When are we no longer Transexual?

[Terri-Gene]

When do I cease to be a transsexual?  Hah, thats easy, when I no longer feel myself to be any different from any other woman and consider myself no different. When I have learned what I must know within myself, what it is to succeeed, and to fail on my own  without "his" help, hinderence or holding me back, When the baggage has been unpacked and put away and i'm ready and able to move about where I wish with no thoughts of being anything less.  When I totally and unconditionally accept myself and care no more about the hardships and the struggles, when I no longer worry and fret about what it's taken to come so far and when I no longer remember what it was to not know how to feel, breath and live as anything else, when the last of him has left me forever..  It will then be my reality at that point, and any and all can argue it all they want while I be as my reality guides me to be and whatever is technically right or wrong, I'll be as I am.

Modern feminists see transwomen not only as women but allies--as they should. 

I wish someone would tell a whole heck of a lot of them that.....

Terri

[Northern Jane]

Interesting question.

TS is a label that society has hung on the "condition" of sex/gender mismatch. It is a convenient label when dealing with those who have little first-hand understanding of the subject.

I have never considered myself to be Transsexual, as in transitioning from one sex to the other, although physiologically that was the case in many respects. The essence of who-I-am has not changed very much altough what society allows me to do (without criticism) did change substantially when I switched my public persona.

Some things will never change (like being XY) and certain characteristics of anatomy. Of course the past will never change. When dealing with the anomalies of life post-op, "transsexual" is a convenient term that people understand. 34 years post-op, it is still not part of my self-image.

[Valerie]

I'm thinking a MtF is no longer transsexual when she can dress as and pretend to be a man for halloween.

Beth did you happen to notice what Leigh is going to be for Halloween? 

Umm...isn't being TS a byproduct (so to speak) of GID?  And if someone has transitioned wouldn't that then dissolve the GID...? And if there's no GID, wouldn't there then be no transexualism?  Forgive me if anyone thinks I don't know what I'm talking about--chances are you're right--as a GG I'm just trying to get a clearer picture so I poke my nose in anyhow

When do I cease to be a transsexual?  Hah, thats easy, when I no longer feel myself to be any different from any other woman and consider myself no different. When I have learned what I must know within myself, what it is to succeeed, and to fail on my own  without "his" help, hinderence or holding me back, When the baggage has been unpacked and put away and i'm ready and able to move about where I wish with no thoughts of being anything less.  When I totally and unconditionally accept myself and care no more about the hardships and the struggles, when I no longer worry and fret about what it's taken to come so far and when I no longer remember what it was to not know how to feel, breath and live as anything else, when the last of him has left me forever.. It will then be my reality at that point, and any and all can argue it all they want while I be as my reality guides me to be and whatever is technically right or wrong, I'll be as I am.

Terri I think this is very powerful and beautiful.  I'd be interested in seeing how many share this perspective, or who believes they have been able to achieve this.

Modern feminists see transwomen not only as women but allies--as they should.

 

I wish someone would tell a whole heck of a lot of them that.....

Terri are you saying the majority of feminists you've encountered think of M2F women as less than women? Or even worse, do they somehow think of them as men ?!? (what a repulsive idea...)

Valerie

[Melissa]

What is the point of calling yourself transsexual after transition if it is irrelevant in almost all situations?

Melissa

[BFKate]

Hi Stephanie,

Good question, I think the word transsexual has become a bit of a touch stone for a lot of negative things in wider society.  How many times have you heard derisory comments about '->-bleeped-<-s' or the one I heard on the radio the other day was a gag about a  'transsexual hooker' and it wasn't used in a complimentery way. (could that ever be compliment?)  There's a thing goes on with the concept of 'transsexual' that I often wonder about.  I am a Woman but I also happen to be a transsexual Woman, I don't believe that makes any less of a Woman than any non TS Woman born with a functioning set of ovaries.  I think definitions of "Man and Woman" "Male and Female" and all that jazz currently in society tend not to include transsexuals; as if We are somehow alien or not a proper subset of either.  It's not the word transsexual that is wrong in any way it's the concept that a transsexual Man or Woman is an outsider only worthy of medicalization, patronisation or derision that is wrong.  For me the word transsexual before the word Woman doesn't diminish my Womanhood it just says something about my experience.  Some Branches of Feminist thought would deny our existence and this fits with the way a lot of non TS peole think so it's easy to assosciate  words and peole with these negative overtones. But that way of looking at transsexuals is just wrong.  I really believe that being a transsexual Woman is (apart from  hard)  ultimately a useful set of experiences that has something to contribute to the whole of female and male existence.  If I could have chosen to have been a 'normal' girl of course I would have taken it, but I couldn't.  That doesn't make me any less female nor does it make our F2M brothers any less male because of their journey.

