans. My trans-identity doesn't need to be a part of every aspect of my life.

Exactly how I feel about it too... I'm more than happy to educate those who want to know, and to be able to do it on my terms.  But at the same time, not every store clerk has to find out about me when I pay for something with a credit card.  Couldn't be happier now that I have new cards and my new license!   Good riddance to being forced out everywhere.

[Ann Onymous]

but then again, how can we ever educate the general public for something that is so misunderstood?

last I checked, being born with a birth defect did not carry with it the incumbent requirement that I participate in the education of the free world about how otherwise normal I was...

[jamie nicole]

so when the free world says...and has said, that we are nothing but men dressing in womens clothes and that we're perverts for using the female restroom, you're ok with that?  And of course this is just a generalization of the what society thinks when they here the umbrella term "transgender." 
when we are the recipients of discrimination...denied employment, an education, housing, etc because we are transgendered, you're ok with that as well?  To date, their are limited local and state gov'ts in which gender identity is a protected class against discrimination.  I have no problems with telling anyone I am transgendered or my life story or what it's like to be different.  I do whatever I can to help educate others so that the common misconception about us is better understood.  The only way we will be 100% accepted by society in general is when society has a better understanding of us.

[A]

It's not about being okay about it or anything. It's hard to compare, but let's say Africa. No one is "okay" with the fact that people there have their rights, food, money and even health sipped out of them by people linked to rich countries' millionaires, but not everyone wants to make the effort of dedicating their life to helping those people.

In the case of transgendered people, the price to pay is not money or time like with Africa; it is to be partly stripped of the "normal" life one has struggled incredibly hard to get.

Sacrificing oneself for the others is good, but not everyone can do it, and on ->-bleeped-<-/transsexualism, I am not sure I can either. Some people are okay with being fully open regarding their "special" status. It's great. But not everyone is capable of maintaining a mental health and happiness in such a state.

Being open and honest is a plus, not an obligation. Similarly, choosing not to outright reveal secrets is a right, and whilst willingfully refusing to use a right to defend that in which one believes in and for the future generations is good, it is not an obligation.

To continue the comparison with Africa, being absolutely open about one's ->-bleeped-<- is not like chipping in a few dollars a week to feed the poor or signing a petition to force a factory there to be more ethical. It's like becoming a politician and working every day, without ever being able to retire, to change politics regarding Africa, or to enroll to be a missionnary over there.

It's no small thing. Transgendered people struggle with an enormous amount of problems already to just be allowed to live. It is not on THEM that a life-long burden must be placed. That's what activists, petition authors and politicians are for.

[Muffins]

Direct throw back to trying to educate the public "we are trans and we are just like everyone else, just don't call us trans!". eerrrrrrrr.... so you are this but you're not? Or you don't want people to know? wait I'm confused so what are we suppose to..?? huh?".

I've always been against educating the public, it should of stayed like it was back in the 60-70s... no one knows and if they see a women that is slightly less womanly than the next then they just assume they were born that way and had never actually transitioned from one sex to the other.

Now all these people want to "educate" the public but they want conditions on that and to control it so far beyond reality that it's just delusional.

I'm not shocked or surprised by any of this, more amused.

[Ann Onymous]

so when the free world says...and has said, that we are nothing but men dressing in womens clothes and that we're perverts for using the female restroom, you're ok with that?  And of course this is just a generalization of the what society thinks when they here the umbrella term "transgender." 

I'm not sure you really want my true opinion on that, especially since I abhor the term 'transgender.'  If someone wanted to run a genitalia check on me to confirm that I actually have what my DL and birth certificate have shown for much of the past 20 years, then so be it.  Good luck finding a paper trail on any of it either since I worked through the cracks in the system and did not leave a paper trail...

when we are the recipients of discrimination...denied employment, an education, housing, etc because we are transgendered, you're ok with that as well?  To date, their are limited local and state gov'ts in which gender identity is a protected class against discrimination.  I have no problems with telling anyone I am transgendered or my life story or what it's like to be different.  I do whatever I can to help educate others so that the common misconception about us is better understood.  The only way we will be 100% accepted by society in general is when society has a better understanding of us.

again, I never laid a claim to anything 'transgendered' and damned sure won't be doing anything to advance a cause that insists on using that term.  I may have a past history of having a transsexual medical condition that has been remedied vis a vis medical intervention MANY years ago, but it is also not a condition that has cause me a problem with employment, education or housing.  In fact, unless someone digs up a transcript from a high school that no longer exists, good effing luck finding anything that links that part of my history to the me that has a credentialed professional career...

[Sarah B]

What is it with people who constantly say "Please, stop outing me."  If you do not want to be outed period then "DO NOT BLOODY SAY ANYTHING".  Because once you say something then you will not have any control over what people will say and do.  It is just fortunate that I virtually gave up everything over 22 years ago and by doing that I have not had the troubles that others are constantly having today.  Yes, I know some have children and partners and it is up to you in those circumstances, what you do.

Whose we?  I'm have not, have never been and never will be a part of the community, because as Ann Onymous alluded to, I also hate and detest anything trans*.  If anyone wants to run a check on me, they are going to have a extremely hard time digging up any information on me and I will wish them, "the best luck in the world".  Why?  Because I just recently as a matter of interest, checked all my background through Freedom of Information (FOI) laws and even I could not come up with anything.

The only exceptions are 2 long time doctors, 1 surgeon and 2 government departments and of course my family.   The first 5 are bound by confidentiality and privacy laws.  The last of course is my family and I have said to them I do not want to be 'outed' and if they do and I find out, I will not associate with them again.  My privacy is paramount to me and my family and if you want to live your life, where others do not know about you then "don't say anything".  I used the system as much as possible to make sure I left no indications of my past medical condition or my past life.

I also will not advanced any cause for those that want to use the trans* whatever or any other label.  Yes I do understand my medical condition and I had corrective surgery over 20 years ago and I have had an extremely successful life ever since.  As far as I'm aware I have not been 'discriminated' in any shape or form and whoa behold anyone that does.

As Ann Onymous said "good effing luck" to anyone trying to find any links with my previous life.

Warm regards
Sarah B

[azSam]

What is it with people who constantly say "Please, stop outing me."  If you do not want to be outed period then "DO NOT BLOODY SAY ANYTHING".

I don't. I've lived in Orlando for the past 16 years of my life. I am close to family, who is supportive, I am close to my friends who are supportive. They know me as Samantha, but they also know my past. They tend to out me for any number of reasons. I've also made a lot of friends from a local trans support group, because when you're so early in transition, having the extra support is extremely beneficial.

These friends of mine, they know I'm trans. I didn't necessarily have to say anything about it. But they have a nasty habbit of outing me. So I'm left with 2 choices. Choice number 1 is to ask them kindly to stop outing me. Choice number 2 is to leave and abandon my family and friends whom I love and who also support me.

I'm not walking around saying, "Oh hey I'm transsexual. Wah stop outing me!!!" - This is happening from people who already know I'm trans, be it from knowing me in the past, or from my support group. I've really only ever come out to maybe 3 people I've ever met, 2 of those being prospective partners. I can't exactly -not- tell them, because I haven't had my srs yet.

[Muffins]

yeah tell them you told them in confidence and it's not for public consumption and if they don't respect that then you'll just share one of their secrets right after they've shared yours. Taste of their own medicine should be enough?

[cynthialee]

Wouldn't outing someone technicaly be violating HIPPA?