almost burst into tears

[LilKittyCatZoey]

ok so i had a friend over today (first time 3 months  ) now she knows about me and is very very supportive but i felt such a boy! its like everything from voice to my laugh! i h8 it i have been so programmed by society i can't feel happy ! and everyone says i should keep my grades up well consider this i have been so sad i have lost all my As and in fact am failing school because i can't bear it! i don't know what to do ! i can't find a way to let me free i.. i almost cried and ruined her fun day which made me feel worse because her parents are divorceing and she blames herself and that made me realise i need to fix this ! any tips  ? seriously anything ! tho keep in mind my mom would have a panic attack if i wore nail polish

[Marta]

One of the things that i have done that's helped me personally in the past is to think of your situation as just a road block. It's painful right now but it will be temporary, and right now i am going through a rough time with something else, but you just have to fill your head with that thought "this is temporary, i am here right now and it sucks but ill get through this and ill be happy" you might not be out right now, you might not be taking hormones, you might be afraid of not being accepted but it will pass. There will come a time where you must tell the people you love and care about that you are TG. Something i have learned from my experience with my aunt is that the longer you keep it in or you try to suppress and hide from family, the more you suffer. It is hard to live as someone that you are not and thats why you will suffer and in the long run it might be a little bit more difficult to transition because you will be older- testosterone will have changed your body completely and things like that. When you decide that its time to come out you will feel so much better- because you can finally begin to change and start feeling more comfortable in your own body. When you start feeling sad just think of that- think of the day you will finally feel good in your body   

[Izumi]

You probably feel that way because your at a standstill, your not progressing forward.  If you TS and you dont want your parents to know you can still progress forward without them and feel a little better about yourself.  If you are in high school and under 18 your parents legally own you, however you can get a jump start on therapy (which is confidential by the way) and ask your mom to take you to a therapist for "depression".  That therapist can recommend a gender therapist and not give your parents any details by law if you so wish, that way you can get your therapy out of the way early. 

Second) Money.  Your going to need a lot of it.  If i was you i would focus on school (which will get you better jobs) and work (which you will need after you turn 18).  You honestly dont have time to feel sorry for yourself, you will be too busy working your butt off till you hit 18.  I know at 16 the part time job i was working at 30 hours a week and going to school landed me enough per year that i could have afforded SRS right when i turned 18 and then some.  Think about that...   

Honestly your position is not bad at all, i transitioned at 31 (hormones at 32) and turned out extremely well, i would give up everything i have now to be in your shoes right now because it would have given me 13 more years of happiness that i missed out on.  As for your voice, you can start training it, hormones wont do much, thats another thing you can do while you wait to be 18.  As for your appearance, HRT makes some pretty big changes.  I went from an ugly fat guy to an average looking (some say attractive) woman but that was with hard work too. 

My advice is stop looking at all the things bad with your life and strive to make and meet future goals.  Your in a good position to make things happen and make them happen quick, dont lose time or energy feeling bad and seize the opportunity to make leaps in your life that later you will be proud of.

[jamie nicole]

ok so i had a friend over today (first time 3 months  ) now she knows about me and is very very supportive but i felt such a boy! its like everything from voice to my laugh! i h8 it i have been so programmed by society i can't feel happy ! and everyone says i should keep my grades up well consider this i have been so sad i have lost all my As and in fact am failing school because i can't bear it! i don't know what to do ! i can't find a way to let me free i.. i almost cried and ruined her fun day which made me feel worse because her parents are divorceing and she blames herself and that made me realise i need to fix this ! any tips  ? seriously anything ! tho keep in mind my mom would have a panic attack if i wore nail polish

you're taking the right steps coming out to friends.  we need to consider what is the root cause of the depression, and like all of us, it's the mismatch between body and mind.  It appears that this is in the forefront of your mind and reflecting negatively on every other aspect of your life.
I'll supply you a bit of my own story.  Years ago when I was getting ready to begin living fulltime, I only had 1 fear.  That fear was the thought of not ever seeing my son again, or very limited.  I already knew of the more than abundant horror stories of TS's having their children taken away, losing employment, being flat out discriminated by society.  This is what fueled my fear.  I almost knew for certain that my ex would take me to court and would be granted full and sole custody of our son.
I put off going full time for quite some time.....a couple years and it ate away at me like a parasite.  Then I got to a point, the stars were in complete alignment or some ->-bleeped-<-, but I absolutely could not take it anymore.....I had to proceed with my transition.
On a Thursday night when my ex came to my house to pick up our son, I told her.  I said I have something called GID and I'm not happy living this way, so I'm going to start living as the female I know I am.  What she told me completely blew my mind........"I already knew this when we were together".......it turns out my fears were completely self administered.  Afterwards, it felt like the weight of the entire world was off my shoulders and I never looked back.

You have a tremendous weight on your shoulders right now and the easiest way to remove it is to come completely out to everyone you know.  Inform them that you are not happy living as a male and that living as the female that you are, will make you so much happier.  Further inform them, that there are many many more just like you!
Some will understand, most will not.  You will lose friends, but you'll also gain many more.  Direct those that you come out to to different support websites (not this one though) where it provides more information on transsexuality. 
At some point or another, we've all had fears about what society thinks and to be honest, we have to nearly be antisocial to not give a ->-bleeped-<- about what society thinks of us......afterall, we have been gender socialized as soon as our parents knew of our "sex" and painted the room either blue or pink.
It takes alot of courage to come out but in the end, you'll be much much happier once that weight is removed from your shoulders!
hope this helps! 

[LilKittyCatZoey]

thanks girl and sowi should of said already on hrt but thanks

[cindianna_jones]

Think of school as part of your transition. Seriously. Give it priority above HRT. Money makes the world go round... and it pays for all the special medical needs we require.

The depression part is soooo hard to deal with. It can be a motivator though. Try and focus that mental thought towards something constructive. It can work if you really try.

Meanwhile, we've got big shoulders here to cry on. So let it all out if you feel the need. There is a truly wondeful group of people here who know exactly how you feel.

Cindi

[justmeinoz]

Depression is a bitch, but it is beatable.  You  know you have GID, so are a long way ahead of those of us who suffered it undiagnosed in the Dark Ages (1960s).  I just thought I was weird, if not going crazy.
As the others have said, just try and concentrate on doing well at school as a conscious part of the process of transition.  From there you can move to looking for a good job, to pay for it as soon as possible.

Karen.

[xXRebeccaXx]

Sorry to hear that but I kinda have the same problem. My mom would freak out if I even acted somewhat fem and I used to be an A student and now im a D student.

[LilKittyCatZoey]

thanks girl but its hard i mean at school i am always called a boy if its not hey lets do group talk boys go there girl there or ok all boys go help carry stuff ! but that's makes it worse cause i can't carry that stuff .. yea so its hard to concentrate but thanks