Change in orientation after starting hormone therapy?

[Liam K]

Starting T didn't change anything for me.  However, I did notice a slight shift in my attractions as I started socially transitioning, which was about 2 years before I started T.  Prior to identifying as trans, I had identified as a lesbian and never really paid any attention to men in that way, but now I would say that I am definitely attracted to men, though still more so to women.  I don't think my sexual orientation changed, though; really, it was more a matter of me not being comfortable dating or being attracted to men as a woman, but once I became more comfortable with my gender I in turn felt more comfortable with the idea of being attracted to men, and so allowed myself to open up to that possibility a bit more.

[Ami87]

Honestly, I don't think its suppressed feelings at all. I've ALWAYS been attracted to women my whole life and I'm 6 months on T now with a pretty signification attraction to men. I don't find women repulsiveness or anything but suddenly the idea of being with a guy sexually is a turn on. I can't really explain it but I've never been into guys, ever. You can't call it suppressed because you know who you are attracted to and you can't help what gets you turn on , right?

I have a question - were you more attracted to women sexually during ovulation before, or it stayed generally in the same range?

[myles]

My preference has not changed at all pre T was into women post T still the same.
Myles

[_Mango_]

I haven't started T... But it seems like the shifting tends to lean towards my preference anyhow.. (to males) so I am not all that worried.

[Hayzer12]

I start T this month(as soon as I get my letter. She's already said she'd write one, and this week I have an appt so it should be only a week or so later before actually getting it XD).

I'm already pansexual with a LARGE preference towards females. I have always loved females. It was noticed when I was about 6 years old and had crushes on my babysitters lol. It's just always been who I am. I definitely could fall for a guy, if I met the right one. Gender doesn't matter to me; it's the person. I just find myself being drawn to female bodies(as long as it's not on me). If it does shift, then it's oh well... like I said, gender doesn't really mean anything to me.

But most therapists say that once you're on Testosterone, and you find yourself being drawn to men, and you weren't drawn to men before, then it could be just your bodys voice to your minds obvious want/need to presume the role that he has in life; and the want/need for a body like his?

[Nathan90]

I have noticed an increased attraction to guys when I figured out I was trans. I've always considered myself to be bisexual but I sort of ignored the guy part of it cause I just never figured I could be with one. Now that I know that I can be 'like them' one day I look different at guys and knowing that I won't be the 'girl in the relationship' makes me more open to the attraction.

On the other hand I still can't imagine that I'd ever be with a cis guy, which I fortunately (hopefully) won't have to. Considering that my current boyfriend is ftm.

That said, everything is still possible for me, since T is still a long way off.

[gantz]

someone directed me here, the nature of the problem is similar but im not really sure if we deal with the same chemicals and stuff that my case applies to yours but if it helps well...

me, i almost always lived as a guy. i felt disgusted by the thought of even hugging a guy. ive always been into women. but i was very open to the idea and interest in me being a woman. all of this stayed even when i started my hormone theraphy and im only just a few months in.

something different is new. it started with me jsut... liking interacting with men in a setting of a male-female sort. then lately i just... all of sudden am interested in them more and more even sexually. its wreaking my head off trying to figure what is going on with me. this is NOT a case of just style or want its... you cant just sleep one day wanting blue then waking up another and wanting red do you???

ive been talking to people... some people say it could be the hormones coz they control a lot of stuff in women... at this point all i know is its just happening to me. and im slowly... ok rapidly losing more and more interest in women. i dont want that to go away... like one of you said who didnt like to be attracted to women... i dont want to be attracted to men. i know what theyre like i mean come on i used to be one.

anyway, this matter is just really putting a lot of stress and pressure on me lately. i find it harder and harder to resist you know. i dont know... its getting harder to control myself

[Samantha_Marie]

Posting on my phone with swype while driving out to jump creek with my friends so I apologize now for any odd words lol!

Ok sweetie, I honestly can't tell you if all of us change our preference but it does happen more often y then not.

You enjoy your attraction to women right now, but perhaps if you open yourself up to the possibility you can enjoy your attraction to men?!

I know for me the attraction I still have towards women is fueled by my desire to be one of them.Personally I've always found men attractive but never sexually. After a few months on e I found not only sexual thought suddenly popping up in my mind about men, but dreams as well.

