Life.....

[Wild Flower]

I'm not going to transition for now, since it isn't what I need at this point of my life. My life, for me, feels like I'm dead inside living among the alive.  I have no emotions right now, and it's been like this for a couple of weeks. I have everything I wanted at this point, and I feel overall content with how my life has been heading. It could be better, but it could be worse too.

I'm living with my boyfriend, rent-free and he's supportive of what I want in my life. I'm going to college soon, I have a grant, and I'm trying to get a loan (when I don't even need it). I have a job. I may have to take two remedial classes, but that doesn't matter much to me because I'll catch up in the summer time. I'll graduate on time I am sure, and then I'll go to medical school.

I'm looking forward to education because that seems that's all there is for my life... well it could be worse like I said. I know a lot of people would be happy to be in my shoes...

But I guess I feel lethargic and sad because I'm not like enjoying the process, and I'm just here wishing my life was more exciting. I was at my happiest when I went homeless, and went from place to place to just sleep at night... last month.

I don't know... maybe I'm clinically depressed.

[justmeinoz]

If you have felt like this for more than a couple of weeks constantly it definitely sounds like Depression.  It doesn't need a reason to arise either, sometimes it just seems to happen because it can.
Best advice, see your GP for a referral to a psychologist and nip it in the bud.  Anti-depressants help but they are just a first aid measure until you can get to grips with the underlying causes.
Better than feeling like that for 40+ years, off and on.

Karen.

[A]

I'm not even trying to be a doctor or anything, but I have seen a person who reminds me of you a little - need excitement, ups and downs, decide things then change plans...

That woman was happy to be diagnosed and successfully treated for her borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder (she had both so they're hard to differentiate for me); it helped her feel better with her life, and her depression and urges are all smoothed now.

I'm not saying I'm sure you have that - even a doctor wouldn't diagnose from a few forum posts - but maybe you should consider trying to find out if you have a problem somewhere - not just about gender. "Not having emotions", in particular, sounds preoccupying to me.

[regan]

But I guess I feel lethargic and sad because I'm not like enjoying the process, and I'm just here wishing my life was more exciting. I was at my happiest when I went homeless, and went from place to place to just sleep at night... last month.

I hate to tell you, but life (as adult) is pretty boring.  You wake up, you go to work, you pay bills, you do that over and over again for pretty much most of your adult life.  When you're not busy working, you try to spend a little time with your friends and family.  You find ways of making it exciting, but the actual mechanics of it are pretty boring.

[Alexmakenoise]

I hate to tell you, but life (as adult) is pretty boring.  You wake up, you go to work, you pay bills, you do that over and over again for pretty much most of your adult life.  When you're not busy working, you try to spend a little time with your friends and family.  You find ways of making it exciting, but the actual mechanics of it are pretty boring.

I disagree.  Adolescence can be boring because you live with your family and may not have the freedom to pursue things that are of interest to you.  But once you are an adult, and are able to live on your own and support yourself, you have the freedom to make your life as exciting as you want. 

Of course you have to work, but work can be as exciting as you want.  There are plenty of exciting lines of work out there, and if you're not in one of those fields yet, you can use your curiosity and ingenuity to make your current job more interesting.

Anyway, if you work 40 - 50 hours a week, work takes up less than half of your waking hours.  That means whatever you do outside of work can be what your life is really all about. 

Do what you love, try things you're curious about, be open to meeting new people and sharing in their experiences, and your life will shape up to be about as exciting as you want it to be.

[regan]

I disagree.

Better said...

But I think the underlying point is still the same, the "idea" of being an adult (when you're not one) is far more exciting then the actual mechanics of it.

Sure you only work 40 - 50 hours a week, but you also have to sleep 8 - 10 hours a day.  You have to drive to and from work, you have to shop for groceries, you have to do laundry, etc.  Becoming an adult puts a serious dent in the amount of free time you had before "becoming" an adult.  So yeah, the actual mechanics of being and adult are pretty boring compared to what we all dreamed it would be growing up.

[A]

Isn't "50 hours per week" of work kind of a lot? I was pretty sure the "standard" work hours were 35-40.

[regan]

Isn't "50 hours per week" of work kind of a lot? I was pretty sure the "standard" work hours were 35-40.

My "average" is 56, right now its more like 68 (I work 24 hours at a time), but that's about average for most people anyways (around 60 hours a week).

[Ann Onymous]

Isn't "50 hours per week" of work kind of a lot? I was pretty sure the "standard" work hours were 35-40.

not in the salaried world...admittedly, I generally stay under 60 hours a week but could easily do 80-100 if I really looked at counting time on the road traveling to meet with clients (who are located all over the State). 

