Family Issues

[mowdan6]

I know we all have these issues.  Trying to figure out what to do with mine.  My Mom is now 80 years old.  I haven't seen her since 2003, when I came out to her as a transman.  In fact, it was'nt until last year, that she would talk to me.  The reason she started talking to me was because my sister, who also disowned me, was dying, and she needed my support.  My sister passed away, march 2010.  I was told not to attend the funeral.  I am an embarrassement.  Etc. 
Today, I get a phone call from my Mom, asking me why I never come home.  I tried to explain to her that I have changed alot since starting my transition in 2003.  She dangled the carrot in front of me.  Saying, " I want you to come home so that anything you want in this house, you can take back with you."  I do love my Mom very much, and if she ever really needed me, I would be there in a heartbeat.  Right now....I feel like I am being played.  To go home...I feel, would be giving her the opportunity to belittle me one more time.  And that is a place that i can not allow myself to go to....one more time.  I just wish she would see how much I love her, and I wish I could trust her when she tells me she loves me. 

[Sarah Louise]

If you can manage it, go.  It could be the last time you see her.

My mother wanted me to come so bad that she paid for my flight home (she knew she was dying) I made it there the night before she died.  She was in a coma and none of us (my older brother and sister) know for sure she knew I had made it.  I hadn't seen her in 10 years or so.

[mowdan6]

Hey Sarah.  That is one of my big fears.  That one day my Mom will call, really need me, and I'll think it's just her playing her games.  She has done this stuff with me for years.  Ever since i first moved away. (Many Moons ago.)  Calling me up, asking me to come home...she needs help etc.  Where ever I was living...no matter the miles, I would jump in my car, and go.  Only to show up to a Mom that was asking, "What are you doing here and how long are you going to be here?"  I do love my Mom very much.  If she ever really needed me, I would be there in a heartbeat.  It's just hard to know what to do when.... I don't know if she is asking me home...just to belittle me one more time, or asking me home because she really wants me there.  And, I can't put myself in a position where this is a game to her.  Took me too long to get out of that place.  It's a hard call. 

[spacial]

When I was in a not too dissimilar situation I stayed away. I was doing fine. They had done fine without me. I wasn't about to go back, with my tail between my legs, on someone's sufferance.

But that's me.

[Taka]

if your mom is over 80 and you love her, then you should just take any opportunity she gives you to go see her. even if she tells you to get out the moment you arrive, you can hold it against her that she's the one who called you, so the least she could do is let you stay the night

mothers can be difficult to handle, but even they eventually die. you'd probably regret it for the rest of your life if you don't take this opportunity, and (knock on wood) you don't get the chance again while she's still alive