Hey there.
My name is Joshua Kael Carr, a FTM. (: I've been looking for a place that I can come to for support. Some days are just tough and I need this kind of forum to ask advice or just have someone to talk to. I hope that this can be what I'm looking for.
Ever since I was a kid, I've been far more interested in male activities than female ones. My toys, my sports, my clothes, have almost always been on the more masculine side. While my desire to be perceived as male is a more recent development, I always felt uncomfortable fitting into particular gender roles.
About two years ago, I started thinking about how I felt. I still don't really know HOW I came to the idea, but eventually I did. I wasn't certain, but I felt as if my gender didn't fit into the spectrum of female. However, I had no idea what to do about ANY of that, and mostly just felt confused for quite awhile.
Then I met Connor. Connor was a FTM himself and he was so sure of himself. He looked male, he looked great, and I ended up dating him even though I identified as lesbian at the time. I felt quite strongly about him and I asked him A LOT of questions. Everything about his transition and everything interested me. It scared the crap out of me, but it was thrilling to me.
With him by my side, I felt like I had found something that would help what I was feeling inside. And I wasn't paralyzed by my fear when I had him. I searched for a male name that would fit me. I tried to dress more male when I could.
Connor and I broke up, but I got together with a girl named Brie who was SO supportive. She bought me my binder that I still use today. (: She called me Josh all the time and referred to me as male all the time. She really saw me as male and that was the most incredible feeling in the world. Dating someone as their boyfriend was AMAZING. So empowering.
The more time went on, the more comfortable I felt about it. And here I am now.
I pass about 90% of the time. I wear guys clothes all the time. I have a haircut I'm happy with. I have great friends. My family isn't completely aware/accepting, but they do understand that I'm not happy with my birth sex.
But there are still those days and times that I need some help.
Which is why I'm here. I hope we get to know each other well.
(:
