Just told my mum.

[Nurse With Wound]

So yesterday I manage to tell my mum about my GID. She didn't take it terribly since I'm still at home but it wasn't the bubbles and sparkles reaction I was hoping for.

Generally she kept switching from things like "I love you no matter what" and "I'm alright with having three daughters" to things trying to deter me like implying I won't look like a girl and since she works at a hospital telling me about people having to get their prostates fixed. And the general social outcast.

I told her that it'd be 12 months for me to see a therapist on the NHS at least in this area which see said is good since it'll give me time to think about it which I responded that I'd been thinking about it for many 12 months. I'd said about wanting to go private which she said she doesn't have the money which I said I could use student grants/loans on when I go to uni (or my bond account).

Now since telling her my mood has been switching from being buzzed about what could happen and being very scared, anxious about what could happen. I've been unable to leave my room if I know she's somewhere since I can't look her in the eyes.

Anyone got any advice on how I can help myself calm down and my mum deal with it?

[justmeinoz]

All I can say is give her time.

If you can reassure her that any changes will be gradual, and that you would value her help in transition, that could help her too. Have you spoken to your sisters yet?  They could help a lot, if they are supportive. One important thing I would suggest is to reassure her that it is not her fault in any way. It just happens.

She has just had the rug pulled out from under her in a big way, and will take a while to come to terms with it.  Don't feel guilty though, it would have come out sooner or later, and possibly in far less pleasant circumstances.

There will be the usual grieving process, denial, sadness, anger, guilt etc. Just be there for her too, and she should come round in time.  Seeing she works at a hospital, maybe she can get some counselling through that, to help understand your situation and her reaction.

As a parent who has a FtM son,( who transitioned several years before I started this process,) I can see what she is experiencing.  Please tell her that if she wants to PM me through here I am more than happy to talk about her concerns.

Karen.

[Nurse With Wound]

Haven't told my sisters since one of them would probably just think I'm a freak (though we don't really talk anyway), the other would probably be accepting but might post on facebooks about it, which I told my mum not to tell anyone.

That's one thing that's hard for me is not feeling guilty since I don't want to make her upset, disappointed, feel like she did something wrong, etc. And one thing she said which I have read a lot of parents say is that it's like their "son" dying.

I was hoping she'd look into transgender issues since she did say she doesn't understand it and didn't even think of it as a real thing.

If I can talk to her without turning into an anxious wreck forgetting everything I want to say I'll ask her to come here I guess.

[justmeinoz]

It's a shock alright.  I had just come to terms with my daughter coming out as a lesbian, and I got hit again.

One thing that is worth looking at is the book "True Selves", if you can find a copy.  It is not expensive and is very readable.It has stories by parents of transitioners, as well as background medical info, and stories by people transitioning.

Seeing as I am able to see both sides I can hopefully give her a parents viewpoint as well.
Karen.