I can only speak as a transsexual, but I believe, even in the face of so many telling us that we are wrong that we can very often be our own harshest critics.  Maybe this is because for almost all of us the very expression of who we are is a bloody big battle.  We are never short of critics and it can be easy to internalise the hatred and disbelief and all the other cobblers that gets thrown our way.  I am no longer in the process of 'trans' but I will be forever shaped by my transsexual experience.  The same is also true for my experience as a Woman.  There are some things we don't share with others who have not had this struggle but the truth is there is more that we do share with them and with each other.  I don't think I will ever stop calling myself a transsexual Woman as it is part of the most formative experience of my life. 
It's logical for me to feel deeply proud of myself and every other Trans Woman and Trans Man.
That's all, enough of my jibber jabbering.

Kate

 

[Terri-Gene]

Really, The word Transsexual gets harder to think about or even pronounce as time goes on.  If you want to consider yourself a TS after surgery, enjoy the fun of it all.  What I find is that I simply no longer see myself in that light anymore, though I will still use the term while discussing the subject.

After coming home from my stoke at the beginning of the year, I found I really no longer really identified as a transsexual, more so, I have thought of myself more and more as simply a woman.  I had a visit from a one time online friend.  She spent a couple of days with me and I came to appreciate what I was and where I was going.  She left here and returned home and we have had no words with each other since a few days after she got there.

Basically I have no idea why we no longer share anything, I did observe in person how alike we are in so many ways, and while I have no idea why the silence, it is probably for the best.  She looked at my vette parked in front of my door and told me I needed to drive her and fix it up for sale.  I did just that since then, it is licensed, insured, cleaned up and running and I have been verbally offering her up for sale.  Next week I'll put her in the paper and on Ebay.  I feel better now.  The sale will pay for my surgery and other then that, I have no need to move from 0 to 130 in 13 seconds anymore.

In short, my becoming a full function female will be acknowledged before this year is out and all will be good.  I'll still have a boatload of problems to handle, but everyone does.  I'll just take care of mine, like my friend told me I had to.  I'll still hold in there for Transsexuals still trying, but as a woman, not a TS, for that part of my life is slid or sliding fast into nothing to think or worry about.

Being a Transsexual is simply part of who and what each single person feels about themselves, and all I ever wanted was to be seen and do was/is to be a woman, no perky twists and no special benifits, just my life as it really is.

Terri

[Sheila]

I was a transsexual woman, when I was transitioning my physical self from Male to Female. I have never transitioned my soul as my soul has always been female. I am now post op for over 2 years now and very happy and feel very natural with who I am. I have never felt natural with my first 50 years. I go to work and people, even people who know who I am, treat me like a lady, sometimes. LOL I'm a school bus driver and I can be very vocal sometimes. Especially if we go out for drinks later, to unwind. I'm included into the world of women and very happy for it. I even got asked to dance at our banquet this last week. By a guy whose wife knows well hell they all know. It was fun.
Sheila

[BFKate]

That's all, enough of my jibber jabbering.

Err... I lied. A touch more jibber jabbering.
One other reason I don't think I will stop using the term transsexual is the generations of young people struggling with this thing called transsexuality.  If I can help even one person to make sense of and cope with being ts then I don't mind wearing the label.  I remember some dark nights of the soul in my teenage years that were only mediated and made bearable by one Amazing transsexual Woman who took the time to talk to me like an adult.  Her example was the thing that helped me get through the worst of what my family and religious peers were battering me with every day. I know that without that I wouldn't have had the courage to stand up to them, not then anyway.  I don't think I am trying to reserve any special benefits for myself or 'perky twists' by doing that.

