tension when shopping for clothes

[Princess of Hearts]

I don't know about you, but I find shopping for certain clothing items quite stressful.    You will probably think that there is nothing unusual in this and you are right.  I can quite happily browse the lingerie section without feeling self-conscious even when I know that I am not going to buy anything.  Yet, when I want to have a look at the skirt/trousers/blouse etc area I always feel really tense and I am convinced that I stand out and everyone is watching my every movement.    I wonder why this is, surely it is much more intimadating to be in the lingerie section browsing through the racks of panties and bras than looking at the skirts for example?   I have even waited in a queue waiting to pay for my frillies with teenage girls in front of me and behind me, and if I can do that why do I feel so awkward in other parts of the shop.    I have even asked sales assistants 'do you have this bra in a size xx', and ' what price are these knickers?'  I once had a great experience in M&S.   If you are British you will remember that diamond opaque tights were fashionable a few years ago.   I asked a woman in M&S 'do you sell diamond opaque tights?'  She took me to where they were displayed and asked 'what colour and size are you looking for'?   I told her and she and I perused the selection together.  It was great I wasn't the least bit nervous and the assistant couldn't have been nicer.   I really didn't care if she knew these tights were for me and she didn't care that she was helping a 'man' purchase tights.

I was with my sister today and I bought a really great skirt.   My sister whispered in my ear' ask if you can try it on'.   

[Medusa]

I used to have a fear from shopping, it might be pro forcing to buy male clothes even if feel it is inadequate, or maybe just fear of people.
I try few months to walk thru shops at least once a week, just go inside, walk thru main corridor and go out. After some time I walked even between racks, touching and looking at things. Now I can put skirt or anything on me fine, I can try shoes, ... just small boutique where is just bored girl and looking at you suspiciously is problem 

[justmeinoz]

If you are a regular customer at the same place you should get used to the surroundings and find it more comfortable.  As far as the staff are concerned you are the most important person in the world, a customer with money to spend.
Just a matter of practice I would say.  Are there any smaller places you shop at where you could get to know the staff?  That way it becomes more of a social outing. 
It gets better.  Then it gets to be fun!

Karen.

[Cindy]

I have felt the same way. But the time it finished was when I was in boy mode looking at a skirt and an assistant asked what size are you looking for I said a ten and she well try the 12 on as well because they are a tight cut. Certainly boosted my confidence. I've also had an assistant knock on the door and ask what the dress size was like and I said it was too small, and she brought a larger size, and then checked me out wearing it - in a helpful and nice way. They do want to make the sale.

Cindy

[N.Chaos]

I know this post hasn't been touched in a bit, but I felt like posting. So, yeah.
I get so panicked when I have to try clothes on. Especially because unless its shorts, I can only find womens' jeans that fit the way I want. So I'm always just...terrified there's going to be a huge scene or something. I only go out looking for pants with my girlfriend, so I don't look weird browsing the chick section (or, worse, so they don't assume I'm just a strange looking girl with a soul patch)  but once I get to the fitting room I have to bite back the urge to run the hell out of there. Luckily, I only really shop at one store, and the guys' fitting room is pretty secluded.

[fionabell]

I'm socially anxious.  basically I'm crapping myself anywhere, consequently I can't tell when I'm more tense or why.

[kelly_aus]

This thread makes me giggle.. If you think doing it as an adult is hard.. Try doing it when you are 12 or 13.. I did..

[Cindy]

This thread makes me giggle.. If you think doing it as an adult is hard.. Try doing it when you are 12 or 13.. I did..

Yea but you are a wild chick

[lilacwoman]

teenage testo gave me the big hands and deep voice and working in male mode gave me the muscles so when I had to start buying female stuff it was a nightmare and I've actually been asked to leave dress shops, shoes shops, hairdressers etc. 
so many bigots about who want nothing to do with what they saw as CD/TV/ perv/freak.
even though I had the money ready and waiting they preferred to lose sales than deal with me.
the UK shops now have to live by the anti-discrimination rules or else.
E and hard work has made me nicely passable so now I have a nice circle of local shops where I and my money are welcomed.

[Cindy]

I think things have changed, certainly in Australia I've never had problems. I've been measured for bras, and have walked into a shop wearing a male suit and saying 'I have to try those heels, in the window', with no problems. Know a days I just present as me and don't give a damn what people think.

