Friends...

[Hadrian]

Okay, so last Friday I asked you guys how to come out to my brother, which went smashingly BTW, even though in the back of my mind I knew everything would go alright; doubt aside.

My new worry is a new friend of mine. I've worked with her for three years and recently (6 months or so) we've been hanging out and are pretty good friends. I've mentioned before on this site that nearly all of my friends know about my trans status and are all really supportive, save one (screw her).

So, bottom line. I think my new friend knows, or at least suspects. See, we're going to Nashcon next year and I'm cosplaying as Castiel. We were talking last night about how the actors respond to fans' costumes and she says: "Well, last year a GIRL dressed up as Cas' and...I'm mean it was GIRL and she did really good, and Misha pointed it out..."

And she gave me this knowing look, and told me how I would do great and so on, and went on about how I'd pull off a suit and such. She knows that I'm legally changing my name next year and Hadrian isn't female in the least. IDK, I mean do I just let it be? By the time Nashcon comes around next year I'll most likely have been on T for a few months. She's really open-minded but I don't know if I should wait and tell her or just find a way to see her views on the subject first...? IDK. I really don't want to screw up this friendship.

Does anyone have any advise on this, especially with friends you made during transition before you were able to pass?

[Brendon]

I would just tell her. I don't know that figuring out her views on the subject is really going to help with anything. If she's not okay with it, figuring out her views in advance isn't likely to help save your friendship (though, if she's not okay with it, she's probably not someone you'll be wanting to keep as a friend).

If she really is open minded, I would just tell her and hope for the best. From what you've said about her, I'd imagine everything will go over fine. Good luck.

[RyGuy]

why would you try to find out your friend's views on being trans before coming out? if she disapproves are you going to not transition or something? i mean i understand that not knowing how she is going to react is scary, but eventually you're just going to have to tell her or run away and never speak to her again (and i doubt you've considered the second option). what you're doing to be more comfortable with your own body and identity is no one's business but your own unless you choose to share it with them. if your "friends" only liked you for who they thought you were, and leave you once they find out who you truly ARE, then what kind of "friends" are those?

also, hadrian is a really great name but it's not something that screams "THE PERSON WITH THIS NAME IS DEFINITELY A MALE" in my face. there are so few names that do anymore. but yeah i wouldn't necessarily assume that you were undergoing gender therapy just because you were changing your name to hadrian so don't assume that your friend has necessarily "figured it out".