I've found it!

[silvershadow17]

Hi everyone,
I wan't to thank all of you that have given me advice and support through these really hard moments between Brandon/Erin and myself.  Every one of you're comments have touched me in some way.  I know now that I do truly love Brandon/Erin for who she is on the inside.  I know that I can fully accept her as the girl she is.  I want to take that walk into the future with her, whether she goes through with the transition or not.  I love her that much.  It took me a lot of soul searching and thinking to figure out where I was at.  I know, initially I said I couldn't deal with it.  I didn't think I could, but I love this person.  I want this person in my life.  That's what it's really all about.

The problem is...the letter I wrote telling her all the things that I thought I couldn't accept drove her away.  She felt I didn't love her for who he/she is, and only loved an image.  I needed time.  I needed support.  I needed to find that place.  I found it, but I don't know how or if I can get her back in my life.  I hurt her deeply.  Maybe we hurt each other.  She, with her secret that she kept from me for over a year about her wanting to be a woman, and me with my doubts of being able to handle the person I love becoming a woman.  I've sent her messages with no response.  She said she needs time, but what I really want from her is to sit down with me face to face and listen to what I have to say.  I don't want to leave things like this.  I don't want us to lose out on the chance to express our true feelings to each other.  I don't want to text her.  I want to look into her eyes and let her know that I love her and I accept her fully as she is. 

I feel like it's too late.  Like I ruined everything because I needed that time to find myself.  How do I reach out to her to ask for the time to talk, face to face so she knows that I'm real, that I'm serious, and that I love her unconditionally when she won't respond to my e-mails?  What should I do?

[Sarah Louise]

You give Erin time.  You refer to her only as Erin, no "Brandon's", no "He's", this is how you show that you have accepted them and want to move forward.

But it will take time for Erin to get over your letter, just as it took you time to start to accept Erin.

[Taka]

how about you try to write a new letter to erin, where you try to express what you just told us. maybe even a handwritten one. then give her time to think about how she feels about it all. broken hearts are difficult to heal, and erin's might be a lot more fragile than yours. you've done the best that you can, even found acceptance within yourself, and i commend you for that. now all you can do is let time do it's work, and hope the outcome will be a good one

[ToriJo]

I've screwed up plenty in my relationship.

A sincere apology and holding onto some hope is about all you can give in such a situation.  As someone who has messed up plenty myself, I will send feelings of hope your way.  It's a hard place to be when you truly are sorry, but truly did cause some hurt - and thus the other is justified in their feelings.  It's a lot easier to be right than wrong.

I'd agree with everyone else - find a way to express yourself to her.

[lifemorewistful]

In the beginning, when feelings were still raw on both sides, my spouse and I said a lot of things to each other that cut right down to the quick. Feelings were hurt, and the only thing that helped was time. Time brings understanding and empathy, something you just can't grab onto when the hurt is fresh.

Give it time sweetie. Continue to email, call, or write, and let Erin know you are sorry and waiting for her. -hugs-