Honestly, I don't mean to beat the bush into a bramble, but what's the last time you had a straight boyfriend?
The reality is that I just find many of these types of concepts offensive. I don't find myself "fake" and thus want to pass. I want to pass simply because it's a scientific process (documented by hundreds of studies I've read over my years of education) that helps new people on the street, in the workplace, and in the dating field "see" me for who I truly am on the inside, because without that, people make fun of me and shun me instead. I am living proof myself of what the studies say (as it is right now, every single family member and friend has abandoned me because they all have said that it's "weird" seeing such a "masculine-looking" man act like a woman) and that's why I want to achieve a scientific appearance, that by statistic and percentage, displays me with the characteristics that are, by clinical textbook and documented society view, more overtly womanly than manly. Extreme contradictions freak people out.
Does that mean I don't accept myself for who I am on the inside? Not at all. I have extreme confidence in who I am on the inside, that's why I know I'm making the right choices for me on the outside. So what if you believe you're happier than I am? So what if you believe you know some secret of the universe that I don't? I'm realistically unhappy with my body and face, realistically unhappy with my many problems in my life, both concerning my health and the trauma that I have been through with my abusive family and peers, and being in that realism is what compels me to seek the exact cures that I know will make me happy, even if no one, not even Transpeople, want to help me get what I want. And that cure is not any sort of new-age, religious, spiritual, disproven nonsense, though that type of nonsense (which is only supported by internet blogs and 1982 psychiatry books that are designed to make senior citizens and mothers of three feel better about themselves) indeed can work for people who do have a neurological pre-disposition to believe in the impossible and supernatural.
However, I would say that the real reason that spirtitual transition works for you is because, even though you do look more masculine than female, you do look much more female in bone structure than I personally do, which is probably why at least a few of your friends or family members accept you as "you". Or who knows, maybe you live in a more accepting city than I do, with a more accepting family, with some blessings in your life. But when you're homeless on and off without a single friend, without a single family member, with handicaps that prevent you from getting a job, and living every day with memories of being raped and abused, that spiritual mess fades very quickly.
I won't say that I don't do the very same thing though; I get by with my days by telling myself I'm a talented writer, a talented actor, a talented singer, a talented musician, a hard worker with a high IQ, ect ect. But the difference is that I actually have proof of those things on documented paper, things I've already accomplished. With being female, it's not as easy because I do not have the blessing of looking in the mirror and seeing any percentage of female no matter how much make-up I put on; it's just not there in my extremely androgenic and Native American bone structure. Even the most extensive ->-bleeped-<- make-up techniques do nothing to hide my extreme facial deformities that are more extensive than that of even most males in the entire world. With your case, you could by extents pass as female, or at least a vision of "cute, happy, and passive", with enough primping. You have a bone structure that conveys happiness and brightness, and I do not even have that. It's a tool that most people just do not realize the innate benefits of.
I'm sorry for saying all this though, and I'm not really directing any of this toward you specifically because I honestly have no clue about your life and what you've been through, but the reality about all this spiritual "I don't have to transition because I know a secret of the universe." type stuff always sounds like it's smarter than everyone else. It has to claim that other Transpeople are "fake" before it works for you. It has to make you feel smarter before it works for you. But true confidence is when you believe in yourself without having a single spiritual or scientific reason to believe in yourself, to know that you're worth achieving your dreams simply because you're a living creature. While spirituality may help someone accept a current situation, it tries to erase the person's knowledge that they deserve better, and I'd rather live knowing that I deserve better than accepting failure for eternity. I refuse to accept that I'll never date the man of my dreams, I won't accept that I'll never be able to become an actress, I refuse to accept that I'll never look like a woman, and I'll do whatever it takes to achieve those things because my heart wants them more than any emotion in the entire world, and no simple supernatural concept, no matter how comforting, can replace that.
