Stressed, worried and in doubt.

[MRH]

I thought that coming out things would start to feel better but a part of me feels worse. I feel better in the sense that things are finally moving forward but I'm starting to have some doubts. I know full well that I feel male and would like to live that way but is it normal to start doubting things at times like these? I think its maybe because I like to take the easy way out and now that im coming out its a lot of stress and its quite scary so a part of me is very overwhelmed and is wondering if I should just stay as I am to avoid all the stress. Does anyone sometimes doubt their choice or feel like its just easier to keep living a lie and suffer in silence tnan deal with the stress of changing?

[Adabelle]

Does anyone sometimes doubt their choice or feel like its just easier to keep living a lie and suffer in silence tnan deal with the stress of changing?

I do. Transition scares me a lot, even though I know it's best for me, and I've wanted it my whole life. I still sort of wish in the back of my mind I could just be reborn a baby girl and be done with it. Instead I have this long slow-motion rebirth that gives me lots of time to doubt and borrow on tomorrow's worry.

If I take out all the externals my choice seems easier - I'd have done this long ago. But when I realize that I might lose my marriage over it for example, it makes me wonder if transition is worth potentially losing the girl I love.

Transition is both beautiful and messy, and I'm sort of in the thick of it.

[spacial]

I think so.

I get very frustrated at the attitude that there are only two sides to the coin. I see no reason why, for example a gfemale, for example, can't live legitimatically as male but still have children, for example. If that is what he wants.

I and I know some others, would really like the opportunity to start the medical support necessary, hormones and the like, then let all other changes take their natural course. Surgery, can come later if necessary. For my part, I would also welcome what is often referred to as bottom surgery along with HRT. But my life is and must remain my own. I didn't go through the hell of adolescence to give my hard won liberty over to somepne with a questionable degree and an attitude.

MRH. I've read a number of your posts and suggest you make it clear that this is your decision, your life and body and you will decide what and when you do anything.

[Kelly J. P.]

I think its maybe because I like to take the easy way out and now that im coming out its a lot of stress and its quite scary so a part of me is very overwhelmed and is wondering if I should just stay as I am to avoid all the stress. Does anyone sometimes doubt their choice or feel like its just easier to keep living a lie and suffer in silence tnan deal with the stress of changing?

I feel like this every so often, too. But for me, well, it helps if I think about everything in a different way. Like, if I weren't going to transition, what would I want to do anyway? I would want to stay on hormones anyway, permanently remove my facial hair anyway, change my name anyway, have long hair anyway, exclusively wear girls clothes anyway, etc... Eventually I get to saying I would want FFS and SRS anyway, even if I didn't want to transition.

So, by doing that, I stop viewing transition as one whole thing, and just see that there is a process of smaller things that I would like to do over time, even if I wasn't transitioning. It's when I let the whole, or the process, attack me all at once that it becomes a little overwhelming.

Coming out, especially, is very stressful. The worst is when you feel you have to come out to people who aren't likely to react well (and depending on who you are, this may seem like a lot of people). Because of that, I only come out to the people who will react well, but because of that, most of my family, including my father, is in the dark. So, if there's ever a family reunion, things may get slightly weird, but I try to avoid thinking about situations where I am forced to come out to people I don't want to to.

... And if you can't escape worrying, then maybe you can find something to laugh about. Dark humour was always super-helpful for me in stressful times, and when I think about seeing my extended family, I can't help but giggle at just how terrible it may be.

But there's no way I will stand still and suffer in silence. I have things to do, whether I officially transition or not, and one day, I will not be able to avoid doing those things, because the accumulated pain of waiting and sacrificing myself will become unbearable, just like it did before my coming out to my mom, or before starting to physically transition.

If I don't transition now, I will be forced to later. I will have to face to pain and fear either way, but there's great joy on the other side - and I would rather have more of my years spent in joy than less of them. So, if I can't avoid the stress and fear, I still have a firm resolution to move forward despite those things.

As a note on fear, though... fear can also be delt with by learning to enjoy the exhileration of it, rather than letting it paralyze you. Additionally, trying to view it objectively, and asking why it's there, allows you to potentially erase the fear, if you decide that being afraid is stepping over its boundary of being a cautionary cushion into the realm of being controlling - to do that, you just have to do, because fear only stops you if you let it.


(Jordan's hoping something she's said can be encouraging or helpful...)

I wish you the best, MRH.

[JulieC.]

Change in general is uncomfortable and scarey.  I can't imagine anyone not questioning themselves and having a few doubts along the way even if they are totally certain they are doing the right thing.  In the end just be true to yourself, make careful and informed decisions and don't allow fear to get in your way. 

