The best I can say is that people are unpredictable. You may think you know hands down how they're going to react and they wind up shocking the crap out of you.
What I expected when I came out was that all of my friends would be supportive. Turns out that they were, I grew much closer to all of them, and even made a few new ones who were previously just casual acquaintances. Most of these people I've known for a decade or more, long before I could even admit to myself that I was trans, so I guess I knew how to pick friends pretty well.
But as they always say, you can't pick your family. I expected my mom to be supportive given her remarks about LGBT rights in the last 10 years or so. Only problem is that she can't handle emotions or emotional discussion. Her mental life revolves around the TV and the DVR. She took it as I expected: supportive, but unemotional. Five months later, she's never questioned me about anything but I know she struggles with some things internally regarding my transition. My stepdad was the one I didn't know how to predict. As a God and Country Republican, it was hard to say. Turns out he was even better about all of this than my mom! Not only accepted me, but was thrilled that I wanted to take his last name. He still slips up with name/pronouns sometimes, but my mom is quick to correct it. He says she's been doing it ever since I came out, even when I'm not around. She won't let anyone refer to me by my old name.
Then there was my brother and sister on my mom's side. I knew they'd be supportive, but beyond that, no clue. They've shown me support, but I found out from my stepdad that they've struggled immensely with things they've never told me. My brother was pissed off that I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them sooner, like when I decided to transition (two years ago), when I started hormones (almost a year ago), or when I was thinking about going full time. And it's a valid argument. He has every right to be pissed off with me because I
didn't tell anyone about this until the week before I went full time. I never even hinted at it. But my sister is struggling deeply. She smiled and said she was glad that I was happy because she always worried that I'd commit suicide, but I recently found out that she sees my transition as the death of her oldest brother. When I talked to my mom about this, I told her that I wished I could reach out to my sister and show her that I'm really the same person. But even my mom said that I'm no longer the same person.
Dad and stepmom and all but one sibling on that side reacted as I expected: they abandoned me and have made it pretty clear that they want nothing to do with me ever again as long as we live. No loss there in my opinion. We were on the outs before I transitioned anyway. They were the reason I wanted to change my last name.
So what's the point of me saying all of this? I'm just saying that these things really can't be planned. I waited to tell my mom and stepdad until after I'd taken many steps in transition, but it was because they tend to devalue anything that merely exists in the form of plans. They value action and won't support anything until you DO it. But that backfired with my siblings. Even between my mom and stepdad, they reacted opposite to how I expected. Mom just went silent about personal matters and my usually stoic stepdad opened up his emotions. Friends? Well, I got really lucky there.
The only real advice I have is, unless you have observant and inquisitive people in your life, don't rely on dropping hints. Before coming out, I spent two years growing out my hair, wearing full makeup in public all the time (even to work, because I could), wearing women's cut t-shirts and skinny jeans, and not a single person questioned me. Not my parents, not my siblings, not my coworkers, not my boss, not my students (my students thought I was copying AFI's Davey Havok, but I'd actually never seen a picture of him until everyone started making that comparison). And then, when I came out, about half of the people I knew said they were shocked, the other half said they could have told me before I told them.
It's an uncomfortable reality that reactions can't be fully predicted, or that this coming out process is so unpredictable. It all comes down to how ready you are to begin living life and experiencing relationships on your own terms.