I wondered if that makes me straight, gay, bi or just confused...

Now I realize that it just makes me, me!

Each and everyone of us have spent countless years trying to be someone, and something, that we are not. We made plans for our lives based upon these lies and even tried to not only convince the world, but also ourselves that who we appeared to be is who we are.

When I first discovered that all of the desires I had to change into a woman and live as a lesbian were changing I took a serious look at why I wanted to remain attracted to women, and realized that I really didn't care who I was attracted to.i just want to be me and live my life with as much happiness with someone, regardless of their gender, for as long as possible.

I enjoy my attraction to men just as much as I did my attraction to women, perhaps more so even because the thoughts and ideas are honestly my own, and no longer ones super imposed upon me by friends, family, society and even myself.

I've said it many times but I cannot express how true it is, the physical changes we all endure pale in comparison to the ways we change inside!

I wish you nothing but the best and hope you enjoy discovering who you truly are as much as I have been!

See you soon on the other side,

Sammy

[Ami87]

Samantha_Marie, thanks for your post, I have a question about that line:

I know for me the attraction I still have towards women is fueled by my desire to be one of them.

Was it the same before? In other words, were you attracted sexually to women before or you were technically asexual?

[justmeinoz]

Sammy it sounds like you just plain horny!!
I met someone in passing yesterday and as I have no idea how to operate the Gaydar, can't tell if she fancied me or not.  There is a very good chance I  will meet her again at a gallery opening this weekend and will find out. Fingers crossed.

Karen.

[Samantha_Marie]

Sammy it sounds like you just plain horny!!
I met someone in passing yesterday and as I have no idea how to operate the Gaydar, can't tell if she fancied me or not.  There is a very good chance I  will meet her again at a gallery opening this weekend and will find out. Fingers crossed.

Karen.

Haha that's terrible I love it!

I have an amazing "Gaydar" and pick up quickly when a girl is interested in me. I love the attention and enjoy flirting! I actually am not sexually active tho, I have WAY to much on my plate as it is, couldn't imagine trying to fit a sex life in right now

Samantha_Marie, thanks for your post, I have a question about that line:



Was it the same before? In other words, were you attracted sexually to women before or you were technically asexual?

Tough question. I still AM attracted to women but it's... different. It's not really a sexual attraction but more of a desire to want to cuddle with a girl or just talk or explore her body. Before I think testosterone fueled any further desires since actual penetration has vanished from my thoughts.

But honestly I just don't know, I was so confused about everything before and never allowed myself to fully analyze my feelings for fear of not "beating this". I laugh about it now since things have gotten SO much better in so many ways I really don't know what I was so scared of. I mean sure, some things were tough, there has been many awkward moments where some guy talking to me a few months ago would suddenly click in that I wasn't quite there yet but that has vanished completely now and for once I am finally free! What I find extremely fascinating is the lesbian community absolutely adore me and I get hit on by girls much more aggressively then guys and it always makes me laugh at how things have changed so drastically, so much beyond my wildest dreams! I can't wait for the next year to pass!

[justmeinoz]

Interesting how your attitude has changed Samantha.  I now have a completely different feeling about women too.  Before, I certainly wasn't a Neanderthal, but the physical desire was much stronger.  Now I want to snuggle and cuddle as well, or even more so. I find that is what I am missing most now.
Karen.

[Arch]

Posting on my phone with swype while driving out to jump creek with my friends so I apologize now for any odd words lol!

I hope you're not the one in the driver's seat...

[Preston]

Hmm, this kind of worries me. I'm thinking about starting hormones but I most definitely don't want to start liking guys...

[justmeinoz]

I think that in my case it was confusion between sexuality and gender that caused me to feel I was bi or possibly gay.  Being lonely will cause you to clutch at any passing life raft too.
 
Now that I am feeling truly "me", I find that my teenage preference for the female body is back, but with  slightly different set of feelings. I am much more attuned to an emotional connection now.

I think it is not so much a question of "gay" or "straight", because transition changes the perspective,  but of what body you find attractive in any potential partners.
If you are not at all attracted to guys Preston, I think it likely you will still find them  strongly unattractive after HRT.
Karen

[Padma]

My tuppence-worth: I guess there's how you feel (i.e. who you're attracted to), and then there's how you feel about how you feel.

