Connecting with others yet feeling alone.

[RenM]

Hi there!

The name is Seth and I'm 6 months and a week on T. I have been attending monthly support groups headed by my therapist and I often lurk around (and occasionally comment) here on the boards.

Lately, however, I have tried stepping out into the world- both in search of friends and companions.
What I find troubling is that I don't really feel like I am connecting with people. I mean, I know plenty of people like being around me and I've been told that I am very charismatic, but I just feel lonely, you know?

I am currently living with my best friend and two other roomies. Things are okay on that end- a bit strained because I seem to be at work all the time- but okay.
I suppose the biggest factor is the one place where I am not judged, in group, is massively outnumbered in way of ladies versus men. There are a TON of MTF's there and while I enjoy their company (and have five confess to liking me/trying to kiss me despite my being gay), it just isn't the same as being in the presence of any man.
Please note that when I say man, I do mean all kinds of man, trans or not.

I guess the easiest way for me to solve this would be to 'get some guy friends' but that's just the thing. Most of the guys around here are too preoccupied chasing after girls to want to hang out. Literally. It's kind of sad. @_@ And maybe I'm looking in the wrong places too, but I have tried the whole internet thing and that's a bust.
So I just feel very isolated, like no one gets it. I am a lot of things, but try as I might, I still feel the desire to be given attention by someone of the same sex, even just for a little while.

Is that normal of me? Or am I just wishing for another pipe dream?

My best friend/vocalist says I shouldn't worry because I draw people to me and don't even realize it because a lot of guys are intimidated by me. o_o
I don't understand just how I come off as intimidating because I'm this small fry but...

Anyway, I just needed to share my feelings.

[anibioman]

i feel the same. i have a lot of friends that are girls because im not really threatened by women. so my charismatic funny self comes out. i find it really hard to make guy friends especially because all groups have a predefined social dynamic. also i get really shy because i feel threatened by guys my age who know who i used to be (which is all of them).

[xAndrewx]

I get what you mean man. There are some trans men around me in my group but they are a tight-knit group and while they used to try to include me I felt like the outsider because they were all so close ya know? As far as male buddies in general I don't have any except for the guys I talk to on here. I have two real friends and they are both female, one of them is a fabulous mtf who is more on the genderqueer side and one who is a bio-female met both of them 3 years ago at the lgbt youth group in my city but other than them I don't have much of anyone.

I don't think it's un-normal to want male friends and to have some attention. Maybe you could go to a group or community center of some sort or even just take a class at the YMCA if you have one near you to meet new people?

[cindianna_jones]

Most of my friends are men. The reason? I like astronomy and there just aren't many women in the hobby. I understand your loneliness. I know that I'm on a completely different page from you. But I have been through a similar process, if you catch my drift. In the beginning I felt terribly alone. I was alone. The process itself drives a wedge between you and the rest of society. It is extremely difficult to deal with. But you will. Time can work in your favor if you will let it.

My best friend is a more than adequate golfer. Many of her social friends are men because of it. You might find some "manly" pursuit and insert yourself in all that camaraderie.  In the mean time, don't shut anyone out, especially those in your group. They will help you along through this very difficult process.

Cindi

[RenM]

I wish I had the time to join things like the YMCA or something. But I work all the time, so I just get to go to work and come home. I really don't have the money to go out anywhere, like I'd like. Sometimes I go to the club but the gay/bi clubs here are crap.

I've been making better friends at work but I feel like some guys get uncomfortable since they know I'm gay. Ironically enough, it's been the guys who I thought would be the most cool about it. My biggest surprise has been the 'totally straight' guy at work who I, shamefully, find myself flirting with. He gets sheepish and even flirts back and he's up and friended me on FB now, despite being in a relationship with this girl. He says he thinks it's cool that I'm so open. Lol

Um...Maybe I'm just not in a good point in my life? I don't know. I'm still working on getting where I want to be. I'm starting to lose weight, eat better, work out. I plan to get my tattoos eventually and I want to actually have more than five shirts and five pairs of jeans in my closet. @_@

However, my life has been a lot of downs lately. I don't have the money to pay the medical bills I owe because my insurance, despite having paid them thousands of dollars, refused to even cover my doctors visit to the endo or my blood work he ordered. So, now I owe around 600 dollars that has to be paid all at once, which I can't do. Thus, any time I get extra money, I feel guilty as hell if I spend it on a night out- even if I end up chatting with someone.

I think maybe I'm just socially unfit right now. Like, I'm too worried about the cost of transitioning to be a good friend? Cause my current mind set is 'Why do I have a day off? I have no one to hang out with. I should be at work. I have nothing better to do'. Guh. Is that terrible of me?