[nadia]

Hi Im New here.  I've struggled my whole life and Im now Im 25 i have an opportunity to come out but Im scared and  Im afraid my family Will disown me. I falt my whole life as Im trapred in the wrong body I've never been able to talk with anyone about it.  anybody have a suggestion?

[Joelene9]

Does anyone sometimes doubt their choice or feel like its just easier to keep living a lie and suffer in silence tnan deal with the stress of changing?

MRH,
  I had good part of my 58 years of these doubts.  It finally took 4 of the past years to have the B***S to take this stuff and start transitioning.  Please, don't follow my example.  It is better to to confront your condition whilst young.  I did not and when I went to my first therapist, my condition was "rare" and the therapist had no experience in treating GID.  I never dated even though I liked women because of this.  No wife, no kids.  Alone is not what God meant.
  Joelene

[Jayne]

Hi Im New here.  I've struggled my whole life and Im now Im 25 i have an opportunity to come out but Im scared and  Im afraid my family Will disown me. I falt my whole life as Im trapred in the wrong body I've never been able to talk with anyone about it.  anybody have a suggestion?

If you have an open minded friend to confide in it will help alot, if not then try to find a pshyciatrist who's dealt with this problem before (not always easy to find though).
You shouldn't have to live a life of unhappiness just to please those around you as they will go on living their lives whilst yours seems to be on hold.

[nadia]

Thanks . Thats just the problem though other than a pshyciatrist any friend i have has issues with this subject and pshyciatrist cost money lol.

[Adabelle]

Thanks . Thats just the problem though other than a pshyciatrist any friend i have has issues with this subject and pshyciatrist cost money lol.

Nadia, a lot of times there are trans support groups around. Find one and go to it. If you are too worried to go to one in your town, then find one in another town and find an excuse to make a trip there and go to one of their meetings.

[Chrissy]

I do. Transition scares me a lot, even though I know it's best for me, and I've wanted it my whole life. I still sort of wish in the back of my mind I could just be reborn a baby girl and be done with it. Instead I have this long slow-motion rebirth that gives me lots of time to doubt and borrow on tomorrow's worry.

If I take out all the externals my choice seems easier - I'd have done this long ago. But when I realize that I might lose my marriage over it for example, it makes me wonder if transition is worth potentially losing the girl I love.

Transition is both beautiful and messy, and I'm sort of in the thick of it.

My goodness my thoughts exactly although I'm not as yet in the thick of it yet!

[gail123]

What constitutes ones true self is a complex question with no easy answer or single explanation.

For TGs it is even more complicated as an insatiable itch is often confused as a key to the final answer, rather than a just another piece of the puzzle.

It seems no matter what lengths one goes to find the "true self" it, whatever it is, remains an amused onlooker willing and able to cast doubt on our answers to the riddle.

The best one can hope for is an awareness that a certain amount of confusion exists for all. and TGs just have a larger portion of doubt to digest. 

[Cen]

Does anyone sometimes doubt their choice or feel like its just easier to keep living a lie and suffer in silence tnan deal with the stress of changing?

I've felt that way for most of my life, and I'm not really sure it is any easier.  It kind of seems like it from a short-term perspective, but imagine what it would be like to get past all the hurdles and be able to spend the rest of your life feeling more content within your body instead of suffering.

[jillian]

I was told, that even though you may see issues arise from transitioning, if you remain locked inside yourself, even more issues are bound to arise.

I am scared, but I know in my heart I am a good person, and I think that if people love me, that should be all that matters. If people dont love me, then they dont matter right?

[nadia]

Right.  If they dont love you and dont want to understand and support you than thats there problem.  In my case like most others its tough (Im planning on coming out to family). It will show that what they say about how they love you and support you will be put into action or will be the opposite. It took alot in my head on how to do this as i felt like I've been living a lie for so long. I've decided to stop lying to myself and this also means to others. This is for you to feel happy with yourself and you should and you have to be able to love yourself before you can love anyone else. If they dont want to be supportive than its there loss.  Over time I've learned that you cant just sit and and feel like you live a lie (if this is how you really feel) do you what you need to do for you and over time the decisions made will feel more like a right move.
My heart goes out for everyone who feels stuck and in the wrong body it sucks and making yourself happy should be  what you need to do. Some think that doing things for you to make yourself happy is selfish but its not especially if your really unhappy and feel like you need to do something about it.  lol I wish you all luck on future plans on coming out. It will feel like a massive weight off your shoulders.