I got stared and whispered at.

[zoeinmotion]

I glammed it up last night and went downtown for some shopping & a movie. Felt like I passed, looked good, and had some presence. On the way to my first stop I got gawked at by half of the people that I passed, and started panicking. Sadly I was way to uncomfortable to stay, and went home sobbing.

Once I started calming down I got to thinking.... Maybe they all thought I was cis, at least I hope so.. I'm 6'2, overweight, and looked more fashionable and put together than ever, maybe they had other reasons to look. I just feel like sense transition that if I was out and about people would define me by gender only, not as a overweight tall girl XD. I feel okay if people see me that way, because  that is what I saw in the mirror before I left.

Also this was my first time downtown at night sense I was confronted by two women  with them yelling for all to hear that I was a "Boy-Girl that needs that ass lubed up" to me and my best friend. So I was on edge going in the first place. When I was in guy mode I always dressed down, wanted to go unnoticed. Now I dress it up more, much more than some cis women (Transovercompistation maybe?)

Anyway I just needed to get this off my chest before I let it burn a hole in the back of my brain over-thinking it.

[Re: Joyce]

When you say you "glammed it up", that could be your cue to what happened.  I have a number of observations on this, having lived through it myself.

     The first is, too often, transgenders over-dress or portray themselves with a slutty look.  You don't put on super long false eyelashes and glitter your hair to go grocery shopping. 

      The second is that transgenders also dress in a manner that stands out.  If all other natal women will be likely to be wearing jeans and a top, it's unwise to wear a sequined slinky dress and 5-inch heels.

     Finally, acting nervous will make you stand out.  Looking at people to see if they're looking at you can cause them to look at you....  I sometimes attend live support group meetings and there is one poor girl who is so self-conscious that her eyes are constantly going all over and she just stands out because of it.

     So, go to the mall, get a drink at the food court and spend some time watching other women.  See how they're dressed, how they walk, how they stand and what they do.  Then, do your best to dress in a manner to fit in with those who are your age.  Mature, middle aged women don't dress the same way as the 15-year-old girls.

      For my first real attempt to go out in the world in preparation for full time, I called a nice department store, informed them that I had been clinically diagnosed as being transgender and was transitioning under medical supervision and wished to get some help buying some nice outfits.  If they weren't comfortable with that, please let me know and I'd go to a different store.  They said they would welcome me and I got a name to contact and a time to arrive.  This was a stretch, because I hadn't started therapy yet, but I'd made up my mind to transition.

      She helped me choose slacks, a top, a purse, a necklace, bracelet and ear rings that all went together and I looked superb.  I never got a second look when wearing those clothes.  I HAD gotten a lot of second looks before, just like you believe you had.

       Change your approach and I believe the results will change.  Don't give up, you can be accepted.  I've been full time over a year now.  It's wonderful.

       

[Annah]

I glammed it up last night

Could you be specific in "glammed it up" because overdressing or dressing a certain way may get you clocked.

[zoeinmotion]

I've been full-time for 7 months, and I thought my outfit was to my age group and cute, and it fitted great. By "Glam it up" i mean a Saturday Night look for a women my age, not so much as a hyper-femme trans approach,. but as a fashionable young women. I don' wear heals, false eyelashes, or exaggerated glittery makeup.  Slutty? Dark Gray top with with a black duster and medium skirt... Maybe I was showing to much calf XD Was not really nervous, and left when I started to be nervous. By overcompensation I mean taking forever to get everything perfect, and trying to hard. When I could just as easily put in less effort and blend in. I'm eye candy. I'm the tallest women on the street you'll probably ever meet. I'd stick out if I was cis, no matter the clothes.

I've only had issues in that  part of town, which I live next too sadly (a single street actually, one that I love). Life has been pretty wonderful, but screw those scene-kids who dwell nearby and there awesome music scene. It's Santa Cruz, our city motto is "Keep it weird", go look it up. It's also a giant tourist attraction, well in the area I live at least. Private paradise in the off season when everyone is gone, and a madhouse during the summer heat. Public nudity has been legal sense the 70's here, but you won't catch me bare lol. Tons of funny and great things about my love for where I live, and having lived in several states in my short 20 years of existence. I want to live here forever.

I blend the majority of the time now, people refer to me as miss. and actually life has been getting pretty good in general. DAMN YOU SECOND PUBERTY. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CRY SO MUCH? /rant off

(EDIT) The last time I was down there at night and was yelled at was 6 months ago, I've come a looooong way sense.

[tekla]

There is a pretty huge wookie population in SC. 

[zoeinmotion]

There is a pretty huge wookie population in SC. 

Please explain just what you mean by wookie? Weird, crazy, arty, odd, and awesome? or Han Solo's pal from Kashyyyk?

* Zoe in Motion first Star Wars Galaxies character was a Wookiee, now goes back to nerd closet.

[tekla]

People who look like Hans Solo's pal, but don't have Chewies skills or work ethic.

From the Urban Dictonary:

A lifeless idiot whose whole existence consists of following around jam bands and not showering or shaving. When they're not panhandling or trying to rip people off, they're selling veggie burritos or grilled cheese to fund their useless existence. They stand for nothing and care about nobody else. (Not to be confused with a hippie. A hippie is someone who lives a certain lifestyle due to their beliefs. Hippies often shower and have jobs.)

[zoeinmotion]

Yeah, we definitely have our share of them here.

[tekla]

Your share?  It's fricking ground-zero for them.  Which is a shame, it once was the nicest place in Cali.

[zoeinmotion]

Santa Cruz is insane, think our local paper quoted a visiting therapist on it. Off season though when people vacate and it's just the locals things are way more chill, and "Normal".  Downtown in the mall area of pacific ave is really the only place I've been hassled for whatever reason. City is still kicking though, at least if you're a surfer. Oh and borders is gone! Long live the local bookstores!

What do you do when someone is looking your way? or a group of people for that matter? Eh maybe I'm just dealing with anxiety being in the loudness that  it was. Starting to feel a little better now though...