What do you do when you get clocked and laughed or stared at?

[Jayne]

A few weeks ago I was in a very public situation, I don't go out as female most of the time as it's very hard for me to pass due to a combination of a very prominent 5 o'clock shadow & bad excema which prevents me from using heavy makeup but this was a special occassion.

Some bloke saw me & shouted abuse, I didn't clearly hear what he said but he was pointing straight at me & laughing so my response was to smile & blow him a kiss, he went bright red & I thought his head would explode with rage, I was with a great many friends so I knew I was safe from retaliation.

Later in the day a young immature lad asked me if my breasts were real, I told him not to be so rude & he then asked if he could have a feel so quick as a flash I reached into my bra & dumped one of my fake breasts into his hand, his face was a picture & one of the men who'd heard the exchange walked over & cuffed him round the back of the head & told him he should be more respectfull towards women.

I often get looks as I refuse to remove my nail varnish just for the sake of others, it's one of the few things that can snap me out of a depressed state of mind, if someone stares or laughs at my nails I simply ask them if they think purple would be better than the pink i'm wearing, they all scuttle off quick sharp at that one.

[ShadeOfGray]

I was at a restaurant and as I walked to the table I heard a couple say 'Look at this one' so I went to their table and asked what they wanted to look at. They went bright red, totally embarrassed and my sister in law and I sat at the table next to them and had a nice meal while they did not.

I felt fine.

Omg, Cindy. That's hilarious. xD

[Sasha56]

Ugh!  I'm having to deal with this again.  While I had my extensions in I was passing or at least not getting the snickers and points.  Unfortunately they all got glued together and the bonds started breaking down so I had to take them out.





Have you tried making the clip in ones? There are very easy and cheap to make and reusable.

I made some for about $20, that includes the hair which is synthetic and 6 clips. You can find a how to video on youtube on how to tie them.

[mikaellucien]

People have been staring at me for more than a decade, regardless of trans status.  I get stared at because of tattoos & scars often.  There was a time when I'd keep my head down & move on as quickly as possible.  These days I find that looking the person in the eye, thus acknowledging their stare(s), makes *them* uncomfortable & they move along.

On an occasion when that failed, the ass hat actually walked up to me, told me he couldn't *tell* my gender & he needed to "feel" to find out.  I politely asked him how he'd feel if someone said the same to his mother or any other loved one & then excused myself to inform security.

[thevaliantx]

Back when I was last transitioning I had a crappy looking wig.  It was so bad that I literally spent an hour sitting in front of the rearview mirror in my truck, continuously combing the hair.  I was so worked up over the wig that I couldn't walk through WalMart without wanting to crawl into a shell.  A couple of girls nodded their head in my direction.  It turned out the girl at the register smiled at me and told me she liked my hair, and when I got home and looked at my arms in the mirror I knew why I had been clocked quickly...my arms were still muscular.  I had only been on HRT for a month or so.  Moral of the story is that if you don't naturally pass without HRT, then you need to give HRT time to work and temper your expectations accordingly.  Another thing:  you may look sexy or cute in an outfit in frontbof a nirror at home, but cute and sexy don't make you look real.......unless the sun has gone down and you're without a flashlight.

[Sophiabutterfly09]

Ignore negative energy and intention directed your way. Realize their motivation to degrade and dehumanize you as a transperson is likely borne out of their own insecurities. Transgender actress and activist  Laverne Cox describes the statement " Thats a man" oftentimes directed towards a transwoman as an act of violence, which it is. My advice: Pray and thank God/Spirit for giving you wisdom and strength.

[JulieBlair]