Cindy

[Catherine Sarah]

You're absolutely right Cindy,

Was in my local Noami B shop the other day in boy mode. Saw this absolutely gorgeous black and white skirt; the sales assistance asked who it was for, I said, for me, and she said did I want to try it on. I politely declined and said I would return the next day dressed. And when I did, it was no holds barred. The shop was mine. (And my credit card was theirs LOL) (Only $250 after the 30% discount BUT OH so nice)

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[BlonT]

Yes shopping can be expensive But fun do.  As for sales assistants most are young and most know or have friends who are TG or CD  so the don't look so surprised. If the do and it not because the are grumpy, i say idiots and go to the next shop but that is very rare.

[Felix]

Hey people. I've never thought about how it might feel for an MtF to go clothes shopping. It sounds scary and potentially fun.

I get most of my clothes from free tables and dumpsters, but I occasionally buy things from thrift stores, and I sometimes go in shops just to look. When I'm in the men's section sometimes I feel self-conscious, because I don't know what I'm doing, and because almost nothing fits me. I'm so small. Plus I'm still getting used to how guys interact in places like that. It's different than the way we talk as neighbors or if we meet on the street.

Practice is good. I used to chicken out sometimes, and now I don't. Also, most businesses are more accepting and helpful than you might expect. You are a customer, after all.

[Susan Baum]

I think things have changed, certainly in Australia I've never had problems. I've been measured for bras, and have walked into a shop wearing a male suit and saying 'I have to try those heels, in the window', with no problems. Know a days I just present as me and don't give a damn what people think.

Cindy

Shopping can be a frightening experience - I find it to be liberating and exhilarating. 

Last week I saw the cutest pumps screaming my name in a better women's store.  I just had to try them on and the markdown was ridiculous but not only was I in boy mode, I was wearing hiking boots because of the muck... 

Finding a clerk, I asked if they had the turquoise and black in 12 or 13? 
She led me to a seat.  Need booties?  She fitted the shoes to my feet without batting an eye - which was not so true of some of the customers as I stood and walked over to the mirror. 
It was something of a high as I watched a handful of "elite" ladies watch me as I browsed further.  Did they think I'd wobble like a school girl?  Walk like a "Man?"  Oooh, Sorry to disappoint. 

Do I really care what they think? 

Susan
p.s. I wore the ones that originally caught my eye out the door.

[Catherine Sarah]

When I'm in the men's section sometimes I feel self-conscious, because I don't know what I'm doing, and because almost nothing fits me. I'm so small. Plus I'm still getting used to how guys interact in places like that. It's different than the way we talk as neighbors or if we meet on the street.

Hi Felix,

Just let me say how good you look, and how fabulously well you pass.
Shopping MtF is all fun. Nothing scary at all. I just love it. Even the sales assistant that tell me I'm in the wrong shop I love to have fun with. Although they are becoming few and far between now.

Now onto your point. If you are that small, you might like to try children or young adult size shops for better success.

As for the attitude you should develop for male shopping. Just remember men are the 'hunter gathers'. Don't stop to ask questions, just shoot it, bag it, and drag it home. It doesn't matter whether it fits or not. Don't even bother feeling it, trying it on is totally out of the question, and (horror of all horrors) don't compare it with anything that looks vaguely similar. You'll be 'clocked' straight away. And by your guessing your age, you can get away with lots of "Hey dude, that looks cool", if a sales assistant is giving you grief.

Hope this helps. In the meantime be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

[JennX]

Shopping has the direct opposite effect for me. I feel totally relaxed, and content when out shopping. No tension anywhere for me.

[Felix]

I forgot to say thank you for the input, Catherine.

[Cindy]

Hi Felix,

When I was buying guy clothes I was also too small for the 'average man' which is good now but another pain then. I did find some men's clothes shops, rather than the stores, carried smaller sizes. They also seemed to be very courteous, I think because they did not want to offend 'small' guys, and of course it is a niche market so you tend to go back to those stores. Prices BTW were just about equivalent, and quality and service were better, and again they are use to the run in run out shopping that guys tend to do. Many where I am have woman shop assistants, I think because they can say, that suits you, without insulting transphobic customers

Cindy

[Mahsa Tezani]

I had plenty of GG's help me.

Eventually I watched them and wore what they wore.

[tekla]

I had plenty of GG's help me.

Yeah, that little scrunched up nose and shaking the head 'no' spoke volumes to me. Plus it changed my 'hunter/gather' tenancy into something more closely approaching that of a team sport.  And so it was not just the feedback I was getting on my choice, combined with their choices for me, but all I learned by shopping with the girls, which turns out to be shopping for all the girls at the same time.  Your not just looking for what looks good on you, or what you like - but what would be good for the other people in the group too.  I'm not just shopping with Dina and Polly and myself, I'm shopping for Dina, Polly and myself.