I've changed my "mind"? o.O

[Rabbit]

So, I was looking around online today trying to find a picture to go along with a joke in chat... and ran across a site with a lot of soft core porn (like embraces and things like that). I found myself having a rather new point of view / feelings when looking at them (which caught me off guard).

Now, first off, when I started hormones (4 months ago) I considered myself pretty bi (and could relate in both male and female aspects, if I saw something like an embrace, I could empathize with both parties in the picture).

But, the pictures I was looking at I completely identified with the female each time (100 percent, not even a little into the male aspect... again, very shocking to me!). I even began thinking I wanted SRS (another thing I never thought I would consider before, I had always felt it wasn't that important to me).

Basically, it seems I have changed my mind! Not as a figure of speech, but actually my mind is different now.

Of course, I had noticed emotions and calmness and things along those lines happening.. but they all seemed like slight adjustments (I was always still "me"). It was todays experience I felt like a completely different person! My point of view and how I see things had suddenly shifted.

Honestly, it is a bit unsettling! I thought I knew what I wanted when I went into the hormones. I had thought through everything and what I would be "ok with" as outcomes. But, apparently all that is up for grabs.

Of course I'm not going to stop It just needs some time to adjust. Apparently, I really have crossed the line and killed off the other side of myself?

When I have been coming out to people, I have held the stance that "I am still the same person, I just look a little different and a few other minor changes"... but it seems I might end up a bit more different than I had expected in the end.

So, I was wondering if anyone else had run into major mental shifts? Where you just didn't feel like the same person anymore? Not just in mood, but in how you see and relate to the world?

[Taka]

i've had a few major mental shifts happen

once was in my view on homosexuality. i've learned from my mom that it's sinful and all that, so i avoided the theme and refused to admit i'm attracted to the same sex (as my body is). i also had trouble admitting that i liked some persons who were gay, simply because my parents at some point in time had said some really harsh things about my 2nd cousin who married another woman. ad of course i'd look away from the tv whenever two guys kissed or something

but then i got into anime, and amv's, and ended up at the yaoi themed things, tried looking away, but my interest was piqued. and in the end i read one of the cutest fluff doujinshi's ever, with two male characters from naruto (yup, naruto and sasuke). after that i read more and suddenly couldn't understand wth i'd been wasting so much of my life in denial and aversion, because all love is beautiful regardless of sex or gender

another  one that happened was when i started seeing everything from the top's perspective when reading gay erotica (yaoi manga). thought i was a girl, so i always tried to identify with the girl or bottom (depending on whether it's straight or gay). but this always gave a real bad aftertaste as well as rendering me even more unable to understand how girls think. when i tried to identify with the top/man, it suddenly became a lot more enjoyable, and after a while this also lead to me starting to question my gender again. trying too hard to be a girl really wasn't the best thing for me, so i'm glad i opened up to more possibilities and a different outlook on life

[Natkat]

I just wanna say identifying in porn, dosen't nessesary mean anything special.
I can identify as alot of diffrent person male female, if I see/read something, and porn is really just to turn you on,
i know lesbian girls who identify female but who can identify in male character and getting turned on, so sexualety is very fluent..
im just saying..

I felt I been chancing alot in my years, from the view of me..
I been pretty maculine and straight who wanted to fit in.
and now im more queer and dont hold back of the norm, or what is expected from me.

[AbraCadabra]

Hey, none too unusual yet somewhat astounding how ones "affectional orientation" can shift.

At first I was a male lesbian, then a femme-trans-dyke, more currently a femme-trans-BI-dyke, heehee.

But as to the femme identification... that was there ALL the time.
Look a porn, or even just like VOGUE magazine I KNOW that IS me.
Like: I WANT TO BE FLAT down there. Period.
It sucks to have all this extra skin about. And! Need a nice can (butt).
Not so needy for big boobs and such, they can get in the way. So easy does it up front for me :-)

So, E just gave you a wake-up call. It's how the cookie crumbles, that's all.

Enjoy,
Axelle

[Keroppi]

Honestly, it is a bit unsettling! I thought I knew what I wanted when I went into the hormones. I had thought through everything and what I would be "ok with" as outcomes. But, apparently all that is up for grabs.

Yep. Try being exclusively interested in females before, to one day realising not just you're now interested in men, but in particularly one of your best male friend. Oops! That was an interesting experience....

[Taka]

lol. i tried to be exclusively interested in males before, but then one day realized not just that i've actually always been attracted to females too, i'd also fallen for my best female friend

that wasn't funny at all, cause she isn't interested in me that way
and hormones had nothing to do with it either, so i can't even blame any other than myself

[inna]

OMG, shift of perception, change of values and what makes life worth living, loss of driving ability, I mean really, from great concentration and total devotion to the skill, to mere keeping the car on the road..........barely. Fashion, heels and all glam stuff which then made me envious of real genetic woman to jeans and a T or whatever, just so that it is comfy and aesthetically pleasing. From mere interpretation to being immersed in totality through spirit and body as female. Love which I have known before was like seeing Manhattan skyline on the postcard as suppose to real, love I have experienced lately, immaculate, sensual and charged and unconditional. I could go on but who I am now is a person who knows pain and suffering but as well who can love unconditionally and for whom truth fulfills every breath and every heart beat. I am both the past and present both as one but knowing what is real and what was not.