For me, one of the main things that was getting in the way of being ready to transition was not accepting my sexuality (largely due to an abuse history - which was the other "main thing" I needed to sort out). Letting yourself be attracted to whoever you're attracted to and feeling fine about that attraction is just part of the larger project of self-acceptance, I think. Once that's more sorted out, then the possibility that transition will affect which kind of people you find attractive is much less of a big deal, just something that may or may not happen to you, but which you're able to accept because it's you that it's happening to.

It's alright to be who you are, it's alright to like who you like. Discovering that has led to me transitioning (at bloody last!), and has also led to me being very comfortable with being attracted to a whole range of people, including people I wouldn't previously have found attractive. Then the question becomes more "do I want to act on this attraction?" instead of "is it okay to have this attraction?" and life becomes emotionally a lot simpler (well, until you act on it...) .

[Samantha_Marie]

Hmm, this kind of worries me. I'm thinking about starting hormones but I most definitely don't want to start liking guys...

Yea I hope you don't either

But on a serious note hun, if it does happen and you find yourself being attracted to guys then take it all a day at a time. You thought maybe you were Bi when we met, now you know you're a lesbian, and today you told me that you might be transexual.

This time in our life, this whole transition is confusing, scary, exciting and completely amazing all at the same time. I didn't expect to wind up preferring men over women, but it happened. The thought for the first while made me rather upset simply because of how much I thought I enjoyed women and their touch. Now I find that I like that with guys instead. While I still enjoy women they have to be masculine in order for me to consider dating them, or at least more masculine then me haha!

After coming to terms with this tho I realize I'm ok with it.

And it's not a guarantee, it's one of those ymmv things and I honestly believe it's not hormones that cause the change but rather your own acceptance of your true self. It's like waking up from a bad dream, parts of the nightmare cling on but as you wake up more and reality sets back in the memories fade and you forget all about it!

It is 4am and I have to get up in... 4 hours omg I better get my lil butt into my bed asap. Hurry and get back home so I can see you!!

[AbraCadabra]

It can get 'confusing' for us (MtF) just as well.

So I started off as a 'male-lesbian' and some 4 month into HRT saw males in a different light. Feeling female (and visa versa) will tend to open up new emotional paths/possibilities?

I guess I'm BI now, I like to touch and feel men, muscles, um --- being pre-op that's about as far as it goes (for me).
YET, seeing a couple from the rear walk next to each other my FIRST attention still goes to the female butt :-). So?!?
For females is mostly the admiration of the female shape, the one I envy, admire.
Want to fully and completely be like this myself - and am not. Maybe never will?

It gets back to using one's partner as a proxy to keep GID in check --- but NOW at least I know what's happening!!

With men it's being flirty and wanting their attention, wanting them to WANT me! Want them to drool some :-), um. No proxy issue there, hell... got the cap and the t-shirt --- well some will go in 3 weeks. Touch wood :-)

Reflections from the other side of the fence,
Axelle

[Ann Onymous]

It can get 'confusing' for us (MtF) just as well.

But not for everyone...and I still hold firmly to the opinion that for most, it has nothing to do with the HRT but rather is related to the internal loosening up that comes for some people with transition itself. 

If it were an HRT thing, then would not see the number of transsexuals who are interested in same-sex relationships following HRT (M2F lesbians and F2M gays).  And certanly if it were an HRT thing, one would expect people like me who have been dealing with components of the transition for multiple decades to at least have had an interest in attempting to explore whether relationships with someone of the opposite sex were worthwhile.   In 30-ish years of romantic interests though, I have never deviated from a lesbian state of mind...and I don't expect to ever give up that gold-star...

[AbraCadabra]

Ann,
and what about the "proxy" issue??

I have a theory - if you may forgive me here - that the more we resemble our 'gender of choice' the less we are in need for that 'proxy'.

It really makes no difference as such, no 'goody two shoes' girly needs a male thing going (for me), but we always seem to look for something in a partner to compliment us --- something we perceive we do not really have. Right?

The rest then is - 'uncomplicated' deduction,
Axelle