Transition behind families back

[Brittany:)]

Heey everyone I'm pretty new here looking for some advice.

Just wondering if anybody has started transition behind their familys back.....  So ive got in touch with a Gender Clinic quite close to me and I would really like to go see sombody there before I come out to my family. Is this selfish of me? I think doing this would work out better for both of us. (My Family and I) The reason I want to do this is just so I can get some advice for experts and just get allow me to be me, which I have never been able to do.

If you did this, and started transition before you came out to your family, please let me know how this went for you and what you would have done differeantly if you had your time over.

Also were you still living with your parents ect? Like I still am, what issues did you run into because of this ect? Moving out really is not a option and I would not want that anyway.

Thanks everyone!  

[becca1]

I started my transistion before I told anyone about it, as I'm sure a lot of girls here have done. And it certaintly isn't selfish to get your life in order before having to explain what Transgender is to your family.

I still live with my parents, and I came out to them just before I went full time about two and a half months ago. While they do find it difficult to deal with and have greived over the loss of their son, things are pretty much back to normal now (better in my opinion). Infact it was my birthday yesterday, and I got a card from my parents addressed to "Bee" (which was a turning point as they have never used any form of my new name as of yet). They're getting there. Considering they are past retirement age, I'm impressed how well they took it.

The only thing I regret now, is not talking to them personally when I came out. I gave them a letter, because I found it very hard and didn't know what to expect. I could have stayed with them while they read my letter and then see if they had any questions, or even read it out loud to them. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

But, only you know your family and from that you need to judge (or guess) how well they will take such news. As I said above, give yourself the knowledge first, and then you'll have more confidence when the time does come to tell those closest to you.

[cynthialee]

I think a large percentage of us likely start transition without involving family.
I did. However I came out to my entire family shortly after starting HRT, as I had no idea how fast or efficiantly HRT would work for me.

If you plan on staying in your families lives then there will come a point where you have to tell them.

[JessicaH]

Stealth transition is what I call it. I'm 41, married 19 years, 3 daughters age 6,11 and 20, a very well paying job in a very high testosterone environment (my boss would only ask me what caliber it was if he saw a gun strapped under my desk or in my company truck...lol).

I started HRT November 30th, 2010 and my family or coworkers don't know. I wouldn't say they "dont have a clue" because they know something is different but cant quite put their finger on it. Turning into a "chick" is the very last thing ANYONE will think unless you have given them other reasons to think different.

I have been letting my hair grow and some people like it and others think it's the devil. For christs sake, it's just f'ing hair! lol. The biggest problem is that I have had to change the kind of shirts I wear and started wearing a tight undershirt under the double pocket fishing shirts (Magellan ($16) or Columbia ($40) fishing shirts hide a LOT!). My wife has noticed but I have always had a little gyno. I try to hide them but I know she has noticed (she'd need glasses if she didn't) but she hasnt done anything short of make a joke and poke me lightly in the nipple (f'ing ouch!).

I started seeing a gender therapist who referred me to a local doc who prescribed HRT since neither of them liked the self medicating. I can't go on too much longer and she does have  a right to know. But now I can at least tell her that I have tried seeking professional help and even tested the HRT which only confirmed what I knew. I figured there isn't much point in telling her stuff and making her worry before I knew what was what.

I guess it's like getting tests done and confirm the worst before telling everyone. That way most options are exhausted and everyone isn't trying to figure out if you can be "cured". So now, I just have to figure out how to tell my wife that her husband only has about 9-12 months to live...

[A]

Many specialists will require you to come out at some point to "test" your "seriousness". But starting to see someone without coming out is just normal.

[Robert Scott]

I personally didn't start anything until I told my wife.  That being said -- I am a an ftm -- so dressing masculine isn't really that big of deal and something I have always done.

I have told my parents -- they had a horrible reaction -- and now three months later I have set my appointments to have surgery and start hrt.  I may or maynot tell my parents.  I am 40 and live several states away from them so it's not that big of a deal if I do or don't tell them.

My son started his transition without telling any family members -- he started going by a male name and presenting as male but he didn't start hrt until he told us and we had some family counseling sessions.

[Cen]

I am starting without informing my family, for now.  It won't hurt them to find out later, but it might hurt me for them to find out now.

Initially I thought I wouldn't tell them for as long as possible, but recently I've been feeling more like coming out to people that are important to me.  Still, I plan on playing it safe until I'm done with school. 

[yabby]

i started HRT without telling my mother, and when it became impossible to hide the effects of HRT i left home and since a few months i live in a cheap hostel.

Once i started to look less masculine, my mother more than once called me dirty ->-bleeped-<-ot, disgusting etc....  so i knew it was better for me to not come out and just leave.

Transition is pretty stressful and i did not need an extra stress.

[Annah]

I told my family about 6 months into HRT. I had already started fulltime as Annah in Seminary and I felt it was just right to let my family know as well.

[Amazon D]

I had an orchy and 8months HRT and 2 FFS and BA then i met them and they rejected me except my mom. So it depends on your siblings and or parents. My dad was ok but he was very old. Mom said it was her fault for taking anti misscarriage medicine before i was born.. she was a biochemist so i believe her and she told my two of my siblings were twin hermaphrodites but supposidly died at birth 2 yrs before i was born.

[Brittany:)]

Thanks everyone for your replys, I was kind of feeling bad about starting tranistion without telling my parents. But I think it will be the best option.

[Vicky]

Mom said it was her fault for taking anti misscarriage medicine before i was born.. she was a biochemist so i believe her and she told my two of my siblings were twin hermaphrodites but supposidly died at birth 2 yrs before i was born.

It sounds like you are a DES baby too.!!  This is possibly another topic here, but it is part of my history too.  Your mom was a biochemist, and mine was an RN who specialized in obstetric and pediatric nursing.  OH MY!!

My family had known about my being CD for several years, but they had also known about an alcohol abuse problemI was having.  It was during my counseling for alcohol abuse that I came out to a therapist who then did some more studying in the field of GID as well as Chemical Addiction and helped me to get on HRT.  My local family was so happy that I got a handle on the alcohol that they took the GID pretty calmly and in a way to support me for both problems.  A couplle of family members who I haven't talked to in two years may or may not know, but if they don't I am not worried.