mom is in denial

[jillian]

I came out last night and my mom is taking it very personal.

At first she attacked me as a sinner, but said she will always love me.
Then she said she just wanted me to think this through completely. Understandable, but my reply was Ive been thinking about this for about 25 years everyday.

We left and had a wonderful morning that was stress free and relaxing. On our drive home from the mountain she called. I answered and she proceeded to tell me how mental issues run in our family, and that I need serious help. I am seeing a therapist once a week. Then she kept saying why now, and balling and refused to even research transgendered.

I am sick to my stomach with despair, and while I love my mom, I think she will cause me to spiral into a depression. 
I am at a loss of how to proceed. My instinct is to stop talking to her, my heart wants to cry with her and tell her everything is going to be okay, but I know she is very neurotic and has always cared about how "things" appear.

As far as being crazy, all humans are. My mind is pretty clear. Ive been abstaining from the use of cannabis and alcohol just so I can navigate this without any kind of crutch.  I know I am mentally competent to make my own decisions, seeings  we are very independent. 

It just sucks

[azSam]

Giving her some space may not be a bad idea. Let her really think about it. Talk to her when/if she calls, but I'd give her time to process, contact her in a while. Maybe a week or so when it all has time to settle.

[Annah]

Ah, the first stages of grief! You will soon experience the other stages but the good news is, she may reach that final stage of acceptance!

But yeah you got to give her more time to process this. My mother is a doctor and a very avid supporter of LGBT people but she did have a hard time when I came out to her. She didn't get all preachy but she was quiet about it for a few weeks.

About the whole sinner stuff....i feel you girl. This is what happens when people misinterpret biblical text.

[jillian]

im giving her time. I feel guilty though. I know I probably shouldnt but I do.

[VannaSiamese]

Even though I don't believe in hell... if there was one then I doubt it could be much worse than my life before I transitioned.  The whole sinner thing can be hard to deal with... it seem a lot of us have this problem.
I would recommend going to talk to your therapist to express any feelings you may be having (guild, shame, embarrassment, anxiety and so forth).  It's good to acknowledge them and let them out.
Your mom will most likely come around in the long run, I suspect she is reflecting her own feelings and emotions (thinking things like "i've failed as a mother" "this wouldn't have happened if I took her to church more" and so forth)... so naturally her response would be to try to talk you out of it and make you believe otherwise.  It's not actually you that's having the problem, it's her.  It took me a long time to realize that about certain people in my life... I had many nightmares and cried many nights, but one day it suddenly made sense to me and I felt I could move on.  This will take time, but it will be ok =)

[V M]

My mom flip flops on accepting me and always has even before I decided to transition so I'm over it... One day she'll call up and want to girl talk with me, the next day she's in denial again and and all the damned queers are responsible for the downfall of the world    So if she calls to be pleasant I'll talk to her, if she doesn't want to be nice, I have other things to do

In one sense she and other family members kind of inspires me... To go back to school and get a psych degree and become a therapist    Seriously, I have to play family shrink to most of them

[jamie nicole]

with time she'll come around.  gotta remember she has alot of memories of who you used to be but as she sees you for who you truly are, she'll understand and come around <3

[justmeinoz]

Family have the hardest time getting over the changes in a loved one, which is understandable I guess. 

My brothers and their families have been great. 
Mum is a bit bewildered by it all, but didn't freak out. 
My daughter has always been one for intermittent contact, due to being away at uni.  She sounds ok though.

My son, who is FtM himself, is having real problems getting his head around the concept. I guess I pulled the rug out from under his feet when he was expecting to bond father-to-son, after finally coming to terms with his own situation. I still help him fix his car if he asks and stuff like that, so he is gradually seeing that nothing has changed in our relationship.

All you can do is give them time, and space, and answer any concerns they have.

Karen. 

[Whitney]

As other people have said, give her space. You just knocked her wind out. There's not much you can do to help her until she's had time to regain her composure.

[Cindy]

I think Muffin said in another thread, that you have known for your life. Your Mum has to deal with a conversation of a few minutes.
We then expect people to see our point of view.

It's damn hard when you look at it that way.

I was the loved and desired son. I would carry on the blood line. I was the 'special' child. Except I came out at 13  as being TG.

Horror and no acceptance.

Just horror and no understanding.

Just horror of how could our son hurt us like this.

Cindy, in the mean time, rolls into a little ball and cries for the rest of her life.

Unloved, unwanted, never to be understood.

But we are stronger than that.

We will survive.

Take control and move forward.

Even if you have tears dripping down your face as you do it.

Hugs

Cindy

[AbraCadabra]

Honey,
there is a simple realization that I had which in early transition and being so busy with myself, never occurred to me.
Those people that may be or feel ok to come along with you ALSO need to transition (to your "new" satus). HELLO!

Now as Muffin and Cindy mentioned as have others, IT TAKES TIME, it took time for you. Right? Give them a chance. Of course you now want to transition, but heck --- you are some bloody imposition to them! Let's face it. It's really hard on most.

Try if you can to look outside your own issue (if at all you can at this stage) and it will become clear. It will feel so much to you like being rejected but they (your mom in this case) will need to transition also.
That's a TALL order for most folks - but eventually it WILL come right in most cases. Is my experience.
Just chill when going through your early stages of your second (girl) puberty as is can give you more problems then needed. Try be a good girl, a bit conservative it helps "them" to come around more easily.

I made the mistake to go hot pants, heels and crop tops --- and to boot at my age. Yes, feeling like a teenager (for a while) it's what you WANT to do. But try real hard to give those loved ones a break to make THEIR transition as easy as possible.
Hug,
Axelle

[Tyler]

My mother cried everytime she saw me for about a month, then it was the "You need to get serious help, sweetie." Over the last year however, through extensive talkings and cryings we have made it to where we are now. I live 24/7 as a girl, and she thinks it's weird to consider me a boy
It's gets better sweetie!

[Amazon D]

Its always somebody in the family. For me its now my 20 yr old son. I haven't seen him since he was 7 due to his mom and now he doesn't want to see me and his mom thinks he should. I wish you well so be strong and do whats right and time will heal someone.