the huge surprise

[lucaluca]

so i asked myself how your family and friends reacted, when you came out.
for years they only saw a man. you were a brother, a son, maybe a husband.
if you tell your family that you are gay, it could be a really big shock to them, but you won't change in such a huge way. so there is only the shock, that you love men and not women. but when you tell them, that you are transsexual, after you were the quarterback, had a lot of girlfriends etc., just have been a real man(all just examples  ) how did they react, when you told them, that you are transsexual?
did they see it coming? did they understand?

do you understand what i mean? i don't ask to hear if they were accepting or not. i ask, because i want to know, what they thought about it.

[Alyssa91]

My dad understood, but my mom didn't. Neither one of them thought I was serious though, and I don't think either of them believe me still. If I could have done something differently about coming out it would have been to be less discrete about how I was feeling. I covered it up so well that telling them how I felt hit them like a ton of bricks, and caught them completely off-guard.

[Constance]

My parents and brothers were caught off guard, but have been supportive in their own ways. I got married right out of high school and completely took on the role of husband and father, completely burying the idea that I had the luxury to pursue my own dreams while my wife and I raised them.

So after nearly 23 years of marriage, they were shocked, yes.

My wife wasn't as surprised, as she'd said I'd seemed somewhat effeminate when we first met.

[Marissadear]

both of my parents were verbally accepting and understanding when i came out to them. my younger brother did not take it well. i mentioned it a few times to my parents growing up, but i was assured puberty and hormones were to blame, i feel my parents havent truly accepted it yet because they are having trouble coping (i still live at home) i hid myself throughout my childhood, grasping at a life i thought i was supposed to have, i think Alyssa is right that this makes it harder on them. if i could go back i would have been myself even when it conflicted with society's acceptance.

[Emily Ray]

My parents were not at all surprised even though I hadn't seen them in 8 years. My mom said she feels like she was an absent parent when I was younger and didn't see the signs that I remember showing. My mom was giving me hand me downs from her closet three days after telling her.

Huggs

Emily

[Vincent E.S.]

I came out as a gay transguy, so my parents got a double whammy. 

Anyway, my parents both say they never suspected a thing even though I haven't acted remotely girly since kindergarten, and my mother kept asking me if I was a lesbian for many years. She even asked me once a long time ago if I wanted to be a boy (I said 'no' out of fear), but now she says that that was just because she knew something was wrong and was grasping at every straw she could find.

My mom is a bit of a rollercoaster person. She had the worst time when I came out and cited various examples of me going up to strangers as a preschooler and informing them that I was a girl, but now she's understanding things better and will correct my dad's pronouns (she even used my chosen name when getting on to me for something! ). My dad has stayed about the same this whole time - not really understanding, but trying to be respectful. Then again, he's the one who really wanted a daughter, so it makes since that this would be hard for him.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

I've come out three different times to my parents, each time as something different.  I suppose that after the first two times coming out (first as gay, then as transgender) coming out as lesbian was almost laughably easy.

By the last time, they sort of saw it coming.  As I've transitioned, I've become a lot more queer,  and a natural extension of that was gradually changing my identification from purely straight female transsexual to transfeminine gynephilic genderfluid, leaning heavily towards female.  In day-to-day interactions, I'm a "girl" or "woman" or "lesbian", but my actual identification is more nuanced than that.  I'm okay with living in a purely female gender role because in our binaristic society, that's the only option offered near where I am, but it doesn't entirely encompass my sense of self.

[eli77]

I never got very good at pretending to be a guy. Aside from 3 years in high school when I was trying really, really hard, I've always looked, talked, and moved more like a girl than a boy. Between that and the depression, it was pretty clear something was wrong with me. So when I came out the majority of folks weren't particularly shocked.

My dad was the only one who was really surprised, but that was expected given his general obliviousness. But he's worked with trans students in the past, so he got it right away at least.

Telling my mum was entirely underwhelming. She'd already guessed a few years back apparently, due to an awkward conversation where she AGAIN asked me if I was gay, and I said "I wish it was that simple. That would be easy." So I guess I'd tipped my hand.

My sister already knew, I told her a good 6 years prior, so it was more of a confirmation that I was going to do something about it. My best friend was taken aback at first, but moved quickly towards "well a lot of things make more sense now."

Actually it was my sexuality and style that caused more confusion. Apparently it was easy enough to grasp "I'm a girl," but "I'm a tomboy who likes other girls," not so much.