Religion and Trans

[RyanShyfte]

My mother is a very anti-gay Christian. I am a FtM bisexual (preferable to males). I have told my aunt about being bisexual but not about being trans (haven't worked up the courage but I think it would go well). My aunt and I agree that it would be best not to tell her about such things until I have settled my life down. My problem is: I haven't been extremely subtle about 'testing the waters' and I think my mother is in extreme denial. Would it be a good idea to be blunt and straightforward or should I just let her remain in denial?

Also, should I go ahead and tell my aunt? She seems to have no problems with sexuality and my 'friend getting a sex change' question.

Thanks guys
-Ryan

[emil]

To be honest, in case you still live with your mom, i'd let her remain in denial. Things might go awfully wrong and you might end up in a very bad situation. Just my take on it, my parents aren't very accepting and they use religion as an argument even though they never seemed very religious to me in the first place. If I still had to live with them, things wouldn't go so smooth. As long as she's in denial, you're also safe as in a haircut is just a haircut and a unisex clothing style does not equal spitting in the face of God.

I'd tell your aunt though, sounds like she's quite supportive.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I'm going to preface this by saying my mother is an extremely religious Southern Baptist. 

I live with her and have for the past 2 years.  I sent her an email last September coming out to her as trans.  Her reaction wasn't surprising.  It basically consisted of her saying she prayed for a red headed baby girl (my hair was red when I was born) and so she knows God gave her an answer in the form of me and that I would always be a girl to her and that she would never go with me to doctor's appointments or surgeries or anything like that.  The email I sent her was to let her know.  It wasn't asking permission or anything and I never planned to wait to transition because by the point I finally decided I needed to come out and start transition every waking moment was agony for me. 

I started T last November.  My mother at first made a lot of ->-bleeped-<-ty comments to me at pretty much every opportunity, but over these past 11 months it's gotten a lot better.  I take a stand for myself against what she says that is hateful and hurtful about why she doesn't need to say that.  But see I know my mother and I know that she is not going to fight back against me or kick me out.  I know how to handle her basically. 

Yeah, she calls me my birthname and female pronouns at home, though we have agreements that she calls me "Child" in public.  But I do take that as a sign that she is changing somewhat.  Though she did today pull the "I prayed for a red headed baby girl" thing.

So I was blunt with her but for the most part she still acts like she's in denial.  I think that part of her feels that I will "change my mind"

She seems to have no problems with sexuality and my 'friend getting a sex change' question.

I would tell her but don't take what you just mentioned as a sign that she won't take it badly.  The way relatives react to someone they don't know transitioning is usually very different from the way they will react to their son/daughter/cousin transitioning.

[Adio]

My mother is a Presbyterian.  I think there are two Presbyterian churches; she belongs to the more conservative one.  Things were very difficult in the beginning.  Even now, we will have disagreements if religion is brought up in conversation.  She used to tell me "God doesn't make mistakes" and that "I gave birth to a daughter, not a son."  She'd also tell me how she "always knew" I was a baby girl even when doctors told her she was having a boy.

We used to argue a lot about religion and politics.  Mainly because she's a conservative Christian and I'm a liberal agnostic.  LGBT stuff came up a lot in high school and junior college.  I'm sure even now she prays for me to be a girl "again."  But we just don't talk about it.

Honestly...as difficult as it is, I'd let her be in denial about it.  Unless you know with certainty that she won't kick you out, disown, or hurt you in some way.  I knew my mom would never do those things, so even though our relationship suffered, I still had a place to sleep at night and food to eat (at the bare minimum).

Yeah, she calls me my birthname and female pronouns at home, though we have agreements that she calls me "Child" in public.

My mom did something similar with me.  She used to refer to me as just her "child" and not use pronouns, son/daughter, or my birth name.  It wasn't ideal, but it was progress.

I would tell her but don't take what you just mentioned as a sign that she won't take it badly.  The way relatives react to someone they don't know transitioning is usually very different from the way they will react to their son/daughter/cousin transitioning.

This.  Accepting a non-family member is generally easier than accepting a relative.  My mom had no problem with having gay/lesbian friends and watching programs like Will & Grace on tv, but she had major issues with my being gay and trans.

[mowdan6]

As Emil said, if you live with your Mom, you might want to wait to come out to her.  When I came out to my Mom, she did'nt talk to me for a long time.  She is fundamental baptist and I was brought up that way.  When we did start talking again (took me making the first call), she tried using the Bible against me.  Saying God made me who i am, and if I was supposed to be a man God would have formed me that way.  I reminded her of two things.  First, in the Bible book of Jeremiah, there is a verse that talks about how God forms us (the potter and the clay stuff), but this says..."the clay became marred in the potter's (God's) hands, so He remade it, into something good."
I also reminded her of how I was unable to walk as a child and she took medical means to make sure I could walk.  And was'nt that making a change to how I was born?  Maybe God did'nt want me to walk.  And what's the difference? 
The sad thing in all this is that most people are unable to separate religion from having a real raltionship with God.  Thing that helps me with my fundamental Mom is....she knows that I know God...and she cannot use that against me. 

[Vincent E.S.]

My mother is a very conservative Catholic Christian, and my aunt is a Presbyterian and works as a therapist for teenagers.
I thought that my mother would react badly, but so far she's been very supportive, more so than anyone else. I used to think that my aunt would take the news very well, seeing as she deals with adolescents every day, but I'm not so sure any more. People definitely react differently when it's someone they're related to.

Since your mother seems to be pretty easy to predict, I'd agree with everyone above and say to wait. At the same time, though, she may not really be in denial. I always thought that my mother was in extreme denial about anything to do with me, but it turns out that she noticed everything and just didn't really know how to talk to me about any of it.

You know your mother and aunt better than any of us, so ultimately, it's up to you to decide.