The flip side is that the IRS is only aware of roughly $350K per year in income...so there is a balancing that takes place.

[tekla]

Isn't "50 hours per week" of work kind of a lot?

Do you want to make money?  You have to work more than 40 hours a week if you want to make more than base rate.  in the salaried world - also known as: Management Exempt - you going to be working more than 40, that's the whole point of putting you on salary.  In the union world it's all about the OT baby.  That's where we make our money.  All the people I know who are really working, doing something they love successfully are all putting in 60-80 hours a week.  Easy. 

[A]

Either I've kind of been deluded for all my life, either it's literally different in the US than here. The only person I know who works significantly more than 40 hours a week is my farmer uncle, and that's just because he's too devoted to give more job to employees. My secretary mother has always worked about 35 hours a week, and even my father who works 12-hour shifts at a factory, which is pretty much the worst schedule you can find, does 56 hours a week in average, and he doesn't quite have a life outside work. And I'm pretty sure people working "full-time" average 30~40 hours a week. Thinking of it, I don't know how it could work if every worker were doing 65 hours a week. Wouldn't we run out of jobs even more than now? I remember the job I had at a small department job... The most ancient employee, with 15 years of experience there, could only get a maximum of 32 hours per week.

It's either that and it's different here or I've been terribly confused on all work is about all my life. Anyway, all that to say I'd die if I had to work 50 hours a week and have any responsibilities beyond that... No, really, except in factories and farms (and very busy people like politicians and doctors), I can't really think of people doing a huge number of work hours unless they are looking for it.

tekla: What's OT?. Also, I don't understand about the thing about working more than 40 hours a week is the point..? And I'm still not sure I understand what the "salaried world" is precisely. Management exempt? You mean where you are not a boss?

Ann Onymous: Whoa, wait. You work 24 hours straight? Just like that? Isn't that dangerous? And even if it's not, is it not really unefficient to work for so long at a time? And whoa, wait again. Are you saying you make 350 000$ a year? Whoa, what are you, a surgeon?

I must say all your posts are profoundly shocking me. By working so much, don't you get increasingly tired, and doesn't your life become work and only work? Are the US really so hard a place to live in?

Added: Wait, I think we're shamelessly hijacking a thread here. ._.

[Alexmakenoise]

Sure you only work 40 - 50 hours a week, but you also have to sleep 8 - 10 hours a day.  You have to drive to and from work, you have to shop for groceries, you have to do laundry, etc. 

168 hours in a week minus 56 hours of sleep (8 per night) = 112 waking hours
112 waking hours minus 50 hours of work = 62 hours of your own time

Shopping and chores don't have to take up that much of your free time, or be all that unpleasant.  It's all about how you manage your time and whether or not you make an effort to make your chores and shopping enjoyable.

Becoming an adult puts a serious dent in the amount of free time you had before "becoming" an adult.  So yeah, the actual mechanics of being and adult are pretty boring compared to what we all dreamed it would be growing up.

I can see where you're coming from.  When you're a kid, it's easy to imagine that you'll grow up to be famous and live some dream of a life.  The reality you face during adulthood is that you have to work really, really hard and be pretty lucky to become just as rich and famous as you dreamed of being when you were a kid. 

Then comes the realization that life can be pretty fantastic and dream-like if you simply work hard, do things you care about, and just generally make an effort to live a good life. 

Perhaps the mark of adulthood is when you realize that you don't have to be the exact thing you dreamed of when you were a kid in order to live the way you dreamed of, in terms of what matters.

[tekla]

nope I not management, but I have been, so I know that out.  OT, overtime.  I'm the crew chief, and sometimes steward, which is not a boss in a traditional sense.  Everyone on the crew gets paid the same.  I just book them (for which I get an extra hour of pay) and do the paperwork so everyone can get paid.  OT = time and half after 8 hours, double time after 12. 

It takes us anywhere from 10-18 hours to put on a concert.  Sometimes, but very rarely under that.  A lot of the work is intense furry surrounded by extreme boredom.  The most I've ever worked there was 20 hours in a day for Blue Man Group.  It seems like a lot, because it is, but then again I walk out of there with money = to about 4 days pay.   The people who were doing the big outdoor show last weekend (and tearing it down today) they were putting in 15 hour days back to back to back to back.  They were sleeping out in the park, just like I craw into my office and crash after a big show when we have another on coming in the next day.  I've spend up to five days where I never leave that building except to walk around it and use another door.  Movie shoots tend to be 20 days as an industry standard.  15 or more hour days, no days off (work on every 6th straight day starts at time and a half), you sleep where you fall basically.  (nah, we all have camping equipment).  So I work a lot when I work, but then I have lots of time off too (about half the year).

