(Unrelated: YAY, the writing area is not infinite anymore!)
I wanted to ask for your advice. I have never had actual friends I did things with, but in high school and even now, I have a few people I consider my friends. One of those is a girl I have known since I started high school when I was 12 (11?). She is really nice, and she does not hesitate to call me her friend. I even "confessed" to her, a few years ago, that I considered her my best friend.
I have always loved her a lot and have dreamed of being her sister a lot, and as she says she's bi, if I weren't uncomfortable / If I had been a girl to begin with, I would have probably been in couple with her at some point, since about a year ago, she said "it's weird, when we were ~14, I kind of fell for you".
Right now, I do not seek to be in couple with her, as I am not comfortable with being anyone's BOYfriend. Plus, she would probably seek sex, which is out of question for me. Plus, I am too shy to ask, but she is probably still in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend who is studying in another city.
Every time we meet (which is rare and mostly random), we are very friendly. Though that girl is always friendly with everyone; she has that bright personality that attracts people, so that alone cannot mean she actually appreciates being with me. I have deduced this from the fact that sometimes she actually tells me about the people she doesn't like but acts friendly with anyway.
But we do not see each other much. Last December, we met randomly and she said "Oh, we must really see each other soon; give me your number; I'll call you", but she never called. We met twice after that, and I told her I was still waiting for her call and she said she had forgotten, and promised to call really soon. But she never called.
It's always been like that with her. I can never see her because she is busy, and she organizes activities that do not include me. She says she is my friend but over the years and my many tries and tests, she does not seem to see me as important enough to actually remember me.
Now I really would like to have an actual friend, and my love (even though, as I have stated, I don't really seek a relationship) towards her is still there. So as all of my tries of getting closer to her were very subtle things that she could have not undestood, I would like to make a clear, big attempt that would require a real, honest answer from her.
As I am shy and would probably chicken out if I called her, I would like to send her an email and/or Facebook message, in which I would openly tell her my feelings as I have here, and do a complete coming-out regarding my gender status. She wouldn't be very surprised anyway, as a few years ago I "came out" as having a "female soul" (we were in a "magic and spirits" phase). All of this would be done in an attempt to remake the friendship bonds that have always been confusingly loose and unclear.
I would like you opinion on this. Also, would it be best to avoid talking about feelings of love altogether to avoid making her feel awkward? (Plus, even though I'm not sure about it, she's probably still with her boyfriend. I mean, they have been together since 2006.)
