Are trans-women "less of a woman" if they've "fathered" a child/children ?

[Lisbeth]

Most females can give birth; it takes someone special to be a mother.

That was the theme of a Mother's Day sermon that inspired my son to give me my first Mother's Day present this year.

*a warm hug to a good Mom*

[Constance]

Thanks, Lisbeth.

[Renee]

I have not seen my son in 7 years, and it kills me every day.  This is a tough road we travel!

[Jillieann Rose]

Jenna Renee

[Anatta]

I have not seen my son in 7 years, and it kills me every day.  This is a tough road we travel!

Kia Ora JR,

I know of other trans-women who are in a similar position to yourself and my heart goes out to both you and them...

It truly is a tough road we travel ! And sadly for some like yourself it's even tougher...

Metta Zenda

[Dawn D.]

Oh my! Isn't this an appropriate topic, du jour! Zenda has opened Pandora's box I fear though.

In certain circles, yes, you are less of a woman and quite blatantly, you are not a woman at all and never will be! To be sure, that is not my opinion. It is the opinion of an elitist subset of transsexuals ("Early Transitioning" transsexuals, or ET), and they fit right in there with the religious fundamentalists. Strange bed-fellows, for certain!

For them - the ETs - they cannot and never will accept nor understand how you as a Late Transitioner, or LT could marry, father children, and suddenly "presto-chango, BAMM!" become a woman!

In my humble opinion, it's actually best not to go into the question of validation of who you are at the risk of inviting these whako's to harangue you till doomsday about what they see as a bastardization of womanhood!

If you know that you are a woman, then you are! If you know that you are a man, then you are! I you have to ask......uh-ohh; you're in trouble because they're-a-comin' after ya!

Don't let others dictate who you are by their definition. They DO NOT own the definition!

The issues that keep us LTs from making the proper adjustment to our lives at an earlier age are many and varied. The fact that we were able to hold off what we didn't understand about ourselves early on is not an invalidating issue, but only a different coping mechanism that betrayed us later in life.

If you are an ET, I think it's wonderful that you were able to be complete so young. I believe you should be proud and full of honor in enjoying a more satisfied sense of self.

If you are an LT, I think you can hold your head up and accept proudly manhood, or womanhood from a slightly different perspective. All the while, enjoying (hopefully) a knowledge of experiences more from both sides of the gender binary.


Dawn

[AbraCadabra]

Honey how about that...

there be ALWAYS one 'top' and one 'bottom'. And as life goes... things do change. Don't we know it all :-)

I dearly love my son and so I do my ex, to have him carried and brought into this life. That, I could not, not in this life anyway, is something that made me go through quite some heavy GID sessions, I'm lots better now.

I do think, that by now, I'm some more at peace. WE JUST CAN'T HAVE IT ALL, now can we?

Oh, yes you DO look fantabulous, make this old girl plain week in the knees :-)

Axelle

[rensie]

Re: Are trans-women "less of a woman" if they've "fathered" a child/children ?

Are cis woman less of a woman because they can't get pregnant or don't wear make up or aren't beautiful or don't pretend they are stupid when they talk to guys ? Of course not.  so people should stop the irrational judging of themselves like there's a how-female/male-am-I scale they have to step on every day 

[rensie]

Many women born women feel less about themselves if they were unable to have children.

It doesn't mean they are less. I understand what you are saying but the title said 'Are trans-women less... not Is it okay to feel less... if you know what I mean.  I would never say to someone that they shouldn't feel how they feel.

[AbraCadabra]

Billy Polo,

* so people should stop the irrational judging of themselves... *

Honey, at least 50% of our BEING, - at least, is in fact irrational. I could write a small book just about THAT.

Next, it's those shoulds, shalls, shan'ts, shouldn'ts... and on. They're all based on some lofty ideal, yet most, if not all of us, are not ever ready for the 'lofty'.

We cry, we feel guilt, loss, emotional pain, we are actually very much more emotional beings than what most of us would LIKE to accept.

Due to this, we DO feel the lesser for it, just as any natal woman, that wants to have a baby and can not.
Why? I personally think it has to do with our DNA, and if we for some reason can not fulfil the role given to us by nature, we feel much the lesser for it.
Like a male that can not fulfil his role as a provider? One pretty sad being too.

It needs for us, to grow beyond these 'nature's basics' to feel worthy again, after our failure to reproduce, making us feel 'unworthy'.

The work-around for some more lucky MtFs is, that in fact they found a surrogate in the female they had married, I did.
Yet - it STILL remains only the second option, a substitute for the REAL thing.

It's one world of a difference to have YOUR baby in YOUR tummy, talk to it whilst it is growing securely inside your own life.
Nothing will be able to replace that, including the pain and the sweat when you gave birth to it.

Food for thought...
Axelle

[cynthialee]

I was desperate to prove to myself and the world I was a manly macho kinda guy.
So I literally tried to F*** myself into manhood.
I slept with every woman I could in a desperate attempt to be a man to the world and prove it to myself.
Didn't work. Not at all.

Sex does not make a man.

One of my cisgender friends was getting drunk with me one day and she blurted out that she would love to have a willy for a day and she would go try it out on her best friend. I was rather stunned at this statement and I was like 'you would have sex like a guy if you had a dick?'. And she looked at me like I grew a second head and then replied 'duh, yes I would. Thats what they are for'.
That exchange kinda tweeked my mellon and changed my perspective.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Even if I want to be the sperm donor, I'd still be the mother.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

i'm really not worried about the ability to give birth or not in terms of my "womanhood." heck, i feel so indifferent to the male genitals between my legs, that it's just something i don't hold personal to my gender. thinking about it, i'm starting to feel like having kids is a gift i'm missing out on since i've definately lost all my fertility now, but i don't relate it to being "less of a woman."