Dublin Wit

[Maebh]

An other true story. It happened last Sunday.

On his way to the fhe first international Rugby match in Croke Park this Southsider (from the posh side of the town) parks his sporty BMW in Mountjoy Square (on the North Side near Summerhill: a "deprived" area and heaven for Joyriders).
A young local fella from the flats approaches him:
-" Hey mister! For a fiver I'll keep an eye on your car for you"
-"No needs, thanks. You see that mean looking Alsatian on the passenger seat? He'll take good care of it!"
-"Right! Nice one... but tell me mister: how good is he at putting out fires?"

LL&R
Maebh

That same morning

Stuck in the traffic-jam on the quays on the 39 bus into town, I decide I'll be quicker walking. So I ring the bell to ask the driver to let me out at the next stop. Others must have come to the same conclusion as the bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. Eventually the already stressed, but obviously well read, driver switches on the PA system and belts out in the mike.
"For Pete's sakes! Would all of yours Quasimodos at the back stops ringing them bloody bells!"

LL&R
Maebh

[Melissa]

That same morning

Stuck in the traffic-jam on the quays on the 39 bus into town, I decide I'll be quicker walking. So I ring the bell to ask the driver to let me out at the next stop. Others must have come to the same conclusion as the bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. Eventually the already stressed, but obviously well read, driver switches on the PA system and belts out in the mike.
"For Pete's sakes! Would all of yours Casimodos at the back stops ringing them bloody bells!"

LL&R
Maebh

Now *that* one is funny.

Melissa

[Suzy]

What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy 0'Furniture

Why did the Irishman fall out the window?
He was ironing the curtain.

Why dont't Irish Women use vibrators?
They chip their teeth

What's the definition of an Irish cocktail?
A pint of Guinness with a potatoe in it.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins.
Her Husband demanded to know who the other man was.

How do you tell which is the bride at an irish wedding?
She's the one wearing wearing white gumboots.

Where is cleanliness next to godliness?
In the Irish dictionary.


A Irish nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, then it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.

She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts:

"That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

[Maebh]

Notice behind the bar in my local:

" We have a business agreement with the banks:
They don't sell drinks; we don't cash cheques"

Slanté

An other notice in the gents toilets:

"You don't pee in the ashtrays;
So why the buts* in the urinals?"

*->-bleeped-<-s ends

This old one, nursing a flat pint at the bar, is moaning about the condition of the country.

"Since Dev's gone, there's no more respect from the youngs, with the price of the gargle and everything, this place is gone to the dogs; it really is!"

Nodding his head in agreement the barman replies:

"You're dead right there Mick! and I'll tell you something now: these days, even nostalgia is not as good as it used to be"


LL&R
Maebh