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The mirror...

Started by Jaden.D, September 01, 2011, 08:57:13 PM

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Jaden.D

I'm at odds with it.

Forever trying to change my appearance to match the person inside.... and never succeeding. Sometimes female, sometimes male... I shift one to the other at seeming random, yet feel also a great inner draw to androgeny. I just don't know. I feel like smashing the mirror and shaving off all my hair. I wish, in this moment, that I could erase myself... but who knows what the next moment will bring?

Seems a strange post to introduce myself with, but to hell with first impressions anyway. I'm just looking for people that understand.
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ativan

Quote from: Jaden.D on September 01, 2011, 08:57:13 PM
I'm at odds with it.

Forever trying to change my appearance to match the person inside.... and never succeeding. Sometimes female, sometimes male... I shift one to the other at seeming random, yet feel also a great inner draw to androgeny. I just don't know. I feel like smashing the mirror and shaving off all my hair. I wish, in this moment, that I could erase myself... but who knows what the next moment will bring?

Seems a strange post to introduce myself with, but to hell with first impressions anyway. I'm just looking for people that understand.
Seems a strange post to introduce yourself with, but to hell with that anyways. You looking for people that understand? So far, so good. Welcome.

Ativan
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Pica Pica

Not a big looker inner of mirrors, but when I do, I just stare at my eyes and when you do that, you find that you are always in there.
'For the circle may be squared with rising and swelling.' Kit Smart
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foosnark

Welcome!

The mirror and I often disagree about what I look like.  It doesn't help that I want to be different each time I look.  Sometimes I am even surprised at being bald, or tall.

What Pica said about the eyes though.  Or Mr. Miyagi.  "Always look eye."
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Taka

the mirror usually refuses to reflect me in the way i want, but luckily it doesn't state any disagreement when i sigh to myself that i can still be whoever i am even if i don't always look it. i'm also glad that a good friend's eyes some times can give a much more agreeable reflexion of myself than what the mirror is capable of
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espo

People people ... what have I been telling you about keeping mirrors in the house? How many times do I have to tell you .. Don't look in the mirror .. sheesh !
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ativan

The mirror in the bathroom isn't so much bad as when you're out and you are feeling like another, more self like you, and you see your reflection in a lot of things. Car windows, regular house and store windows, clothing sections of store usually have a few mirrors. At night I see myself in the computer screen sometimes, and I have a large dresser w/ a huge mirror.

My alter ego, if you want to call it that, is a handsome woman, masculine features, but very attractive. She is me.
I switch back and forth pretty easy, and the best times are when we are both here together as one.
That's not me, of course, in my Avatar, but she reminds me of my self at those times.
The other Avatar of the young one with static hair is both of us together when I was young.There wasn't a separation then. It was only when I was older that I started to recognize me as both male and female.

Ativan
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ativan

Quote from: Taka on September 02, 2011, 02:52:29 PM
a good friend's eyes some times can give a much more agreeable reflexion of myself than what the mirror is capable of
This. Always.
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Jaden.D

Thank you for the welcome, and the understanding. How good it is, always, to be among kindred spirits.

I do feel much more at peace with myself than yesterday. It's not always so hard - but that peak of stress can be difficult to break through.

"Always look eye". *grin* I'll remember that.

Ativan - your writing reminds me so much of myself. The alter ego... union and seperation from self... what struggles I've had over the years with those concepts, in very real, experiential ways.

I'm more fluid now than I used to be. At least... more embracing of my fluidity. And far more embracing of my inner "masculine" side. I don't feel the need to define myself anymore... but I'm still at a loss as to what my appearance is missing that my spirit contains. I just... can't put my finger on it, but something is still "off", for me.
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ativan

Quote from: Jaden.D on September 02, 2011, 05:44:53 PM
I don't feel the need to define myself anymore... but I'm still at a loss as to what my appearance is missing that my spirit contains. I just... can't put my finger on it, but something is still "off", for me.
I think many here would agree with you, in various ways. We are looking for something important that stays elusive.

Ativan
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Eva Marie

I totally get this. What i see internally does not necessarily match the ugly guy in the mirror staring back.
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