Sex

[mowdan6]

Yea.  that got your attention.  Well being an older trans man, I find that sex isn't a big issue.  The one thing i miss is having someone i can wrap my arms around as i fall asleep.  I miss someone to share my day with.  I miss having someone that I can take out to a nice restuarant and show them a good time.  And, again, I miss having someone to wrap my arms around.  Letting them know...I am here...and I will protect you. 
My transition has brought me to a place where...a sexual relationship, is not the end all.  Having someone to hold, as i fall asleep,  that would be awesome.

[Janet_Girl]

Mowdan,  As we get older sex isn't the thing.  It is companionship.  That is what my GF and I sought was someone just to be with.  Now granted we are not together yet physically, but we are emotionally.

And I am really going to miss her when she goes on holiday.  Heading for Italy with friends. 

[JungianZoe]

I miss all of those things too, and I get really upset when I think of the possibility of it never happening again in my life.  As for sex itself, I never really cared for it.  I'm nearly 34 and have had it exactly 6 times in my life, once with a girl I dated for five years, and five times during my 2.5-year marriage.  Couldn't even stand the thought of doing it.  But then again, I wasn't sexually attracted to girls either.

Often, I wonder if sexuality will play as big a role as cuddling when I have surgery and start dating guys.  But it'll be years and years before I know.

[Maddie Secutura]

Shoot, I have the feeling I'll earn the nickname Maddie McSlutface. 

[BillieTex]

I miss all of those things too, and I get really upset when I think of the possibility of it never happening again in my life. 

This way can be, and for me is, a very lonely way. But still i feel better alone than to try and fake it with someone. Sex caused many fits of depression and tear because my brain just did not seem to know how to operate this body spontainiously. I do miss holding and waking with someone...   

[kate durcal]

Yea.  that got your attention.  Well being an older trans man, I find that sex isn't a big issue.  The one thing i miss is having someone i can wrap my arms around as i fall asleep.  I miss someone to share my day with.  I miss having someone that I can take out to a nice restuarant and show them a good time.  And, again, I miss having someone to wrap my arms around.  Letting them know...I am here...and I will protect you. 
My transition has brought me to a place where...a sexual relationship, is not the end all.  Having someone to hold, as i fall asleep,  that would be awesome.

Not to aggravate you, but most guys start talking like you either when the loose the ability or when thye are over 120. Otherwise is hump, hump, hump

Kate D

[Lisbeth]

My transition has brought me to a place where...a sexual relationship, is not the end all.  Having someone to hold, as i fall asleep,  that would be awesome.

That's how I feel about holding hands.

[JungianZoe]

That's how I feel about holding hands.

That too!  And massages, and someone playing with my hair, or simply leaning against me.  Those are the things I truly love.

[gandaberunda]

Hmm.  I've always loved sex when it was with a woman who didn't fall into conventional roles.  I never liked trying to be the "masculine" role.  On the other hand, with a trusting partner, sex was often punctuated by statements like, "I do to her what I would want done to me."  In this way, I often felt that sex was an important way for me to empathize with a feminine part of me that was otherwise hidden.

[caitlin_adams]

I miss all of those things too, and I get really upset when I think of the possibility of it never happening again in my life.

Shoot, I have the feeling I'll earn the nickname Maddie McSlutface. 

Zoe, I can completely relate to how you feel. I haven't proceeded with my transition for that very reason (and the implication that it's a lot harder to have children and start a family without a partner).

I'd love to earn a nickname such as Maddie's and I think I would enjoy sex in my identified gender so much more but given how I look I seriously doubt that any  male would be willing to date me, much less settle down and start a family with me, especially if they knew my biological history.

I'm so scared I'll never find someone who loves me and that I'll never be able to start a family.

The one thing that gives me hope is surrogacy and even that's a long shot.

[Beth Andrea]

There's a lot of older people who've lost their spouses who want the same thing. Houses are quiet when there's only one, where once there were two...cooking dinner is pointless, because there's no one to share it with...

The transition itself isn't what bothers me the most...it's getting old, and being the last of "my" generation to die. As one gets older, they lose friends one by one to Father Time...