This thread has me thinking.  I thank you all for your perspective as it informs mine.  Most of my life I've been labled as a little bit odd.  First it was because I was not aggressive like the other boys; later because I would rather read or play music than do sports; as an adult it was because a lot folks could not decide if I was gay or straight or whatever.  So I developed strategies to cope.  Try to be the smartest person in the room was one, which was fine unless I wasn't;  get involved with theater;  get married (poor women), climb mountains; run marathons, pretty much anything that would make me feel superior in some way so that the deeply held thought that I was a fake and a fraud would stay hidden.  "I am a rock, I am an Island. and a rock feels no pain and an Island never cries," the song goes, and so went I.  I wasted decades playing this game.  Finally a couple of years ago I just couldn't do it any more and admitted to myself the truth and from somewhere found the inner strength to seek my authentic self.  So twenty months into HRT, and unless I get FFS, I am probably about as physically feminine as I will ever be. 
So how do I respond the occasional stare or snarky comment?  Depends - Am I safe?  Then with a smile or sometimes I even have the guts to engage and educate.  Am I tired?  I just try to get away.  Am I frightened? Stay in a crowd.  I don't do some of what I used to to as a matter of course.  I don't go downtown at night alone.  I am not very flamboyant or ostentatious.   I am much more aware of my surroundings.  But at the bottom of it all I am who I am, and grateful for the chance to be just that.  Thank you to all who guide me and respond to my ramblings.  You are my inspiration, and my muse.
j

[Quarky]

I didn't exactly get clocked since I wasn't dressing as female. But I told my friends and they just told me that I'm disgusting and that I should kill myself. I went to the scool psychiatrist and told him what they had told me, except that I feel trans. He called some calls and got me set up for a meeting with a real psychiatrist, because he said that there appeared to be some problems with my feelings that I would have to speak with someone apart from my family.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

I usually get stared at...
I stare back trying to understand what they re thinking...

[Joan]

I usually stare back, too.  If I'm feeling especially unhappy with the person responsible I might add a look of disdain

I've been laughed at a few times, but it doesn't bother me much anymore.  I just go about my business and ignore the people who have so little excitement in their lives that I have to be their entertainment.

[Jessica15]

A couple years I went to a concert on Halloween and decided to partially cross dress for it from the waist down with thigh high stockings, hooker boots, and micro skirt!  From the waist up I just wore a regular shirt and ghoul Halloween mask over my face.  As soon as I got out of my car, there was a guy walking by.  He stopped right in his tracks and was like "THAT'S A MAN, THAT'S A MAN!"  I just kept walking.  Once inside I walked past another couple guys and one said to the other "there goes that gay guy again."  He didn't say it in a derogatory manner.  He just truly seemed ignorant.  I didn't bother to correct him.

But besides those two instances, everyone else was awesome about it.  I constantly had people coming up to me telling me how awesome they thought I looked.  I even got some attention from girls which never happens when I look like just another random guy.

[Jill F]

Clocked- don't give a sh^t.  Happens less than it used to.  I mean, most people I deal with or see knew me before, right?
Laughed at- Only happened like the first time I went out.   I'm still big and strong enough to kick most guys asses anyway.
Stared at- Cross eyes and slowly morph a goofy face.

[Ev]

It's completely situational.

Depends on how they stare at me.  One gent was looking at me with a smug look at a table across from me so I batted my eyes at him.  He smirked in a way that I found to be flirtatious and went back to eating.  Another person stared with a soft smile on their face so I smiled softly back.  I tend to "reward" kindness/compliments with the same back.

Idiots, however...different story.

Another guy called me "f**" one day so I blew him a kiss, waved, and said "So sweet, hun.  Thank you!  I love you too!" louder than he insulted me so people could see that I was talking to him.  I'm not "gay" but whatever.

Another 50-something male idiot yelled something completely moronic at me from (get this) the back of his buddy's SUV.  Like I am going to take a guy like that seriously?  Maybe if the insult was more intelligent.  He asked this:
"Nice outfit.  Do they also sell it in the girl's section?" 
I ignored him and din't even pay him a second glance, but what was going through my head was this: say whaaaaaa?  No, sir, they sell dresses exclusively in the men's isle these days.  Where have you been?

Another time a car full of men started yelling and saying that they were going to kick my @$$.  They started to pile out of the car, so I puffed up and started to speak in the deepest "man voice" I could muster, yelling: "Party time, party time, party time!"  Freaked them out so they went back into the car.  Little did those bozos know I am ex-military and a one-time self-defense instructor so I wouldn't have gone down easy.

There has only been one time I was actually hurt by an insult, but it was because it was something my father used to use on me as a kid.  That feeling lasted for a bout a minute until I got a lock on it: then I was mad at myself more than the ones who insulted me for letting my dad "win" again.

