Well I shall lurk no longer. This is kind of symbolic for me. It is taking a step to publically moving in the direction that I know I need.
I've never felt as comfortable around my own birth sex. I suppose it took me a long time to connect the dots. I remember being asked to go out with my first girlfriend and being ecstatic because it meant that I could just hang out with all her girlfriends and well... just 'be one of the girls...' You know... Talk, share, laugh... Didn't quite work that way. In fact, I never wanted a relationship with a girl even though I was attracted to them. Now, I know that really I just wanted to be a girl.
I remember playing role-playing games growing up and always wanting to play female characters but knowing that I couldn't without everyone thinking I was crazy. I lived in a very conservative, rural town. Everything that was feminine that I had clothing-wise I liked but guilted myself out of. I remember watching a movie at about 13 where a side character is transformed into a woman and although the scene was sexualized. I totally remember thinking, I wish it was real so I could literally be a girl. Oh yeah, and looking in the mirror and hating the bits... I even gained weight and remember being happy that I couldn't see it when I looked down. I still never figured it out. I a bit slow on the uptake or what!??? LOL!
My image of transgendered people growing up were as if they were all drag queen performers which is such a shame because I simply didn't identify with that. I really think it is great that slowly there are more GLBTQ characters, stories, movies, literature out there so young kids can figure all this out so much earlier and easier than I did.
I'm happily married and I'm out to my wife. She helped my buy my first sets of underwear, colourful socks, and shirts. I have a girl and another mystery child on the way. Happy to be here and I'm not sure where the journey will end up, but I know it is right.
