came out

[jillian]

my mom thinks facebook made me a transgirl.

So Ive suffered through drug addiction, homelessness, and jail, partially due to hiding this secret my whole life.
I come out and it seems that what I am telling everyone is not true and that due to outside influences such as facebook and the such that I am thinking I am trans.

I feel like I will never see my family again.

If thats how it has to be, well it will, but Ive always been there when they needed me.

I know it is not easy to learn your 33 year old son has always wanted to and is becoming a woman.


It seems as if I am going to lose everything, yet I cannot back down.

I know eventually I should have people in my life who accept me and are loving,
but now is the time that it seems I need it most.

[Nurse With Wound]

That's pretty ridiculous to think that something like facebook would challenge someones gender identity. How much did you explain to them? D:

Hopefully they'll come around later, good luck!

[justmeinoz]

How did your mother react to you going to prison or using drugs?
I would have thought that would have been more distressing than a medical problem for which there is a remedy.
Sounds like your mother needs to get her priorities sorted.  If that is the way your family feel, then it's their loss.  You sound like will still be there for them.
Maybe you can get her a copy of a book like  "True Selves" or "Transgender Voices."  And more importantly, get her to agree to read it completely. At least then she will have as much information as you.

Karen

[jillian]

I explained everything I could from dysphoria to the differences between crossdressers, drag queens and trans girls.

I explained when I first knew, what I felt leading up to it, why I hid it for so long.

It was not easy. They were drilling me and kind of attacking me as if I didnt think about it long enough, I even told them Ive thought about it everyday for basically my whole life.

They questioned my wifes sanity and free mind and told her that I was basically manipulating her to stay with me, and said how could she be happy with me.

It really kind of depressed me,  I am sure Ill get over it, but as successful as Ive been and as kind and good hearted as I am, the consensus was that my head is ->-bleeped-<-ed up, or so it seemed.

I really just want to move away and start a new life.

I have great skills that helped me get a 100k a year job, Im sure I can do it again.  It just sucks.

[Sephirah]

Honey you don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

One of my favourite sayings: "I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you."

If you tell them, and they don't 'get it', that's their issue, not yours. You have nothing to prove. You are who you are. You don't have to somehow convince them. It's your life.

[justmeinoz]

Oh well, you tried your best.  Their loss.
Your wife is more important than them, and if she is on your side then that's all that matters really. I'd just ask her where she would most love to live, and move there. 
Hugs, Karen.

[jillian]

Karen, my mom is pretty much neurotic at this point.

I dont thik she has ever accepted that her brother is gay.
When I was a kid I was forced to cut my hair to comply to her fake picture of what her children were.

She said she loves me because I am her child, and of course it is difficult for her, I understand that.
I just dont think it should be treated like a tragedy. For the record, I never went to prison, I was a drug offender and wound up in county jail and some treatment centers.

Of course the next question was, how come this didnt come out sooner?
or if you really felt this way for so long, why are you just now seeing a therapist?

It seemed as if they didnt believe what I was saying.

Ill be okay, it just is a lot of negative energy to move forward with.

I salute my wife, but I also feel guilty for subjecting her to this, again, I was totally begining too feel like we could make this work, and now I am completely filled with doubt over whether or not she will truly be happy.

Then there was the whole "if god wanted you to be a girl, you wouldnt have to take pills...., but my rebuttal was what about all the meds they take.

Then my chain smoking dad questioned me about health concerns associated with HRT, understandable, but I think the statistics show that smoking is far more deadly that estrogen, unless you consider life a medical risk.


Overall, my Dad was pretty open minded, but he completely went into cop mode, I think to protect his emotions. 

Im not devestated or nothing, it  just sucks, I have one sister who wasnt there, and I am going to have to go through this again :-(   I am getting worn out emotionally and I just want to keep moving forward.

[Muffins]

It's quite common for loved ones to freak out at first but a lot come around once the dust settles. Don't write them off just yet. They may just need time to get their heads around it.

[Sephirah]

Then there was the whole "if god wanted you to be a girl, you wouldnt have to take pills...., but my rebuttal was what about all the meds they take.

And if god wanted you to fly he'd have given you wings, or if god wanted you to cross oceans he'd have given you flippers and gills. That argument is a nonsense.

[spacial]

Your mom and similar are simply not accepting you. They are looking for reasons to dismiss.

I appreciate that, as a neurotic, your mom deserves some leaway, but the reality is, she is unlikely to ever take control of her emotions. If someone, she percieves as having authority, presents themselves to her, offering what she sees as answers to her problems, which include, accepting you, then she she may become less critical and grasping. But the reality is that is unlikely.

I'm sorry to say, but as long as you continue to look for a relationship with her, you will be continually disappointed. She isn't capable of relationships.

The best thing you can do is walk away, for a time at least. Create your own security, beside your wife. If, at some future time, you do re-establish contact with her, it must be on your terms. But it seems almost certain that she will spend most of her time seeking to undermine you.

I'm sorry for this. But these are the realities of people wth this type of neurosis.

[jillian]

thanks girls. I am trying not to put to much emphasis on last night. I know pretty much all of it was a knee jerk reaction.

My dad seemed only to care about my happiness and my safety, as well as whether or not ive thought about it enough.
His experience with people like us has been as a cop going on crisis intervention calls, so of course he has a picture of us all being suicidal.
It did not help that my sister told him I was suicidal some weeks ago.

What really has me down is what they said about my wife, and the way her ability to think for herself was questioned.

I love her so much as a human, and I tell her everyday that if she needs to leave me to find happiness I will understand and be supportive.
I tell her I will always be her friend and I will never abandon her. She insists she loves me as a human being and will try to make this work.
I just hope I am not robbing precious time for her to chase her dreams.

Why couldnt i of just been born female?

Also I ate a 1 pound fat burger so I am back to 195, I was hitting an average of 192. Its almost comical how my weight can effect my mood.
I just want to be pretty....lol

The good thing is I dont have to be macho anymore. I can just be me and be comfortable being so

[Sephirah]

Honey, your wife has a mind of her own. If she wants to be with you then that's her choice. What was said, was said specifically to make you feel guilty... and it worked.

Let your wife choose her own path, and if that's with you, then make the best life together that you can. *hug*

[jillian]

thanks. I am sad, but it will be okay eventually...

[azSam]

*hugs* honey, they may still come around. This is as much a transition for them as it is for you. You've also had time to mentally prepare and think in depth about all of this; this just came out of left field to your family. They need to adjust. I've seen unsupportive parents, even parents who reject their child eventually come around and even give full support.

It's just a shock to them. Tough it out, remain persistent but also be loving and understanding that it's a difficult change.

For someone you knew as a boy your whole entire life to suddenly change and become a girl; seeing you in dresses, long hair, and makeup; well... it's weird. It's something they're not used to. So just the thought of it can knock them out of their complacency, making them feel threatened so they react negatively.

Stay strong.

[jillian]

thanks samantha :-)

[jillian]

actually, thank you all :-)  dont want to leave anyone out.  I am pushing through and am going to make the best of life.

My psuedo sister asked me if I thought god made a mistake when I was made.

My reply was, nope, I think god made me the way I am supposed to be and that sometimes people are the way they are because other people need to learn about themselves just as much as the individual does.  I thought it made complete sense and truly obliterates their logic that I am mentally ill all of a sudden