Fear of going "full time"

[ZeldaHeart]

Hi everyone.  Have you ever really wanted to do something, but just couldn't sum up the courage and intestinal fortitude to take that final step?  I'm really between a rock and a hard place right now, and would like some advice/stories/help.  For the past 22 months, I've been on spironolactone; for the past 14 months, estradiol.  The effects of these pills has come really really far.  So far, that to people that I've never met my gender is a mystery and am constantly being told I'm in the wrong bathroom.  It seems like this happens to everyone who takes estrogen for a certain amount of time and grows their hair longer.  Naturally, the next step seems like it should be dressing how I want to and expressing my true gender.  However, whenever I think about doing this, I become really happy and also feel very nervous and scared too.  Then I think "Oh, my hair's not long enough" and "I don't have enough clothes" and I step back and end up back stuck between that rock and hard place.  Any advice on how to take the leap and liberate the "me" that I keep inside?

[JungianZoe]

If there was some magical recipe, I'd give it to.  But sometimes the answer is simply to go out and do it!   The first day can be terrifying.  The first week not much better.  But after a month or so, you're probably going to feel like you fit right in to the world you want for yourself.  Little things will happen that will boost your confidence and each one will tell you that you're doing it--you're succeeding at living your dream.  After a couple months, you might even have that magical moment when you're out and about, and you completely forget that you're trans.  You'll just be a woman like any other woman, albeit with a "special" history.

It really is a jump, but with your looks, I know that you're going to be in for a soft landing.   One morning, get up, say you're going to do it, get dressed, and go somewhere that you can't get back home easily or immediately.  I wouldn't recommend going to work (like I did) unless you can get away with it (like I did) but perhaps to a mall.  You don't even have to go into a store!  Walk in, buy something at the food court, sit in the eating space, and just be around people.  Once you see the world from your new eyes and the worlds accepts you for who you are, this cycle becomes self-strengthening.  Before you know it, you'll wonder what you so afraid of in the first place.

[Forever21Chic]

Hi everyone.  Have you ever really wanted to do something, but just couldn't sum up the courage and intestinal fortitude to take that final step?  I'm really between a rock and a hard place right now, and would like some advice/stories/help.  For the past 22 months, I've been on spironolactone; for the past 14 months, estradiol.  The effects of these pills has come really really far.  So far, that to people that I've never met my gender is a mystery and am constantly being told I'm in the wrong bathroom.  It seems like this happens to everyone who takes estrogen for a certain amount of time and grows their hair longer.  Naturally, the next step seems like it should be dressing how I want to and expressing my true gender.  However, whenever I think about doing this, I become really happy and also feel very nervous and scared too.  Then I think "Oh, my hair's not long enough" and "I don't have enough clothes" and I step back and end up back stuck between that rock and hard place.  Any advice on how to take the leap and liberate the "me" that I keep inside?

   I know what you mean, i'm kinda in the same boat atm. I've been on HRT for 7 months now and im having a hard time passing as a male, it feels really weird going out in guy clothes now too. My therapist keeps trying to persuade me to go full time but i have alot of fears and concerns still just like you. Take your time, if you dont feel ready then don't.

     
   My advice is to go out with some friends for the first week, being around people that support you should make things easyier till you feel comfortable.

   Good luck hun! 

[Janet_Girl]

OK.  First the lies you are using a stop signs.

"Oh, my hair's not long enough"

"I don't have enough clothes"

Stop lying to yourself.  These are only stop signs that you are telling yourself.

Stop doing that.

Now the big hint.

I am constantly being told I'm in the wrong bathroom.

Ah, maybe you should see it for what it is.  You are in the wrong restroom. 

If that is really you in your avatar, why the HELL are you not fulltime, pretty girl.

Lastly.  Look at my signature.

It does not take bravery to transition.  It takes fear.  The fear of spending one more day in the wrong gender.

Fear yes!  Nervous?  Who isn't.

But there is a magic receipt.  Take some advise from Nike.



It does get easier, when you face your fear.

[ZeldaHeart]

All of the advice all of you have given is REALLY inspiring.  The motif of "Just do it" that two of you (Zoe and Janet) makes me feel stronger.  Ignoring the excuses and "stop signs" is what I should do, not heed them.  Forever21Chic, I'm with you on that boat.  Going out in guys' clothes DOES feel weird.  Sarah, the trust factor is super important.  Thank you.  Fear is a very crippling emotion/feeling. 

[Sianna]

Zelda, I'm on hormones for 3 month now, and i don't look nearly as good as you. Granted I have a good friend who was there for me when i tested the waters. Like, we went shopping etc together over the last few months. It helped to get some courage. But the last step, and to me the most terrifying, was to go to university as me. Well, I did it last week and I hadn't had any problems. No one looked at me funny, I actually felt looked at less often. You know, those awkward looks - gone! And if anyone clocked me, they never showed. No giggles, no stares, no whispering behind my back.

