To Zandara, while I'm quite a bit younger, I also went through a somewhat similar period. I've known I'm the way I am since before I can remember; six, but who's to say I just can't remember before that. However, I never really acted on it. The whole process, the details not revealing themselves until midway through my teen years, seemed overly complex and scary. Something like sitting in a waiting room for so many years. It felt like my life would have to go on hold and I'd miss some of, what many describe as, the best years of your life. When I was nineteen I had the opportunity to act on my, we'll call them peculiarities, but I didn't. I decided that it would be far too difficult, that the result would never be good enough; I happen to hold incredibly high standards for just about every facet of my life. I continued trudging through knee deep mud, miserable, for another three years before I finally had a mental break down. The stress that living against the grain of my being crushed me under its tremendous weight. I began isolating myself, breaking friendships with some very mean words, going into hiding. I was going to disappear and reappear all on my own. That ended up falling short when my close friends caught on and forced fed me love and affection. I'm really glad they did. That's where my journey began. Life immediately felt better. Half a year later and I can't begin to tell you how much happier I am every day. Even though I'm, having the standards I have, far from starting anything near my RLE, the little holes I've punched through the dark has brought so much vibrance to my life that I have little doubt that I would have been miserable the rest of my days had I not done something. Something will always be better than nothing. Follow your instincts, do what your mind tells you is right, don't let time, age, or anything else sway you away from feeling happiness the way it was intended.
