I have been frequenting a gay/les/tg club near my town at any opportunity I get to shake my tush to the beat of popular house groove of times, mind you I am not as old as my license states. Not only it is the first time after nearly 4 years after the decision to go with it and 1 year after the reveal but also probably 20+ years since I last shook my tush in the club all by my self.
Well, I am shaking in the rhythmic trance and in front of me very attractive male starts to pay rather more then usual attention, we get close and for some reason I do not back off but enjoy the attention. During my denial years, which spans entire life, I have been ultra homophobic as a front, due to my personification of a manly man and so that no one, I mean no one could suspect me of anything else but manliness.
But that was then and this is now, when I am allowing all the emotions to penetrate my psyche and true self to emerge.
So, we are both shaking our tushes and getting closer and closer, I am slowly but enticingly backing my self towards the wall at which point he puts one of his strong arms over my shoulder, presses against the wall and stares there at me for a while. We smile, I am at loss of where to go with my feelings, I have never done anything such as this, oh my, but it strangely feels so good, to be taken and swept into the strength of a powerful yet gentle male.
He advances, our lips touch, and for a moment I am lost in the place with no time and no consequence, I am vulnerable, soft, sensual being lost in another's arms, the moment passes, he backs down, smiles, and slowly returns to the dance floor.
I am standing there, still figuring out what just happened. Was it wrong, was it disgusting, was it wonderful, was it blissful, thoughts running wild in my female brain but I notice I am smiling from ear to ear and can't stop. It took me a while to grasp the moment and catch my breath. I have returned to the dance floor and looked for the smile I so remembered. He wasn't there. Time have passed and I sat down at the near couch facing the dance floor. As I was resting I locked my eyes once again with him, slowly he begun to get closer and closer until his legs were brushing against mine. He leaned over, kissed me on the cheek and once again disappeared into the crowd.
This night felt surreal but wonderful and adventurous. My journey begun not so long ago but it unfolds in the most mysterious ways I could never imagine. Day by day I am becoming more of her, more of me, and less of a pretense I once called Robert.
