Scared

[Lucy]

Hi all. I,ve been wanting to say hello for ages, reading from afar. It's took a lot of courage to come and write this. Being me right now is the worlds worst place on this earch, not only and I alone and very sad, but I feel like I have no one to turn to. Untill Now TY all. Im stuck with a body that feels like it orght to belong to some on else or do I feel guilty for having femm thorghts. Is it my mind or my body thats at fault here.

Any way I've know since I was 15, known for sure that is. It took me a long time to realise why I different to the other boys. You could say I was more compashinate and caring.

Im now 29 and 2 years into marrage, I care deeply for her and thats why it's so much harder to tell her Im transgendered. This is one little secrate Im going to die with. Its not so bad living in a mans body, Im stronger and dont broose so eaisliy, but I long to be the woman I know that I am.

My wife knows there is something wrong with me, she oftern make comment to how infemminate I am. She also knows I am Bi.

So this is my lonley existance. Nice to meet you all.

[cindianna_jones]

I'm sorry you feel trapped.  It truly is a lonely life you plan to lead. I can't imagine.

You will of course learn of the various things that you can do, if you don't know of them already.  If you can live with it and be strong, then that is definitely the thing to do.  Therapy can be a big help.  And it can also be a big help to share your feelings with your wife.  If she loves you, she will work with you. 

I hope you feel comfortable here.  I hope that your participation can help resolve some of the feelings that you have.

Chin up!

Cindi

[Buffy]

Hi Lucy,

Welcome to Susans, enjoy your stay.

Facing the unknown and staring into a future you can't predict is scary, but many people have done or are doing that now. You should never feel lonely why you are part of this community. There are great people from across the Gender spectrum, great resources (the forums, wiki and chat rooms) and many people who will share their experiences with you.

I know how you feel exactly, I was married, had two children and had to make that choice of disclosure and what that would bring. Well, It is never easy, but if it is truly your destiny then it has to be faced some time or another.

This is a great place to start your journey andas I said, you are NOT alone.

Buffy

[Steph]

Hello Lucy, let me add my welcome to the others.

I hope that you find Susan's to be what you are looking for and that we are able to provide the help and support you are looking for.  Take your time to explore the site as there is much to see and do.  I'm confident that you will find the members here to be friendly and helpful and I hope that you enjoy your stay wit us.

Steph

[togetherwecan]

Hi Lucy. First let me give you this *BIG HUG* for stepping up to the plate here at Susan's. You did good.

I am a significant other or SO of a TGirl...I don't know how familiar you are with all the acronyms. I am learning myslef. :p The *man* I met and fell in love with is trannsexual. *He* is a she. I deal with it because I do. I love her with every ounce of my being. All SO's are not like me, I realize that.

YOU are who YOU are and she nor us can tell you who that is. The best we can do is open our arms and our hearts to your story and to you as you find your way through and do what we can to ease things along the way.

Welcome to Susan's. This place is heaven. It can be heaven to you and to your wife, should you ever direct her here-there is a forum specifically for her (a chat room as well).

If you are happy burying it all inside and never plan to come out to anyone let alone your wife then so be it, but by you coming here I think or feel you are reaching out for guidance. As an SO, I have to say the sooner you shed light on this with her the better. The longer you wait the harder for both it will be. There are issues an SO goes thru that a TG person will not fully understand, and likewise.

I hope you find the solice you are looking for. *hugs*


lil

[Melissa-kitty]

Welcome, friend! As the others said, you are not alone. Others here know what you are going through, and have gone before you. You feel trapped and freakish, but neither are true. It will take some hard thinking and some help to find the right path. May you have fortune on your side!
Hugs!

[tinkerbell]

Hi Lucy and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  I'm sure you will find many of the answers you're looking for in these forums, so please take a second to explore the site, review the site rules and visit the wiki and reference library where there's plenty of information on trans-related issues.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay!


tinkerbell

[Suzy]

Hi, Lucy!

I'm so glad you checked in.  It is amazing to me how many people here write about the loneliness.  I did, too.  In fact a lot of your words are so much like my own.  You are among people who understand.  Enjoy your stay here.  I look forward to hearing more from you.

Kristi

[TheBattler]

Hi Lucy,

Wellcome to susans. I am sure you will enjoy your stay as it is filled with interesting people and infomation.

Alice

[Lucy]

Thank you all for all your very kind words, and BIG HUGS back to you all. As you guessed I am looking for guidence, I just dont know what to do. I am at present as told to by my new friends, looking for a theropist. I am struggling to find any near by at all. But at lease im not going to do this alone. I have all of you to take me throu my journy.

    THANK YOU

   XXX LUCY XXX

[BeverlyAnn]

Hi Lucy,

First of all, welcome to Susan's and you will find a lot of help and support here.  I understand the scared part as I read posts on here for quite some time before I ever had the nerve to post something.  That was around 1997-8 and I've never regretted it.  Granted I did drop off the board for a few years but that was due more to personal issues than the site but I'm back now and it's better than ever.  Also, never be afraid to ask questions!!!!  There aren't any questions that someone here won't answer.

Again welcome,
Bev

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Lucy,
Welcome to Susan's.
It's good to meet you.
And do find a therapist some flesh and blood person that you can talk too.
We all need that.
I would say at this point not to tell your wife till after you have been in therapy and know what you want to do. Than with the therapist help you will be able to share with her.
My wife was not very accepting when I told her and it has been a very rough year. She has almost left a couple of times.  So do be careful about what you say to your wife.
Again welcome.

Jillieann