how to deal with an overbearing mother?

[CarlieElizabeth]

My problem today is simple and not so simple. I am trying to figuer ot how to tell my mom it is not her fault that i am trans but the more I try the madder she gets last week she told my wife to shut up or she would shot both of us. While I know it was just big talk but it still  hurts I have been crying all week and I know my wife is getting tired of me being all emotional. If anyone has info or advice please help me.

[spacial]

She's making an issue about herself. In other words, she want the attention, and resents someone else getting it.

This is neurotic behaviour. I wouldn't treat the gun threat so lightly, especially if she owns a gun.

But best to stay away for mer, frankly.

[CarlieElizabeth]

I can't im still about one year out from liveing full time and I work with my dad. And yes she has 2 guns one pistol and a shotgun. Everyday I have to see her plus I love her very much and feel bad if i don't see her atleast once a week. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Amazon D]

Just tell her you love her. No sense getting into something she can't or doesn't want to handle. if you think she is seriously gonna hurt you get out asap.. or call the cops at least to have her reported..

[Eva Marie]

I have been in a similar situation, and i see some worrying things here. Parents have the ability to make a child's life miserable if we let them.

The main thing is to protect yourself and the relationship with your wife - i'd suggest that only you deal with your mom from now on. Your wife is probably seen as an outsider by your mom and she can poison your relationship with your wife if she so chooses (i've been there and done that before). Whether your wife continues to have a relationship with your mom is her choice - let her manage that.

Second - realize that you cannot change your mom or change her thinking or make her accept your situation - you can only control yourself. Since she has already made threats - that's a very unhealthy situation - period. No one should put up with threats from family members. You might consider pulling back from her for awhile to give yourself time to reassess the situation, and time to reassess your relationship with her.

And finally - you do not have to apologize or justify yourself to anyone. It is possible to move on in life and forgive her for any past transgressions while not allowing future ones to happen - please see to your own well being first and foremost.

[spacial]

Have to agree with M2 and riven.

But for her sake as well as yours, try to get away when you can. But try not to antogonise her too much in the mean time.

As for being emotional, perhaps your wife needs to share a bit more of her emotions but feels crowded out by yours. Just a thought.

[SkylerKts]

You have no reason to tell her its her fault, your fault, or God's fault, its like apologizing for being born, it is just preposterous. The underlining issue is that you're mother does not accept that you want to transition, just like most parents, just like most PEOPLE do not. So, you not only need to figure out that when you decide to change your gender and people are not waiting for you with open arms, that it is something that is going to happen now that you are changing. I know it is hard. I love my youngest brother so much and he has just secluded himself from me and we use to be so close. It hurts but guess what? I am the same person I still joke around and love him and tell him about the crazy days that I have. He is the one who changed towards ME. So even though I feel bad that I have to lose that relationship, I am not breaking any laws, I am not a low life thug acting deviously, I am not living a sinful life; they need to grow up and mature or they are the ones who are missing out. Not you hun. 

[CarlieElizabeth]

thank you everyone good advice all around. And I am trying to adjust my thinking to fit with going for my own happeines for once in my life. I need to focus on me ty everyone I feel better. I truly love everyone here you are my new family. Soon mayby my only family