A trend I have been seeing in the "Do I pass" thread

[Stephe]

This is being posted from a MTF perspective...

I think the importance of the whole passing or not thing is at least partially related to how introverted or extroverted the individual is.

I am a woman and expect to be treated as such. I'm also not ashamed of being TG. I pass as "Stephe" and feel I am a moderately attractive woman. I also feel I am "given the benefit of the doubt" in most cases and people assume I am female at casual inspection. I go by the rule "Use the rest room you are least likely to cause a riot using" and haven't caused one yet 😛

I'm also a huge extrovert and really don't mind if I attract attention. I rarely have people use the wrong pronouns etc and feel I mostly blend into my chosen gender. But I have noticed people remember me and say things like "Hi, I remember you. We chat in the post office about a year ago and...." I'm sure they don't remember other people that were in the post office that day a year later lol. Or maybe they remember me because I am so extroverted and will strike up a conversation with almost anyone? Probably a combination of things. In any case I like I am "memorable".

On the other hand some people are VERY introverted and do anything they can to not attract attention. Even if they weren't transgendered. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just a personality trait.  For someone like that, I can understand how passing can be critical to their happiness. I feel I am lucky I am not introverted AND transgendered! That is a tough combination to be.

[Annah]

Well, there are horny old folks and no study has ever said that every person is a victim to a loss of libido with age, but the numbers just do decline. However, there's a billion factors involving it, all the way down to health problems, religious beliefs, cultural divides, all that stuff. I truly did not mean that age 40 is where sex just does not become important, but it always seems to be the age where sexuality just tends to start declining for all the reasons above.

With the psychology of sexual attraction, adolescents plain out think about sexual thoughts in a physical manner. They think of faces, they think of bodies, they think of genitals, they think of very physical and specific things; I've rarely met an adolescent who didn't think in this manner. With older age, a combination of things comes into play more frequently. While parts of our sexual system "just get used to" the fact that our dating scene ages with us (and thus we have to settle for less attractive partners), this actually tends to transfer in a complex manner; as we get older, we tend to think of sexual acts in an emotional way. For instance, while an elderly couple may be sexuality active, it is indeed pretty rare that they are attracted to the features of their partner (wrinkles, grey hair, health problems, ect ect) and the sexuality may come more from a emotional place (sexual thoughts may consist more of things like "my partner's so brave and mature" or "my partners so submissive.") It's a form of sexuality that's often noticed in gay men who are trying to become straight (where a gay man may use emotional thoughts or in-the-mind fantasies or memories to get turned on, as opposed to being physically attracted to his spouse.)

Now, I'm not bagging on forms of sexuality one bit and people can be turned on however they wish, it's just that really, it is a common thing for an older adult to say "No one cares how you look sonny, just go be a heathrob and all the girls will run to you." when that only works in much older age groups. When a person is 11-30, that technique only works if the partner they are attracting has a weak emotional complex (for example, the ugly straight guys who know to flirt with the weak girls who have emotional obsessions with sex because of a lack of a good family life.) Again, frankly, adolescence and young adult years are the most common age groups that look at sex in a physical and quite detailed mentality; with later years, sexuality is something that grows more into the emotions of a person. It's not that way for older folks who do have the lucky opportunity to date much younger and much sexier folks (Hugh Heftner?), but to most older adults, thinking of sex in an emotional way is sometimes the main coping technique and source of erection or sexual feelings; it's a technique that is entirely subliminal and some folks develop this even as soon as their sexuality develops as a teen.

And it's really the reason that older adults often forget the importance of specific appearance traits; however, studies also do prove that many folks just do have a loss of libido with age and that they can forget about the importance of sex altogether. Some people never even have sexual drives to begin with. It's just sort of a random bag that can never be taken in exact terms, but can explain many oppositions to say, aesthetic surgery or "becoming ourselves".

Rhino

I have to agree with the majority here and this is out of complete respect. But I have no idea where you are getting these studies. Would you care to link us to these places that show the studies you are talking about?

The reason why I am saying this is because I've taken more sexuality classes in the undergraduate and graduate level than you probably have taken college electives. That wasn't meant to be an attack. I have just taken enough sexuality courses in my 10 years of education that those classes alone could probably give me enough credits for another degree.

What that said, I have to disagree with all of your statements. In my 10 years of sexual education and sexuality courses, I never heard of the studies you talked about. I only heard them from laymen people at a water cooler really but never in a professional article or paper.

Could you link your findings? Thanks! 🙂

[jamie nicole]

Rhino

I have to agree with the majority here and this is out of complete respect. But I have no idea where you are getting these studies. Would you care to link us to these places that show the studies you are talking about?

The reason why I am saying this is because I've taken more sexuality classes in the undergraduate and graduate level than you probably have taken college electives. That wasn't meant to be an attack. I have just taken enough sexuality courses in my 10 years of education that those classes alone could probably give me enough credits for another degree.

What that said, I have to disagree with all of your statements. In my 10 years of sexual education and sexuality courses, I never heard of the studies you talked about. I only heard them from laymen people at a water cooler really but never in a professional article or paper.

Could you link your findings? Thanks!

yeah, what Annah said.....lets see a works cited page! and it better be in the proper format!  🙂

[Tammy Hope]

on the subject of what happens in the "real world" i had a great experience today:

I got into a conversation with a local man who is openly gay and has been well know to be so his entire adult life (and he's ~50 now). He used to dress what, i believe, was called "twink" - not explicitly feminine but definitely leaning that way, and he'd go in drag when he went out to party. the last few years he's gone more and more explicitly female, but he's NOT trans in the sense of being dissatisfied with being male.

Anyway, while he has blind spots clearly he's better qualified than most to spot a tell.

in the course of a long conversation today, he told me that the first time he saw me out after i went full time he had no idea I wasn't a cis-woman. someone who knew me had to tell him he'd misread me.

That was BIG TIME affirmation for me!

[Annah]

on the subject of what happens in the "real world" i had a great experience today:

I got into a conversation with a local man who is openly gay and has been well know to be so his entire adult life (and he's ~50 now). He used to dress what, i believe, was called "twink" - not explicitly feminine but definitely leaning that way, and he'd go in drag when he went out to party. the last few years he's gone more and more explicitly female, but he's NOT trans in the sense of being dissatisfied with being male.

Anyway, while he has blind spots clearly he's better qualified than most to spot a tell.

in the course of a long conversation today, he told me that the first time he saw me out after i went full time he had no idea I wasn't a cis-woman. someone who knew me had to tell him he'd misread me.

That was BIG TIME affirmation for me!

That's so awesome, Tammy!!