too masculine for comfort

[Elsa.G]

Ever since i began transition ive been incredibly self concious about looking masculine. I have large hands and feet, and i know there are cis women who also have large hands and feet but mine are too large like as u can tell that they belong to a male (size 12 in mens shoes by the way). Apart from that i have massive shoulders (my avatar doesnt show the full extent of my shoulders) i love frilly tops especially the ones that have frilly sleeves and they just look so bad because of my huge shoulders. Apart from that i have no curves at all- my upper body is larger than my thighs and legs therefore you cannot even see any hips, not that i have any. The masculinity is just killing my self esteem especially as im trying to pass as best i can. There was even a time where i was dressed completely female and someone said i look like Jim from The Office. that hurt me so bad. I wanna know for those of you who dont quite pass, how do you cope with this? 

[justmeinoz]

Hi Elsa. There are ways to fool the eye.

  Trini and Sussanah have a book that looks at this very issue, titled unsurprisingly "What Not To Wear."   They have a series of photo's of various things like, big bust/small bust etc and what cut of top etc will compensate best.  Apparently Black will make your shoulders look smaller and White will make them look larger for instance.  As shoulder pads are apparently making a comeback if you take them out of a jacket no one will know.

I have a favourite sheepskin jacket that I am wearing a lot at the moment. (Winter in Oz) It has a pronounced waist and flares out a bit over the hips. Because the fleece is exposed down the front it tends to draw the eye away from the shoulders to the centre of my chest.

The shape of my shoes has a big impact on how big my feet look too. I have a pair of brown boots with a round toe that look a lot larger than my chisel toe black boots. Lots of cis-women have larger feet too. My sister-in-laws first comment when I came out to her was, "what size shoes do you take?" She is tiny, but takes a size 11 the same as me. I am still on  a promise to go shoe shopping with her.

Hope these few suggestions have given you a few ideas.

Karen.