[Ann Onymous]

Ann Onymous: Whoa, wait. You work 24 hours straight? Just like that? Isn't that dangerous? And even if it's not, is it not really unefficient to work for so long at a time? And whoa, wait again. Are you saying you make 350 000$ a year? Whoa, what are you, a surgeon?

I must say all your posts are profoundly shocking me. By working so much, don't you get increasingly tired, and doesn't your life become work and only work? Are the US really so hard a place to live in?

rare is the instance I have had to pull an all-nighter, but on occasion I have come close...I do a lot of 10-12 hour days when everything is factored in, but not all of that is time actually spent in the office.  I also have a tendency to spend some time in the office on weekends.  I probably would fit most conventional definitions of being a 'workaholic' but I do also still find time to play...

And no, not in the medical field...I'm in a niche area of criminal defense.  Our clients pay well.  Obviously I did not start out with that level of annual earning capacity...rather it comes with having a very specific skill-set held by probably fewer than a half-dozen people in the State.  It is also one of the reasons I can command what I do in cases where I am engaged as an expert witness...I can get my half-day minimum even if I only spend ten minutes on the stand.     

[regan]

Ann Onymous: Whoa, wait. You work 24 hours straight? Just like that? Isn't that dangerous? And even if it's not, is it not really unefficient to work for so long at a time? And whoa, wait again. Are you saying you make 350 000$ a year? Whoa, what are you, a surgeon?

Actually I'm the one who works 24 hours...I've made enough references to what I do in other posts it should be easy enough to figure it out (and the air of mystery is pretty fun too) 

[cindianna_jones]

I remember pulling 100 hour weeks for a couple of years a few years ago. There were times when I'd go to work and not come home for days at a time. I had a little "bedroom" at work they made up for me. Did I get any overtime? uh... what's overtime?  I was on salary and on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

But back you your problem luv. You sound like you are either bored or depressed. Try to figure out which it is. There are solutions for either. Personally, I have the bipolar kind and won't take any meds for it. I love the highs I get. Sure, I feel in the dumps a lot but when a high comes along, I do wonderful things. I reinvent myself and start something new. It's a wonderful feeling.... and that's what gets me through the low times.

[tekla]

Actually I'm the one who works 24 hours
Actually there are a lot of people who are basically 'on' 24 hours a day.  Guys on rock tours - you might not be working that second, but it's not like you can go home or go out and party, or go to the beach.  Lot's of people on call.  Next time you go to a hospital look at how tired some of those people are, they pull huge shifts.  There are people on job-site locations all over the world and when I did that we worked 12 hour days, six days a week and went in on our off day too because there really wasn't that much to do, and our working environment was far nicer and more stimulating than the living arrangements - and we had a bitching time off deal, and it was pretty much expected that we'd work like dogs for 3 weeks solid, then get five days off, in Europe.  I mean the people who work a lot of hours get some great perks for doing it.

The guys who head up major corporations and their minions?  I don't much like them, but I sure can't call them lazy, the put in modo hours, as do rising young executives.  When I worked in government relations at the university I could start calling DC and finding people at their desks at 6am, and they would be there past 6 every night.  Often Saturday too.  Most of the university professors put in 60 hours on campus every week, between classes, meetings (god did we have meetings), labs, and/or research offices (having a little room all to myself in the heart of the library was beyond awesome) and their office hours at the main office.

Long haul truck drivers, and plenty of short haul ones do hours that are actually illegal.  And that's not even counting the number of Uhaul trucks filled with stuff being driven by amateurs on no=sleep schedule.  Anyone who is running their own business is going to be doing far in excess of 60 hours a week. 

And I'm not even into minimum wage land yet, where you have to work 70-80 hours a week just to get by, and at that you most likely are not making the OT stuff, minimum wage don't work like that.  You have to work two-three places, bit here, bit there to get your hours, so that the time you ain't spending at work you're spending chasing work, or hustling between jobs.

[Wild Flower]

I hate to tell you, but life (as adult) is pretty boring.  You wake up, you go to work, you pay bills, you do that over and over again for pretty much most of your adult life.  When you're not busy working, you try to spend a little time with your friends and family.  You find ways of making it exciting, but the actual mechanics of it are pretty boring.

Lol... my life can never be that boring... I'm doing a part time job and college at the moment now. It's ok, for the most part...

I'm in saving mode right now.