The complications of relationships

[dustbunny]

Oh, and I do think we give the world a break, many breaks.

I do not insist on 'proper pronouns' or the 'correct bathroom', I have not changed my name or my gender marker - I have not strained any therapy or endocrine type clinics in the sorting out of myself.

I have learnt to accept that people see me as a man and become comfortable with the fact that greater time together will reveal the proper ins and outs of it - as it does with every human being.

I have calmly (ish) read diatribe after diatribe about how people like me are holding back the movements of the MTF.

I have also calmly explained again, and again what I think androgyne is and how it effects life and such.

I have dealt with the world as strait forward and honestly as I ever possibly could without demanding it to bend over backwards for me.

- But I do rely, and expect that a tiny, teensy, overlooked, under appreciated little corner of an internet forum might, maybe just might be the place I can talk about being an androgyne and occasionally complain about the complications this ensues without being harped at or discounted or ignored or regarded as something lower and lesser.

And I consider that  a reasonable little expectation.

I think this really sums it up.

[dustbunny]

Hi, ya it sucks when you are treated in a way that you can't relate to. This is my opinion and lots of people might disagree with it BUT I don't think people can possibly under any circumbstance understand what you are meaning if they themselves aren't andro.   To them you look like a girl so therefore you are a girl, that makes sense to them but we know its not like that. My advise is to not expect a whole lot from friends or family and that might be really lame in a lot of peoples eyes but holy >-bleeped-<, even andros have a hard time understanding it. I'm not really sure if Confucius was religious like Buddha was but you can't live by what other people think and ya he's like the supreme wise one but I bet he wasn't andro LOL so his whole philosophy might be worth >-bleeped-< when it comes to us. Not knocking the guy but really, what does he know about YOU, maybe we can be a person by ourselves like we don't need anyone to validate us like the rest of society does. Like I said, its just my opinion :-)

Confucius was not religious. He was an ancient philosopher who refused to debate or condone religion. The necessity of society and being social on a human is seen scientifically in abandoned children, child neglect, and adults who have been in extended periods of solitary confinement. In all situations of social isolation the human mind breaks down. This has been demonstrated time and again. It's not just philosophical, it's observable, repeatable and thus scientific phenomenon.

[Pica Pica]

Very much agreeing with the social stuff.

A man might be an island, but an island shares the same winds as nearby islands, the same currents and streams, the same sun. A man can communicate by messages in a bottle or by hailing a passing ship. I think Donne got it nearly right, what he would have said now is, 'no man is a vacuum'.

[Jaden.D]

I find it a little insulting that you would imply that her behavior is related to androgynes as if we all behave this way...

I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. It's a bit on the rediculous side to "diagnose" the reason for another's behaviour second or third hand and over the internet, anyway. I do not act that way, and I do not recognize that as being the traits of an Androgyne, either.

In regards to the OP...

I haven't had difficulties with my relationships, as far as my gender/non-gender/fluid-gender goes. Sometimes a "femininity" flows forth, and sometimes a "masculinity". It depends entirely on my state of being, the situation, and the person I am communing with. I form deep connections, which bring out different aspects of myself.

It's my relationship with myself that has taken the most patience and gradual understanding. For some reason, partners and friends both male and female have been abundantly supportive of my search to understand this fluidity. Anytime I "discover" something new, there is someone who has seen it in me all along.

I'm very thankful for that.

[justmeinoz]

 I would have no trouble being in a relationship with someone like you Dustbunny.  How you behaved or looked on the day would be continual surprise or novelty, so I can't see why people have a hard time accepting that you are just a bit different.  Maybe I have become more tolerant as I have got older, but I think that playing with concepts like gender and sexual roles is interesting.
I now personally identify as a Lipstick Lesbian, and  find the thought of sexual relations with a male repulsive, but if I was in your age group, and I liked you, and you had female fittings, you would tick all the boxes.  I think it would be a fun relationship.
Go for it I say, :Full speed ahead, and damn the torpedoes!"

Karen.