[DawnL]

Before SRS, I was quite certain I'd always be a transsexual.  I am now a woman and given that a transsexual is someone who strongly indentifies with or desires to be the opposite sex, I can assure you that I have no desire to identify with men or to become a man.  Ergo, I am no longer a transsexual, but instead a woman with a transsexual history.  Like many other people with secrets in their past, I do not announce my prior history to the world but prefer to live quietly as a woman.  I also support a few others in transition and feel that is enough without overtly advertising my past.

Dawn

[umop ap!sdn]

Ergo, I am no longer a transsexual, but instead a woman with a transsexual history.

I agree with this statement and viewpoint - it makes a lot of sense to me.

[BFKate]

Did I in some way sound like I was attacking people who choose to drop the moniker 'transsexual'?

I am now a woman and given that a transsexual is someone who strongly indentifies with or desires to be the opposite sex, I can assure you that I have no desire to identify with men or to become a man.

It's good to be told that i am F2M.  Was wondering where I was now.  Thanks for clearing that up for me,  Haven't quite been patronised like that for a while.  Sorry, Haven't quite felt patronised like that for a while.

I also support a few others in transition and feel that is enough without overtly advertising my past.

Don't think I said anywhere I 'overtly advertise' my past.  It's just not a secret. It's funny I'm getting the impression that saying I call myself a transsexual Woman is in some way offensive.   Maybe, lay off on the insults of people who do still choose to use the word. i.e. Me.

[Elizabeth]

Hello everyone,

I have tried very hard over the last two years to make sense of all of this transsexuality thing.  I have known since I was 9 that I was a girl. I knew that I was a "transsexual" and that it was described as a "woman trapped in a man's body". I knew it as soon as I heard it. Before that, I just knew something was wrong.

It seems in the TS world, at least it seems to me, that their seems to be this heirarchy. This beleif that one is more or less TS depending on several things.

1.  Age that one realized they were transsexual.

2.  Age at which one came out to the world about thier transsexuality.

3.  Age at which one started transformation.
     a. Seen a therapist
     b. Seen a gender therapist
     c. Started hormones
     d. Had SRS

4.  The degree to which one feels uncomfortable with ones body.

5.  Gender of preferred sexual partner. Straight, Gay or Bi-sexual

It seems to me that many beleive they are more or perhaps less a TS depending on these factors.  The traits of the "True Transsexual", which include realizing early that one was in the wrong body, age 3-7, having desire for the same biological sex, makiing one heterosexual after transition, one must hate their genitalia, and even whether one chooses to have SRS or not, seem to be stereotyped. 

It seems there is this underlying thing that we don't talk about.  That psuedo-transsexuals, those not fitting the stereotype "true transsexual" description are just that, fake.  No one really says it that much out loud, but we all know it's there.

It makes it tough for people like me.  There are only a limited number of transsexuals for a potential peer group, and there are a clear portion of those who are never going to accept that I am a transsexual.  And I clearly knew I was transsexual from age 9.  But to many, that is not young enough, it still could just be a sexual thrill.  I don't hate my genitals, in fact I have gotten a lot of pleasure from them, despite the fact that they are not the ones I would prefer.  And, like many, because of finanancial reasons, I may never have SRS, in fact I have never even seen a gender therapist.  I am only attracted to females, even though I consider myself to be female.  To many, I am a "classic psuedo-transsexual".

To me, none of that matters.  It does not matter what my family thinks. It does not matter what my friends think. It doesn't matter what society thinks. And it does not matter what anyone here or any other forum thinks. All that matters is what I think and I think I am a girl.  I don't care about the traits, or the ages, or what sexual desires I have.  I just know that since I found out what a transsexual was, I have beleived myself to be one and until I stop thinking that, that is precisely what I am.

I think this is true of all of us.  How do we really know that anyone is anything.  How do I know that all these people who claim to be "true transsexuals" are not just full of crap and lying about the whole thing?  There are plenty of documented cases of those having SRS and deciding it was a mistake, so it is not like there are not those who lie about what they have experienced and what they are feeling.  Only each of us knows what we are.  We tell the doctors, they do not tell us.

Just as one day when I was nine my perception of myself changed from being a boy to being a transsexual, I can see how having SRS could change my perception from that of being a transsexual to that of being a woman. Technically, I am already a woman, as far as I am concerned.  In that regard, the opinion of others is irrelevant and of little concern to me. Call me whatever you like.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[DawnL]

Did I in some way sound like I was attacking people who choose to drop the moniker 'transsexual'?
It's good to be told that i am F2M.  Was wondering where I was now.  Thanks for clearing that up for me,  Haven't quite been patronised like that for a while.  Sorry, Haven't quite felt patronised like that for a while.

