I get my checkup and bloodwork done today

[Randi]

I am finally ready to get my physical checkup and bloodwork done and I am both excited and apprehensive. I am going to ask for a prescription for Estrogen and an AA based on self medication for over a year. I am hoping they will want to get me on a verifiable source of hormones and increase my blood testing from once a year to once every three months.  Say a quick prayer for me, cross your fingers, thumbs together, or what ever it is you do that will give me hope and mabe a bit of luck!

Randi

[Padma]

You'll knock 'em dead . I hope it goes smoothly.

[Randi]

Thanks, if it doesn't go well I am prepared- They will loose not only one patient but three if it comes to that. If they will work with me I will stay but I am ready to tell them I will be having my record sent elsewhere. In all probability, the will choose not to work with me, that's what I expect to happen anyway.

[Randi]

Well, I got a mixed blessing today. No she is not going to write my prescription today but IF I go see a gender specialist she will write it. She gave me a good exam including breast which I did enjoy by the way. I asked her if she could feel the tissues there and she said there was significantly more than the last time I was there  I couldn't help but be pleased by her demeanor.
The reason she gave for not writing it is she has not done enough research on my condition as to define my dosage correctly and she was not going to just take my word for it. So I proceeded to tell her my history of E use and what doseage I was at prior to stopping in order to establish a baseline and she was quick to thank me for being that concerned about establishing the baseline levels.
I can hardly wait for my test results to come back-my biggest concern is my liver enzyme levels. If they are ok then I can get this started very soon but if not-I will have to wait even though I do not want to.
I want to feel somewhat normal (what ever that is) and feel my breast tissues hurt again.
I said along time ago that I wasn't really in a hurry-now that couldn't be farther from being the truth. I am in one huge hurry to get this back to where I was a year ago and feel my chest growing again.
I took my sister out to supper tonite and told her what happened today and she said-'I hate mine and wish I could be rid of them for good'. Hers are really big and I am sure they get in her way at times-but I would love to have them. If I can get back on E soon I will probably have breasts that aren't much smaller than hers. I'm basing that opinion on my growth thus far on what little hormone use I have had-I am a full A cup on one side and the other is a bit larger so I am very happy with what I have now.
My wife is not happy about it but she has said that she will stay with me thru this and we will find a way together-I can't ask for more!

Randi

[JenniL]

Thats good to hear things went good for you. Not getting the prescriptions isn't though, but its good she good she gave you valid reason. I rather have someone say yea I am not sure what I need to do. I am hoping your liver enzymes check out so you can get started again soon. Also happy to hear that your wife is going to go thru this with you 

[melissa42013]

Randi,
I understand your doctors reluctance. Most have no training in administering and testing for cross-gender hormone therapy and don't know where to start.

I have a guide published by the endocrinologist association that covers MTF and FTM treatment protocols for doctors. I can't publish it here because it would violate susans terms so if you or anyone else want to email me I will be happy to send it. I also have guides for therapists and speech pathologists.

I found it hard to find anyone around me with experience and I live in a state capitol! So the guides are a good way to get them independent third party professional best practices. One thing I found when searching for experts to assist me is that you may not find a "trans friendly" professional but they are all educated professionals and sympathetic. I think it would be hard to find one that would refuse treatment for trans prejudices. Instead they just don't have the training.

Melissa

[Randi]

I have an appointment to see my therapist tomorrow at 5. Hopefully between these two ladies maybe I can finally get my prescription written soon. I am feeling good to at least be making some forward progress toward my goal. If I could have guidelines to take with me to give to them I think that would help alot.

[Randi]

I told my wife about my appointment this evening and she freaked out. I know her response is based upon her insecurities but when she is upset I get upset too then blame myself for it. That will oftentimes turn into depression and this morning was difficult-but I am holding my head high as I haven't done any harm to anyone and have nothing to be sorry for.

I just got home from my therapy session. My therapist said she really didn't think I need it and she has no problem with writing a letter for me for hormones or surgery if that's what I want!!! She is going to consult my nurse tomorrow and see where we go from here-but at least I am going to have my hormones letter-I am so happy I just want to shout and dance around!    

[Francis Ann Burgett]

Randi, good luck. I think you are in for a problem to proceed & have a "wife". I've been there & done that years ago, women or wives & changing gender to a woman while with them just does not mix or it surely did not for me.

Good luck anyway, it's your decision.

Your friend,

Francis

[Randi]

Thank you Francis, this die was cast long ago and I am eager to get started once again towards my goal. My wife is aware that things will change even more but she says she will remain with me-we will see.

[Francis Ann Burgett]

It cannot be easy, she knows you as a man that she had sex with, enjoyed, etc, not as a woman.   Been there, done that.

It will not be easy on you or her but good luck maybe she can adjust to a sister/girlfriend relationship, ?

I'll leave it alone, it's not my business anyway.

[Randi]

My relationship with my wife is like good friends who can ask each other anything-within reason as we are both still a bit uncomfortable with the situation. But we are making the best of it-it is what it is and to do otherwise would be costly.

I am one of those people you can ask anything so don't hesitate to comment or ask me anything you want to.

[melissa42013]

Randi,
Keep in mind there will be ups and down for you both during this. Trust me I am in the middle of that ride. At first I thought things were over but after six months of therapy my wife has decided that she really wants to make it work. We really enjoy being together and other than the TS have a "prefect" relationship.

I have found thought that small things "trigger" her to realize the "reality" of this situation and that rather than trying to "fix them" I just need to let them run their course. They definitely need to go through the stages of grief as they are loosing us and learning about this taught me when to just back off and let her be.

Just this weekend I asked her if she would mind if I bought a necklace on vacation (my first). She told me she didn't mind at all but as we sat at lunch staring at it her mood became sullen as she realized this was just one more change along the way.

-M

[Randi]

Melissa,

Yes it sounds very familiar. Mine gets that way when I bring up getting my ears pierced-which I will do very soon & I already wear necklaces. She is insecure at times then she will be strong again and we get along fine. This time around she knows only too well this is something I have to do just to be stable. She says she wants to make this work so I will try as well.

Thanks again for the guideline documents-I gave them to my therapist and she is going to forward them to my nurse. I finished reading thru the largest one last night and I must say there is very much thought provoking material there in addition to containing a sample recommendation letter for my therapist. She asked me during our session the other day what the letter should contain so that will be a big help!

Randi

[Jennifer]

Wonderful news Randi! Communication and honesty are key to a successful relationship and it sounds like you have that. Good for you.

I would be interested in these guideline documents you speak of. Could you or Melissa send them to me? Thanks in advance.           

Jennifer