[espo]

I don't believe Axelle meant to insult anyone and I don't believe he's a bigot by any any stretch. >-bleeped-<, lighten up people.

[AbraCadabra]

Eh, seems I sure stirred to pot.

If all is well in state, then what seems to be the problem?

My friend is mostly a problem to herself because she feels constantly misunderstood.
She swings between all possible poles and that is who she is.

Does it need a self-proclaimed "I am Androgen" to be just that? Maybe.
I'm learning.

The post of Pica Pica helped to enlighten me some. Thank you, + 1

Talking about getting a break... the OP sounded like asking to get a break from all these apparent misunderstandings.
I pointed out how come, people get misunderstood. Andro or not.

Can we ask to be understood if we come across as confused to others?

I sure did come across just like that myself --- before transition.

Though most people did keep their confusion about me to themselves. Now they seem more at ease to tell about how they though me 'gay in the closet'.
When it came out sometimes I was sure feeling misunderstood because I'm just so not that. (I did try, but it just confirmed I'm not gay)

Do I know the solution to these misunderstandings?
I guess a bigot would know, they full of their solutions, mostly.

The world likes labels, it makes it more secure for most all of us. If it's your thing (you born this way) to swing between poles its your lot to BE misunderstood, - most of the time.
Complaining about it will not help a bit.

BTW, I still do not understand my friend - guess I never will, really.
So it a case of DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME, BUT JUST LOVE ME.

If so, complaining will not get you loved --- only misunderstood.

Axelle

[Pica Pica]

I think it's more about the liberty to have a little moan occasionally.

[AbraCadabra]

Good one, you keep on scoring dear!

And thanks again, since you practice what I'm eluding to.
Hug,
Axelle

PS: Become loved, = little less need to moan, or bitch? he he :-)

[ativan]

The world like labels, it makes it more secure for most all of us. If it's your thing (you born this way) to swing between poles its your lot to BE misunderstood, - most of the time.
Complaining about it will not help a bit.

BTW, I still do not understand my friend - guess I never will, really.
So it a case of DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME, BUT JUST LOVE ME.

If so, complaining will get you loved --- only misunderstood.

Axelle

Tree trimmer in the forest.

[dustbunny]

Eh, seems I sure stirred to pot.

If all is well in state, then what seems to be the problem?

My friend is mostly a problem to herself because she feels constantly misunderstood.
She swings between all possible poles and that is who she is.

Does it need a self-proclaimed "I am Androgen" to be just that? Maybe.
I'm learning.

The post of Pica Pica helped to enlighten me some. Thank you, + 1

Talking about getting a break... the OP sounded like asking to get a break from all these apparent misunderstandings.
I pointed out how come, people get misunderstood. Andro or not.

Can we ask to be understood if we come across as confused to others?

I sure did come across just like that myself --- before transition.

Though most people did keep their confusion about me to themselves. Now they seem more at ease to tell about how they though me 'gay in the closet'.
When it came out sometimes I was sure feeling misunderstood because I'm just so not that. (I did try, but it just confirmed I'm not gay)

Do I know the solution to these misunderstandings?
I guess a bigot would know, they full of their solutions, mostly.

The world likes labels, it makes it more secure for most all of us. If it's your thing (you born this way) to swing between poles its your lot to BE misunderstood, - most of the time.
Complaining about it will not help a bit.

BTW, I still do not understand my friend - guess I never will, really.
So it a case of DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME, BUT JUST LOVE ME.

If so, complaining will not get you loved --- only misunderstood.

Axelle

There's a difference between venting and just complaining. The latter of which you seem to have used this entire thread to do. I don't know any andro that behaves like your friend and I certainly don't. Stop accusing me of being like your friend that you've used this entire thread to complain about. I'm not her, none of us are. This thread is about us sharing our experiences and frustrations with each other to support each other. That's what this forum is for and that's something you are not bringing right now w/ your posts. If you want love start showing it.

[Shana A]

A reminder to not make personal attacks! Locking this topic.