No, and that was me talking about me.  Nothing else was implied or intended.

Dawn

[Melissa]

Hi Elizabeth, while I agree that there does seem to be some major competition, there are different degrees or severities of transsexualism.  However, I believe age has nothing to do with it, since some of us are better (or more stubborn) at denying it.  I think how far you need to go, before you can start living a normal life is what determines how severe it is.  No transsexual is better than the other no matter what the degree.  This isn't a competion.

I'm a case in point.  My degree is pretty severe, however, I used a number of tricks to deny that I was anything but normal.  Thinking back, I was aware something was wrong from an early age, but I was able to prevent myself from living in pure agony through denial.  After I came out of denial, I immediately started transitioning and have felt an intense need for a quick transition.  I plan on having SRS as well.  However, none of that makes me any better than anybody else.  I'm doing all of that for myself, not others.  I rarely talk about getting SRS, because it's not on my radar screen yet.  I also don't consider myself any better for transitioning in my 20s, just lucky that I was able to have the opportunity now, instead of at a much younger age.

This is not a competition, because we all have our own individual places that we need to get to in order to feel contentment.  Why spend thousands of dollars on a surgery if you don't need it?  To me, that's being thrifty.  If you do need it, then good luck.  We are only competing against our own GID and not others.  The winners are the ones who make it through transition (regardless of what that is).  We should all strive to be good humans, because that is something we have in common and something we can always work on, even after transition.

Melissa

[Nero]

there are different degrees or severities of transsexualism.

I agree, Melissa. But what constitutes as a less severe, mild case?

Nero

[Elizabeth]

Melissa,

I just wanted to say that I thought that was an outstanding post.  I think you have a very firm grasp of your situation and yourself.  I hope to see the not just the transsexual community, but the entire transgendered community pull together so we may really begin the political fight to end discrimination against us.  I think an attititude as you have adopted is precisely the way for us to come together.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Chynna]

I would never deprive myself the true beauty of the great title of "TRANSSEXUAL"

For that is what I am so at what point do I cease being a TS...at what point do I cease being what I was born to be??

To forget ones past is to commit a travestey on everything you have accomplished to get to where you are now......Be a Transsexual and be a Woman at the same time because no matter how you argue with me and I always dare anyone on this planet to try I am equally both and always will be!!!!

But thats JUST ME AND ME ONLY....

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Chynna

[Terri-Gene]

Hi Val, strange as it seems, I just caught your reply to me which you made last year, I never answered it.  Well, just to let you know how I feel about it:

Terri are you saying the majority of feminists you've encountered think of M2F women as less than women? Or even worse, do they somehow think of them as men ?!? (what a repulsive idea...)

I have no actual idea what the actual real numbers are, but those who oppose to accept Post-op women as equal women are not exactly all that rare, I can find a few anytime I want to go looking for them with no problem.

Terri

[Melissa]

I would never deprive myself the true beauty of the great title of "TRANSSEXUAL"

For that is what I am so at what point do I cease being a TS...at what point do I cease being what I was born to be??

To forget ones past is to commit a travestey on everything you have accomplished to get to where you are now......Be a Transsexual and be a Woman at the same time because no matter how you argue with me and I always dare anyone on this planet to try I am equally both and always will be!!!!

But thats JUST ME AND ME ONLY....

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Chynna

Chynna, why do you need the transsexual title to be a good human?  The past is the past and we pick up what we need to from that and move on.  I look to the present and the future, take what I've learned and do what I need to do to be a good person.  Insisting that you are transsexual is irrelevant and an individual choice.  I'm glad that you are "proud" to have been born as a male.  For me, that equates to somebody telling of a heroic one-time deed they did for the next thirty years, rather than moving on and trying to do another heroic deed.

Melissa

[stephanie_craxford]

To forget ones past is to commit a travestey

Hmmm.  We may be able to hide our past from others.  And we may be able to hide our past from us.  But our past is always with us in the present, just as our future will soon be our past.  Just think if we could forget about our future then it wouldn't become our past.

Pass me another beer Henry

Steph