Jealous & happy for my ex at the same time

[Jayne]

I saw my ex last week at the bus stop & she was flirting with a bloke she sees there every night after work, it was obvious that they were both interested in each other, I went back to her house for a drink & chat, she admitted that she keeps forgetting to give him her number so I advised her to write her number down & put it in her purse next to her bus ticket so she would see it when she got on the bus & remember to give it to him.

Yesterday I spoke to her & she was over the moon that they've had a night of fun now & it's left me emotionaly confused, they arent a couple, just two adults enjoying each others company, I was very happy for her but also very depressed as this left me feeling very lonely when it hit home that she is able to take the final step of getting over me whilst I will not be able to take that step for at least a couple of years, also now that she is happy about having some company she will also be getting my dog in a month or so when I move into a cheaper place.
Right now it feels like my life is falling apart around my ears, the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that i'm finaly taking steps to become the woman that I know I should have been born as.

Has anyone else helped an ex to move on & find someone?
Has anyone else felt both happy & sad about an ex moving on? This may sound like a silly question from a 36yr old but i've this is the only relationship i've ever been in so i've never had to deal with a break up before & don't know if these feelings are normal.

[AbraCadabra]

* Has anyone else felt both happy & sad about an ex moving on? This may sound like a silly question from a 36yr old but i've this is the only relationship i've ever been in so i've never had to deal with a break up before & don't know if these feelings are normal. *

Well, when I was exactly your age 36, I had to.
Not that I had to HELP her, but rather HELP myself!

Since I didn't know at that stage the seriousness of my GID condition, I just suffered my sadness like being in purgatory. Burned in hell.
Later on I realised, much, much later, that she was being set up, my myself being set up, using her as my "proxy" girl.
She had to be what I could not be --- at least at the time.

One day, going over this "I love you still so much" stuff, I realised, that if I REALLY loved her that much as I thought --- I had to have the best for HER in mind,  AND THAT BEST WAS NOT TO BE WITH ME.
This for me was a quantum leap, and it helped me to let go and turn to be happy for her --- rather then being all sad and needy myself.

Maybe you got there already, it's my story some 2 years after my divorce then 36.

Axelle

[Janet_Girl]

I would love my ex to find someone and get married again.  She could have someone other than "Bud" in her life and I could quit paying for "Bud".

[Hikari]

I know this may sound horrible, but I never, ever would help my ex find someone else if I weren't over them. Seems a bit like emotional seppuku to me. 

Truth be told, I have helped a few exes I was totally over hook up with people, but I have to admit I was mainly doing it because I knew that it was a terrible person that they were trying to get with, and I think some part of me wanted to see them get hurt. I don't think I will be doing that again either, I was immature at the time, but I think I have grown up a bit since highschool.

[annette]

You know what I think Jane, I think you have a big heart and a very mature attitude to your ex wife.
Your grants her a new life even though it does hurt you.
I make a deep bow to you.
You're definitely not selfish.

Even tough it's painfull for you and I'm sorry for that.

hugs
Annette

[Jayne]

You know what I think Jane, I think you have a big heart and a very mature attitude to your ex wife.
Your grants her a new life even though it does hurt you.
I make a deep bow to you.
You're definitely not selfish.

Even tough it's painfull for you and I'm sorry for that.

hugs
Annette

Thanks for your kind words, I think the reason I did it is because I have an overactive guilt reflex, every time I do something wrong to someone it eats away at me until I either apologise or find some way to make it up to them. So this means that it wasn't an entirely selfless act.
I spoke to her yesterday & in spite of my suggestion they still havn't gotten around to exchanging numbers but at least I tried to help.

Hikari - I'm over her emotionaly, we are just good friends now, the jealousy & upset it caused me is because I can't physicaly move until my transition is complete, hence my feelings of extreme loneliness when I saw how happy this man had made her.
Talk about complicated 

[Cen]

Has anyone else helped an ex to move on & find someone?
Has anyone else felt both happy & sad about an ex moving on? This may sound like a silly question from a 36yr old but i've this is the only relationship i've ever been in so i've never had to deal with a break up before & don't know if these feelings are normal.

Well, she moved on without any help.  It took me a lot longer.  I was glad she'd found someone right for her, but it really left me low for several months.  We tried to remain on friendly terms, but I couldn't handle it and eventually cut off contact.  I still found myself thinking about her over a year afterwards.  It just took a lot longer than I would've expected to really get over it.  Having that space and time away from her did eventually help me move on, though.

[tekla]

I was told once by someone much smarter than me (not hard) that it takes as long to get out as it did to get in.  Which means if it took your ex a half a year to get over it, and it took you a year and a half, then she was out of it a solid year before you even had a clue.

When I was going through all of that my lawyer found a bunch of money that my ex had hid.  My money at that.  I never went after it, which boggled him to no end.  Right up until the divorce was final and I faxed all those papers to the IRS.  She not only lost all of it, but five years later is still having her paychecks garnished to pay the fines.  Which is kinda sad.  I was hoping for jail.