I feel so much more at peace and my self-confidence went through the roof. From what I can see in your pictures, no one would look twice at you. And if, because they only see an attractive girl

Like Irish Janet said, Just Do It! You will be rewarded.

[mechakitty]

Accidentally deleted my original reply...

But anyway, Zelda, you look like a cis-female. Full on. I'm not surprised people call you out for being in the wrong bathroom. I am not surprised that you have trouble passing as a guy to some people. Like someone else said earlier, you are already full-time. You probably come off as a girl who wears masculine clothing, if I'm not mistaken on that.

You look fabulous. Just be yourself, and you will feel so happy. 

[Erin H]

You should like totally go for it and go full time you look amazing so you should hehe.
If you go with some friends like shopping or out and about for the first few times then it should be easier to start going out your self.

Salisha x x

[SiobhanB]

As everyone else says, you just need to do it.  If you're really struggling though, start small.  If you drive a car, go and fill it up with fuel.  If not, go for a walk somewhere, try and find a friend to go with as talking with them will take your mind off what other people think or see.  As everyone else says if people look at you it will be because you're gorgeqous!

So jealous...

Siobhan.

[MarinaM]

Go find videos of confident girls who you think don't pass, but are full time. They have some things to teach the rest of us.

[Bird]

Just do it Zelda
I went full time two weeks ago with shortish hair and a very small wardrobe.

It was the right choice for me. Ifyou feel, in a rational way,it is the right choice for you, don't let fear or insecurity hold you back.

[azSam]

Honestly Zelda. These people aren't lying. You look 100% like a girl, you're even very very pretty, you should totally embrace it. If you want to live as female, now is the time. You shouldn't have any problems.

[Maddie Secutura]

Or here's an alternative: don't worry about stepping out as a woman, just go about your day as yourself.  The world will get the hint.

I never had a concrete full time date.  I still wear jeans and t-shirts.  I've even been known to break out a tie every now and then (full windsor is the only way to go).  Just be yourself, the rest will fall into place.

[ZeldaHeart]

Thank you for your very sweet compliments and inspiring advice, everyone.  I am now planning on going 100% full time in the fall.  I have told my family about this and they're all being very supportive.  Even with the chance of being embarrassed in public/mis-gendered, does it feel better than when you were pretty much faking it as males?  It almost feels like it'll lift a huge weight off of my shoulders, but also be nerve-wracking at the same time.  Or maybe it'll be so uneventful that it will just feel like every day life as I know it.  How did it initially feel?  Maddie, your advice about letting the world take the hint is wonderful.  Thank you.

[MarinaM]

I,  for some ungodly reason, am vanish proof. I get ma'am and sir on an equal basis, andI I dispute neither. A waste of breath. This is what they mean when they say "be yourself, " the perceptions of other people can only be helped along so far. I use the name Emma, I wear what I want, I just live like I want to, except for the being poor part. Less people take me for male little by little. It's an improvement over the other experience.

Nerve wracking?  Surely. But my nerves were pretty much already shot.

[Forever21Chic]

I am now planning on going 100% full time in the fall.

   
   Congrats zelda! Looks like we both had the same plan about going full time in the fall.     


     

[Maddie Secutura]

Thank you for your very sweet compliments and inspiring advice, everyone.  I am now planning on going 100% full time in the fall.  I have told my family about this and they're all being very supportive.  Even with the chance of being embarrassed in public/mis-gendered, does it feel better than when you were pretty much faking it as males?  It almost feels like it'll lift a huge weight off of my shoulders, but also be nerve-wracking at the same time.  Or maybe it'll be so uneventful that it will just feel like every day life as I know it.  How did it initially feel?  Maddie, your advice about letting the world take the hint is wonderful.  Thank you.

You're quite welcome.     For me, full time was no longer hearing sir.  It wasn't up to me, it was up to pretty much everyone else.  I was only ever me.  Although hearing ma'am more and more often was a sign that I was more and more on my way to 100%.  It was all really uneventful to tell the truth.  Heck even my classmates started referring to me as "she" and they'd known me from before transition. 

That said, from my point of view and regardless of what clothes you wear, you're pretty much full time right now.

[Jennie]

Hi Zelda, there is not much I can say because it has all been said but I will repeat what the others have said---  You look great, I do not see any male in your avitar picture, you look like a 100% girl, through and through, no wonder people tell you that your using the wrong bathroom.
I could only dream of looking as nice and feminin as you do, you are a insparation for us all.
Aloha from Hawaii.

Jennie

[Ayaname]

Judging by all the pictures I've seen of you, I can't imagine anybody thinking you are anything but a natal woman unless you have a voice like Morgan Freeman or something.

[marelivki]

Judging by all the pictures I've seen of you, I can't imagine anybody thinking you are anything but a natal woman unless you have a voice like Morgan Freeman or something.

Having a masculine voice is very important issue, and you don't have to sound like Morgan Freeman so people would know you are transsexual. You (the author of the post) should work on your voice, so it would sound at least middle-sex. It's often ignored, but dont do that