Beginning to cope

[Lark]

Hi. My genetic gender is male, but I've always felt left out somehow. I stuffed this feeling away for years. I went through depression so severe that I came within inches of committing suicide. After this there was some relief, though never the relief that there had been pre-puberty. Finally I found a person (my aunt) who I could confide in. Even then I kept this part of myself a secret out of habit, but I began, bit by bit, to make recoveries. Finally, a few days ago, I came out to my aunt. Her reaction was typical for her, she's a self proclaimed "fixer." She tried to "fix it." I had expected this, but not in the way that she reacted. She wanted me to try to give this up. I told her I had been trying for 15 years. "I'm 21. I have had these feelings since I was six. You'd think if I could give it up, I would have by now." I'm deeply spiritual and into non-attachment to feelings, etc., but I cannot get rid of this part of myself. So we talked, and I came out to my parents and step-parents, and I currently have an appointment at my therapist to see what can be done. I'm a bit worried that they may think that this is just a symptom of my diagnosis. I believe that my stuffing of my gender identity is the CAUSE of my other problems. I just hope that they can see it that way too and that I'll be able to find some resolution for this.
Anyway, wish me luck.
Lark

[Sarah Louise]

Welcome and good luck Lark.

I hope you take advantage of all the support tools available here at Susans.

Sarah L.

[passiflora]

Hi Lark, welcome, I'm farily new here also. Starting theraphy is a good thing, you can figure out all those problems and see whats caused by GID and or other things.

lots of good help here

smiles,
-pass-

[Lucy]

Hi Lark, there are lots of people here in the same situation as u here like myself. I hope u find what u are looking 4. I find the experience of the others here invaluable. Good luck

[Kelly-47]

I'm deeply spiritual and into non-attachment to feelings, etc., but I cannot get rid of this part of myself.

Lark,

This is were I am at too. I have been exploring the notion that this...circumstance, is designed to lead or motivate to higher spiritual awareness; and, as a function of the ego, would leave along with it. I am finding that not to be the case. Even during intense meditation, when the ego has left the house, there is a very strong female presence. Maybe even more pronounced as the mask falls away. This is leading me to the conclusion that GID is a biological issue and not mental; something to be accepted and embraced, not purged.

You have taken two very big first steps: seeking comfort and support in community, and more importantly, guidance from a professional. Your journey has begun.

Welcome to Susan's,

Kelly

[Lucy]

Wow. Nicley said.thats quite something

[Melissa-kitty]

Welcome!!
Don't mistake non-attachment for no feelings or preferences. Things are for you now as they are. Don't wish them away, or decide it should best be one way or another. We have all tried that, and it doesn't work. Observe, with patience. Feel. Be real. Breathe. Be compassionate towards yourself.
I, too, find that most of my problems seem to be from "pretending to be a boy", trying to pass as one, and the reactions that I had to myself, as I wasn't supposed to be what I really am. You can feel good about who you are, and will, given some good care and some luck!
Hugs!

[tinkerbell]

Hello Lark and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  I'm sure you will find plenty of valuable information here, so please take a second to explore all the forums of the site, review the site rules, and visit the wiki which is a goldmine of information on its own.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay!


tinkerbell

[Lark]

Thanks for all the support.  I've been to the counsellor now, but now I have a new problem. I've found some help on the chat, so if you saw the earlier message, I guess I kinda fibbed. Sorry!

[SusanKay140]

Welcome Lark,

You've already had some luck - you found this site.  It sounds if you have some help in dealing with what you are dealing with.  That's more luck.  A lot of friends are here as well to help you as you discover and help yourself.

Susan Kay