Sex is fun, but it's overrated. Cuddling, holding hands, looking into the eyes, sharing each others' breath (does anyone else do this besides me and my wife? We'll breathe into each other's nose as the other breathes in...we share the air that was inside each other. Just curious...)

Sorry, I got in a funk there for a minute.

[Vaerama]

Sex is the only time I have no question the other person involved sees me as me. It is a very greatly needed ego boost, and i don't get many ego boosts. To think I went 2 whole months without feeling what I do right now... it's still buzzing through my system all these many hours later

Cuddling would be nice, but in my current state I cannot face someone and cuddle with anything more than my top half. Hand holding can be reassuring, but it doesn't accomplish too much. Looking into someone's eyes shies me into turning away, so I almost never make eye contact, and can only hold it when I am brashly entertaining someone and see mirth appear in their eyes.

But the important thing for me is the same foreplay that applies to natal women... that my responses are the same and that it feels so good far outweighs the rest of the sex, proving once and for all that I am selfishly motivated

(does anyone else do this besides me and my wife? We'll breathe into each other's nose as the other breathes in...we share the air that was inside each other. Just curious...)

*Raises her hand*

I'd love to earn a nickname such as Maddie's and I think enjoy sex in my identified gender so much more but given how I look I seriously doubt that any  male would be willing to date me, much less settle down and start a family with me, if they knew my biological history.

They do exist... it's just finding them that's the kicker.

[SandraJane]

I hold out hope for sex, although it usually fell short of satisfying me, but holding hands and cuddling still satisfies me. It goods to know so many of you feel the same way (about the later!).

[tekla]

Maddie McSlutface.

That's funny.  My mom used to tell me that it was a good thing I wasn't born a girl or I would have been in a 'family way' before high school.  And every 9 months after that.  I'd have my own trailer park.

And sorry, if it really means that little to you, you were probably doing it wrong, doing it with the wrong people, or both.

[kate durcal]

I love to see the face of my partner as I am being "pounded," if coming from behind, the heavy breading on my neck send into a parroxism of contractions. A good penetration says: "I am wanted, and owned,"  the stuff that makes cuddling worthwhile.

Kate D

[AbraCadabra]

I'm reading a bit ~ "we love most what we can't get?"

Speaking to my ex she could get it with her second husband but takes the position "sex is over rated". She flat out refuses sex these days.

Speaking to my brother-in-law he could get it (plenty) but he refuses for "sex is too much bother".

Speaking to his wife... she is ready to climb the walls saying: "Sex? What is sex? I forgotten about it!"

Speaking for myself I much like Zoë's take these days. Else - I would be climbing some of my walls too.

And there is but little argument to have and enjoy sex with someone you really like/love, now what's wrong now with that? I'm speaking about myself here.

"I'm not cocky, I just LOVE myself..." in 'Vanity' C. Aguilera :-)

Since HRT, that big O has made my knees chatter and rattle my whole body. Loud acoustics included, and NO ONE, is clamping their hand over my mouth! Thank you so much for the time being.

Any one for a cold shower, please? :-)

Axelle

[JulieC.]

I didn't think I would be so alone with this but I LOVE sex.  When you make love to someone it's the most intimate connection that you can have.  That doesn't mean I don't like cuddling and kissing and companionship. I do.  It's great that I have someone to sleep with and wake up with in the morning.  I have a partner to grow old with.  Yeah, that's really more important than the sex but what's wrong with both? 

It's not always that easy to find someone but I think you can find that person even after transition.

[Ann Onymous]

It's not always that easy to find someone but I think you can find that person even after transition.

It is...the hard part is not growing apart after a period of time (you know, just like cis peeps do). 

[tekla]

When you make love to someone it's the most intimate connection that you can have.
It's not just that, it's that in making love, ->-bleeped-<-ing your brains out, or just rutting like they do on the Discovery Channel, connects you not only to that other person(s) - but to the entire reality of the physical universe.  And I don't think that we're the only people here who love sex - I just think its one of the few places where people who don't like sex can say that without everyone else walking away - half because they think you're weird, and the other half because you just answered the one and only question about yourself they really care about. 

But as my first GF used to tell me: Of all the sexual perversions in the world, chastity/abstinence is the strangest/weirdest by a long shot.