What I am hoping for is someone who can insult me with intelligence...but the thing is, the people who are intelligent enough to create any good insults are probably too intelligent to feel the need to say anything about it anyways.

I have had people take bets on my gender...no lie...but as an "androgynous tomboy" person that is exactly the kind of thing I should expect.

[melanie maritz]

I don't think I've ever been laughed at, and I don't know what I would do if that happened.

But I've been stared at a lot. This one time a guy  called me by my birth name just to see how I would react. I didn't even know him so people are gossiping about me again. I just looked at him and he smirked at me with an expression I'd imagine would be more fitting on satans face.

Once an old man stared at me from the inside a stil standing bus but I couldn't make out if he was clocking me or was just constipated. Maybe he was very confused by what he saw and tried to make sense of it. I looked away but kept looking back and seeing him looking at me.

The other day a guy I was in high school with saw me and pulled his friend's arm saying something like "look there! I always knew he was gay!" but I couldn't hear so well because me and my friends were walking away from his direction. No one else seemed to hear it.

[nicolegn7]

What do I do? I usually say something back (it's the latina new yorker in me lol) but what is best is to keep it moving and ignore it. In the beggining it sucks, but as you age in transition things like that start to bother you less and less. This is going to sound cliche but it gets better. You get used to being in your skin and eventually stop caring what people think about you.

[April_TO]

amazing thread. helped me a lot 

[awilliams1701]

I'm already used to it. I've had long hair for about half my life. It was my first attempt at telling myself that hey you're really a girl. Unfortunately I didn't listen. I've gotten laughed at and pointed at as a result for a long time. However now that I'm out and full time, I've noticed people are a little more obvious about it. Oh well. I have a nice house and car what do you have?

[Jerri]

for me this is a normal day, I made a choice to stay with my 24 year job and live in a small rural town, I was very well known and involved socially, as my life fell apart and I decided to live as me and stop fighting. People who know me soon realized that I am a better person now. For those who choose to comment or snicker I remind them how much life has changed and that as me I am much better person, I rarely open a door and express only as female, at least I do not get teased as being a feminine man any more tehe. I made a choice to start living my life as a transsexual male to female, I have great pride about who I am growing into and the positive changes in my life for being me. Sure it hurts when people are rude and insensitive but still for me this is so much better regardless of what others think say or do. I have been able to find peace in who I am and accept that even on my best day I am a transsexual and very proud of it, not many people are willing to take the hard path in life and we have

xoxo
Jerri

[April_TO]

Jerri, you almost brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the wonderful share. I truly believe it takes courage to be who you are amidst the judgement and stereotyping out there. Regardless of which path we choose, we will get judged, laughed at or ridiculed. We might as well live our true authentic selves.

Kudos to you girl, proud of you!

for me this is a normal day, I made a choice to stay with my 24 year job and live in a small rural town, I was very well known and involved socially, as my life fell apart and I decided to live as me and stop fighting. People who know me soon realized that I am a better person now. For those who choose to comment or snicker I remind them how much life has changed and that as me I am much better person, I rarely open a door and express only as female, at least I do not get teased as being a feminine man any more tehe. I made a choice to start living my life as a transsexual male to female, I have great pride about who I am growing into and the positive changes in my life for being me. Sure it hurts when people are rude and insensitive but still for me this is so much better regardless of what others think say or do. I have been able to find peace in who I am and accept that even on my best day I am a transsexual and very proud of it, not many people are willing to take the hard path in life and we have

xoxo
Jerri

[Elsa Delyth]

Asymmetrical expressions are insincere in general, it's difficult to fake sincerity (and thus insincerity is arguably physically unhealthy) -- but asymmetrical smirks, eye-rolls and such particularly are expressions of contempt, dismissal, and putting someone below you. This however is a doubled-edged sword, as you are then cutting off roads to learning, and self-growth, and I believe such megalomania to be more appropriate for the immature than for adults. Kant said that enlightenment was merely the maturity of our species.

When you are contemptuous, and let your expectations, and pre-judgments get in the way of sincerely paying attention, then you won't learn anything. We need to dismiss information or perceptions that threaten our worldviews, or they will trigger a reevaluation of our beliefs.

When someone does that, all I see is them being willfully ignorant.